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It really should be done via word of mouth, and people will find out. There is no proper way to word that where you won't offend someone.
I agree word of mouth is best, if anything - it's not the type of thing I think is appropriate to communicate on an invitation or something like that.
Personally, I always take some amount of cash and/or ATM and credit cards with me when I go somewhere, even if refreshments are likely going to be provided for me at no charge. I've always thought it was insane to go out somewhere, even to a wedding, without having money on hand just in case (even aside from the drink issue, it's good to have in case other emergencies come up). And since the practice of hosting bars at weddings varies so much depending on the custom in the area and the people throwing each particular wedding, I never just assume that drinks will be fully paid for. Hopefully your guests will be the same.
I agree with the PPs, that it should mostly get circulated by word of mouth. As long as folks know that there's a cash bar, they'll be happy to see the hosted portions.
I wouldn't put anything on your invites directly, but if you have a wedding website, maybe you could include something like 'There will be a hosted bar during the cocktail hour, and hosted wine with dinner. The bar will remain open after dinner for those who would like to purchase drinks.' or something of that nature. I think that's the wording we'll be going with, or some variation of it.
I don't see how letting people know they might want to bring cash would be offensive.
Although because you have an ATM at your venue, I think it's okay to just let them discover it themselves. Your mc could say something tactful about it when the bar changes from open to cash.
I think it would be best to put this on the website.
It really bothers me when weddings have cash bars and there is no communication about it. If its a full cash bar, I prefer it to be printed on the reception card.
You actually might consider writing hosted cocktail hour, cash bar avaliable after dinner on a reception card, in small writing at the bottom.
I've shown up at weddings with no cash because I was under the impression it was an open bar.
Thank you, ladies!
I think we'll opt to get it started via word-of-mouth and rely mostly on that.
Maybe place a sign on the bar when it turns to cash?
ETA: and make note on the reception page of the website.
I wouldn't bother with a sign unless you feel you absolutely must have one. Guests are not stupid and they will figure out what is going on without signs and other assistance.
I always bring cash with to receptions, just in case. And generally my brothers and I (we have a lot of cousins that just got married) will "draw straws" on who will go up to the bar and just ask what the deal is. I always come with the frame of mind that it is a cash bar, and am always pleasently surprised when it isn't!
Good luck!
how about something along the lines of "complimentary beverages available until..."
If you really do want something in print, I like what @MASPA had suggested!
I like the online option the best.
Personally I hate it when I go to a wedding and we're getting ready to sit down for dinner. So we go grab a drink from the bar and find out the bar has already closed for dinner! That's my biggest pet peeve at weddings. I guess it's common in the area I live in now but I've only ever been to weddings with full open bars, all throughout.
I added this information on my wedding website. =)
Hey so I want to invite you and your fiance to our house for dinner. The thing is, after dinner, I'm going to start charging you per glass for the wine I've been serving. Don't forget your gift to the hostess and see you soon!
...
wait question guys, is it ok to put it in the program? or menu? both? one not the other?
@Angelz_love: I figure by the time they're already at the wedding, they won't have the time to get the $$ if they didn't already know. So program/menu won't really do much, imo. I'd spread the news by word of mouth and the website.
I put it on my website. I wanted to make sure people went to the website so instead of putting all the inserts for accomodations and directions in the invites, I put a website card that listed the type of info they would get on the website. Once people go to it, they will typically browse around. I made sure I gave the info about the cash bar in a spot they wouldn't miss!
There is no way to polietly tell someone that your hosting will be inadequate after a certain point so make sure they have cash to pick up the slack.
Regardless of where you live, good etiquette will always forbid charging your guests for any part of your hospitality. While the cash bar may be accepted in certain areas, within certain groups, it will not be considered polite.
@andielovesj: Wow, thats a little harsh.
We will be having an open bar, but its something that we both want. An open bar, or any bar really, is not required in order to be a good hostess. Guests are invited to celebrate with you, and although alcohol is generally appreciated, its not required.
Yes word of mouth is the best! But go with your gut you know your crowd better than we do!
@Bostongrl25: You are right an open bar isn't required to be a good hostess. But not charging guests for any portion of your hospitality is absolutely a requirement of good etiquette.
It doesn't have to be exclusive top shelf liquor free flowing all the time or a completely dry wedding. There are lots of option in between those two, which can be perfectly acceptable by etiquette.
It is just as impolite to tell your guests you will pay for the chicken dinner, but if they want to pay the waiter extra he will bring you steak. The cash bar is the same situation. Just because it is alcohol does not change the responsibilities of the hosts.
@andielovesj: I disagree. The OP is providing food and I'm assuming soda, juice, water, etc. Any drinks more than that are not required and is "above and beyond". The OP is already providing open bar for close to half the night.
To each their own.
OP wasn't asking if it's ok to do a cash bar. She's just asking how to word it. Telling her you think a cash bar is wrong isn't really helping her or answering her question.
@MASPA: Oo, I like that wording. I'll use that if I make a sign, but I think I'll also definitely use that on the website. Thanks!
Thanks all for your input.
I know that cash bars are a very controversial topic, and I was not trying to instegate a debate. We are happy to host all alcohol for cocktail hour and the wine served with dinner - our descision to go with a cash bar after we've treated guests to several drinks (should they choose to have them) is largely based upon family issues, not budgetary ones.
No, I would never invite a person to my home and charge them for a glass of wine, but I feel a wedding reception is quite a different situation.
Another thanks to all who have graciously respected my descision, whether or not you agree.
@Bostongrl25: I agree that booze is above and beyond. But that doesn't make it less rude to charge for it.
@andielovesj: I tend to agree with you. Either pay for all of it or none of it... no mixed messages then.
@MASPA: I like that wording!
Also, maybe the bartenders could mention it during cocktail hour to warn people?
@nerdface: It would be extremely rude to show up to an invited dinner without a bottle of wine or liquor to at least cover your own consumption.
I wouldn't expect to show up to someone's house for a dinner party and them pay for my alcohol consumption... so why expect it at a wedding? An open bar is a nice treat.
@Ms. Anemone: I vote for the wording on the invitation or website. Then people know how much cash to bring/expect to spend. And if one of your invitees is as offended by your not having an open bar all night as pp have expressed, they can simply RSVP no at that point.
I suspect you know your audience well enough to know this is an acceptable route.
Please put it on your website somewhere. I don't even bring a purse, let alone money to weddings anymore because I had some items stolen. I would be drinkless all night if I didn't know beforehand.
@bananejaune:Would you bring a bottle of wine to cover your consumption at a wedding? A wedding reception is just a very large dinner party that happens after someone gets married. You bring a gift to a wedding just as you would for a dinner party. Since the wedding is more expensive and the couple is supposed to be starting their new life, you bring something a bit bigger to a wedding. But for a dinner party, you assume that the hosts already have their home essentials so you bring a bottle of wine or some fancy cheese or flowers or something similar.
My point is still valid-it's rude to invite people to a dinner party and ask them to pay cash for beverages. If you can't afford to be an adequate host then your party should be scaled back.
@nerdface: A wedding is not a dinner party. Guests are being treated to cocktails during cocktail hour and dinner. That is generous enough.
Everyone's allowed to have an opinion around here, but I think you should be a little more open minded and less abrasive, especially considering the OP wasn't asking at all if she should have open or cash bar.
Ugh people! The lady specifically did not ask your opinions on cash bars. Please keep your opinions to yourself if you can't help her with the questions she asked. I bet you she didn't think the etiquette police was going to come and lecture her on how to host her wedding. She didn't ask you, and honestly, if she's spent more than a month on this site, she knows the cash bar vs. open bar vs. limited bar vs. dry bar debate so please spare her. And if you think that this post is refering to you, then it is.
To the OP, I agree with the previous posters. Spread by word of mouth and then put it on your site. Honestly, word of mouth is going to work best and you'll see that lots of people will come prepared. Have a happy wedding day!
@nerdface: Maybe you missed my point. It isn't a direct comparison.
I bring a gift to a wedding to welcome them to their new life. Not to compensate cost. I also bring cash as I don't expect my drinks to be paid for just because they are starting their new life. If they can have an open bar, great. Otherwise, I don't expect to have drinks on their tab just because they wanted me to be there to celebrate their love commitment. A wedding invitation is NOT a dinner party invitation.
Same as I don't expect someone to pay for my drinks at a dinner party. I'll bring enough to AT LEAST cover my consumption, and better yet they have some leftover as a 'gift', along with whatever food, flowers, or else was brought to thank the person for their hospitality.
@KristenGotMarried:"a wedding is not a dinner party"
A reception that includes dinner, has the exact same hosting requirements as a dinner party in your home. It is on a much grander scale but the duties of the host remain the same.
@bRooklynRocks: "Please keep your opinions to yourself if you can't help her with the questions she asked"
She asked a question about etiquette on an etiquette forum, she really should have expected people to answer with the correct etiquette for the situation, which is there is no polite way to convey an impolite message.
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Here's how the alcohol will flow through the evening:
Cocktail hour: full Hosted (Open) Bar
Dinner: Wine served with salad & entree. (Either closing the bar during dinner or turning it to cash)
Rest of the evening: Cash bar.
Hive, do you have ideas of how I can tactfully communicate this to our guests? Or if I need to? I'm not very keen on slapping a 'CASH BAR' line on our invites. Is bar signage the answer?
For reference, there is an ATM in our venue, so if the clock strikes Cash-Bar-time and guests still want to drink they don't need to go far at all. Still, I don't want it to come as a shock to Great Aunt Milfred when she pops up for a fresh White Russian.