Weddingbee boards

While I fully appreciate budget constraints, I just don't think it's right to charge people to drink at your wedding. If you can't afford a full open bar all night, perhaps serve just beer and wine, or champagne punch - no need to supply enough vodka for the Russian Army, you know? I'm not rich - my entire wedding is coming in at just over $5000 - and doing an open beer and wine bar is still well within my budget. I have been to several large, beautiful weddings where this was done and heard not a single complaint that there was no Maker's Mark on the bar menu.

i disagree.

we're probably doing unlimited beer and wine, but if guests want to buy a cocktail, they're more than welcome to.

reesey- we're thinking about doing open bar everything during the cocktail hour and then limiting alcohol to beer/wine during the rest of the reception.

i recently attended a wedding where the open bar was open during cocktail hour but not the reception. During the reception they left bottles of wine and champagne at each table...I don't think anyone really missed the open bar =P.

I fought this battle and lost with my parents, so we're having free beer and wine and then if people want a cocktail they can pay. Apparently it's the norm there (midwest). And since they're paying for it, I dropped it. Our venue coordinator said that a lot of the weddings are like that there.

Sometimes, though, providing bottles of alcohol on the tables isn't allowed by the catering company (or could come with a hefty corkage fee).

I think that having a full open bar for cocktail hour followed by a wine/beer/champagne bar during the dinner would be a good choice. Or maybe just going with a consumption bar up to a certain dollar amount?

If you're going the BYOB route, check out Evite's drink calculator: http://www.evite.com/pages/party/drink-calculator.jsp

If you have to choose I would go with the cocktail hour open bar. People are just getting warmed up during the cocktail hour and will appreciate a drink or two.

The problem with having an open bar during the reception and then cutting it off at a certain monetary limit is that it will be hard to convey this to your guests. Your best option is to offer guests "cocktails and food" from 5-6pm or whatever and that makes it clear that drinks may not continue.

good luck

Another option I forgot to mention is drink tickets.

If you're having budget problems then maybe this scenario may work - have an open bar during the cocktail hour and then place 1-4 drinks tickets at each place setting for the dinner. This way it will be clear that drinks are not free, but it will also give your guests the option to get a drink (or two, three....) when they feel like one. This will also be good for budgeting as you will know exactaly how many drinks tickets you can afford to place at each table.

I know everyone keeps saying you HAVE to offer unlimited drinks all night long but this really depends on your personal choice and geographical location. (I also do not see how saying you must have unlimited drinks is good advice considering her question asked specifically whether cocktail or reception drinks would be best). I have never been to a full open bar wedding before and have attended around 10 where there were drink tickets, or wine on the table and the remaining was a cash bar.

I won't be offering a full open bar at my wedding as with drinks at $9-$10 each (Yes, each) I cannot allow the 150 people at my wedding to enjoy unlimited beverages. No matter where I cut back on expenses it just cannot happen. There is also the issue of uncertainty with the open bar as it you won't know the price until it is all over. In an attempt not to go bankrupt after the wedding we are going with wine during dinner and drinks tickets for afterwards.

Sorry, I stand by my post - it is just downright rude to make your guests basically pay their way at your wedding - I don't care where in the country you live. If it was socially acceptable to pick your nose and eat it in Indiana, I still would not throw a "Pick Your Nose and Eat It" party. Do a basic Google search of "wedding etiquette cash bar" and you'll quickly see how unacceptable it is. Having a wedding is not like inviting a group of friends to a bar where you all go Dutch. You (or your family) are hosting a party. Just because it isn't at your home does not mean you do not have a responsibility to be gracious hosts. It's not a college keg party where you collect cash at the door to cover the cost of your beer ball. These people have traveled far and supported you and your relationship for many years, as well as bought you expensive gifts or given you an envelope stuffed with cash - the least you can do is spring for a few glasses of wine.

If you can't afford to treat your guests well, then you can't afford the kind of wedding you are trying to have. It is time to re-examine your priorities. 

Open bar (or limited open bar i.e. wine/beer/champagne) is usually the norm for weddings in reesey's + my area (OC/LA).

I think the drink ticket alternative is a good option, too. 

Wisconsin is a good example of why it isn't always a good idea to have an open bar all evening.  People drink a ton, and public drunkenness is tolerated if now downright encouraged, so open bar can cost an outrageous amount and turn your wedding into a drunken house party nightmare.  Festive people?  Yes.  Classy people?  Not always.  As a guest, I go to a wedding expecting to pay for my drinks, and if there's an open bar -- SWEET!

I think the easiest thing to do is to have an open bar for cocktail hour, since a cash bar/open bar/ cash bar scenario could be confusing -- many guests may not realize when the open bar is and so on.  Besides, this way more of your guests will be able to enjoy the generosity, since many people have a cocktail during cocktail hour and don't drink much else the rest of the evening. 

Cheers!

I have three priorities: (1) to marry my husband-to-be, (2) to have as many of my friends and family join me in celebration of our marriage with delicious food and a few drinks and, (3) to stay within a reasonable budget that we as recent graduates of grad school feel we are comfortable with.

I have no doubt in my mind that even one guest at my wedding (where we are asking solely for charitable donations in our name and are not accepting traditional wedding gifts) will think that the 4-5 drinks we are offering is rude and not gracious. This may be because the type of friends and family that we have wouldn't think twice about paying for their own 5th or 6th drink if they so desired.

It's a personal preference. I wouldn't judge anyone based on what they do or do not decide to do despite being judged by others. It is about your own choices, priorities and guests.

I know that miss etiquette says not to make people pay to drink, but i dont agree. I've never been to a wedding that is open bar. Living in central Illinois, not many people can afford it. Actually, given the economy it doesn't matter where you're from, not many people can afford it.... especially since most brides and grooms pay for the wedding themselves. I wouldn't want the bride and groom to go broke just so i can get my drink on. Most weddings around here obviously offer free tea, coffee and pop. Some people choose to do the open bar during cocktail hour, which is really nice. My fiance and I are going to do  a limited open bar. Beer, some wine and maybe a signature drink. We can barely afford to pay for the wedding as is, and we would like to be able to buy a house in the next few years and start a family. Paying $5/per drink per person for an open bar is out of the question for us.

I would suggest the limited open bar, this way your guests aren't in that one hour time frame. Do what works best for you two, it's your wedding and people aren't there for the drinks, they're there to support the two of you!! good luck!

One last comment I forgot to add in... :)

For some reason this topic really annoys me!

I find the argument so often used of "you wouldn't invite people to your house and then ask them to pay" to be flawed. While yes it is true that I wouldn't ask my guests to pay at my house I would also have a limit on how much I would serve. For an evening I would have perhaps a case of beer and a bottle of wine or two, NOT unlimited beverages. Being a "gracious host" means making your guests comfortable, not providing for their every need. Whatever you think is acceptable to provide will be perfectly acceptable as long as you would be happy with the situation if you were a guest! :)

MissEsq--I totally remember the drink tickets at sorority functions!!! ha ha, too funny, that's the first thing I thought of when I saw the drink ticket comments. I never thought of it for a wedding...could be a good idea, depends on the person. I have never heard of it for weddings.hmm..learn something new every day.

As I said, my <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">entire wedding budget is $5000 and I am still able to offer unlimited beer and wine to my guests. We are not going into debt to sponsor any part of our wedding, are having a budget wedding, and are still treating our guests the way they would be treated when they come to our home. Speaking of, to address a comment that was made earlier about that subject... Someone said that if they had a dinner party with alcohol they would not provide an unlimited amount of liquor for their guests to drink, but have a certain number of bottles of wine available and once those are gone, no more drinking. Understood, but would you tell your dinner party guests, "If you want more you can have it, but I'm gonna have to charge you $5 a glass."?

No, you would not. Or maybe you would, and that's why this is not an issue.

calioteach, in regards to your comment about guests bringing something to a dinner party, that's called a hostess gift. Guests bring hostess gifts to weddings, too - it's called a wedding present. While I fully agree that no one should go through life with any sort of sense of entitlement, I would be just as put off by having to pay for drinks at any hosted event, a wedding, a dinner party, a funeral, because I would never expect the same of my guests at an event thrown by me. If you can't afford to be a gracious host, either don't have alcohol at all, find an option (beer and wine), cut your guest list, or don't have a party. 

I guess we all run in different social circles and that is the bottom line. Within my group of friends who will be invited to the wedding we would never judge each other based on something as trivial as how many free drinks were offered at a wedding. My friends will be delighted to attend my wedding where I will offer them 5 choices of delicious entrees and a few glasses of wine or beer. I guarantee that none of my guests would even think twice about paying for their own alcohol beyond our provided minimum because that is the kind of people that they are. They would realize that in order to have all of them spend this important day with us that this is a limit we need to place.

In the past 12 months we both graduated from 8 & 9 years of university each, bought a house, a car and are planning a wedding. My friends are understanding people and they will realize the sacrafices we are making to have our wedding. I now know how truely lucky I am to be surronded by such wonderful people who will be attending our wedding for us, not for the perks of attending.

CarolineG - FYI offering my 150 guests 4 drinks at my wedding will cost more than your entire wedding. This is why it's just not feasible. My friends will respect that.