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Ok, after reading many many maaaaaaany posts in regards to open bars, I want to add my 2 cents - for what its worth.
I will NOT be having an open bar. for quite a few reasons.
1) I have quite a large family filled with retarded drunks. I do not want to sit back and watch them get stupid drunk and be those people at weddings who get kicked out.
2) In my area its very common to have cash bars before an open bar
3) At all the open bars I have been to, it ends up being such a waste I think. People will go get a drink, set it down then get a new one 'just cause' they can - they don't have to pay for it!
4) my wedding is being held in a venue with a couple million dollars worth of art, and I dont want alcohol to be a factor if anything gets damaged!
I do agree my guests should be treated, and no I would never ask my guests to bring their own drinks to my house, but this is something I feel strongly about.
I will be supplying my guests with wine and champagne all night, and of course they get their lovely delicious meals. The cash bar will be a $2 bar so I dont think that is too much out of their pockets and will keep the guests consious of how much they're spending/drinking.
My wedding is on a higher budget (when its all said and done I believe it will be almost $55k) but I wanted to spend money elsewhere rather than drinks. (the main cost was my venue which was about $30k) supplying my guests with drinks didnt seem to be on the top of the list for me when planning my wedding.
I feel I am doing other little things for my guests to accomodate them, parking is paid for (which is a big cost for having a wedding downtown) wine/meals will be supplied, I will have 2 babysitters watching the kids that will be attending my wedding to let the parents be able to actually enjoy themselves.
I just really get offended when people call it TACKY to have an open bar, and they get OFFENDED when they go to a wedding and have to pay for drinks. They invited you to be there with them on their special day, should you feel honored rather than appaled at something so miniscule?
It just makes me sad when all I read is people getting so upset over this whole peope not having an open bar and having to pay money as guests. I feel like I am doing such a horrible thing after reading all the posts but ultimatly I know I am not. I just dont want to feel like a bad person because I am making my guests pay $2 a drink and having to have a good time without FREE alcohol!
You shouldn't feel so upset. I believe there was a post going around about how insensitive the word "tacky" can be to others. Your wedding will be about you and your fiance, and will be as beautiful and wonderful as you hoped it could be. Yes, some people prefer an open bar, but it is customary to have a cash bar, or a limited open bar at other weddings all over the country and you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrased about it. You seem to have put a lot of thought into your planning. By saving the money on the bar, where did you put it towards flowers?
I saved a lot of money on my reception by not getting all the extras at the catering hall. Such as candy table/desserts table, or ice sculptures. We instead used up the money towards our photography package where we overspent but overall we were glad with our decision. Just as I'm sure you will be/are about your decisions regarding the wedding.
I think your reception will be amazing and the only ones that bitch about it will be the ones that would bitch about something else if you DID have an open bar.
We're not having a bar at all! We're having a luncheon reception and there will be wine service included. That's it. If anyone thinks that's tacky or cheap, they can bite me! Why is unlimited free alcohol considered the ne plus ultra of hospitality? If I had friends over to my house, I'd probably crack a bottle or two of wine. I suppose that's tacky and I should fully stock my alcohol cabinet so that I can provide them with the liquor of their choice.
Ooh, I sound a little ranty, don't I? :-)
I have to agree... and add: I have only been to one wedding that had a completely open bar in my entire adult life. All of the others that were beer and wine (sometimes with a few signature cocktails), but if you wanted a stiff drink you were on your own! There is absolutely nothing wrong with serving only certain types of alcohol, especially if this is the norm in your social circle/region/family. We had wine and beer only and people still had lots to drink!
I'll admit - I've posted on the pro-open bar side of this debate, though the word "tacky" is really offensive and I don't think applies. Not having an open bar is your choice and I think you clearly have a lot of valid reasons for doing so. The only thing I'll say is just make sure your guests know that beforehand. A lot of people just don't think to carry cash all the time, especially to a wedding. I went to a beer/wine wedding recently where they did the open bar for the cocktail hour and then liquor drinks were cash during the reception, and while I wasn't like OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HOW DARE THEY, I would have appreciated knowing beforehand because I prefer liquor and didn't have cash on me. I ended up bumming money off people all night and having to run around the hotel the next day before everybody left paying back 2 bucks here and 2 bucks there - really annoying!
I don't think open wine/champagne bar and cash drinks is tacky at all. My personal feeling is that I don't want my guests, who probably are also buying me a gift and spending money to be with us, to have to open their wallets again once they get there... so we're having open beer/wine and no hard liquor at all (my venue doesn't even give the option of a no-host full bar, or I would have considered that much--it's another few thousand to host hard liquor and I don't think it's worth it on my budget). I think as long as you are providing a meal and something to drink to go with it, it's not that big of a deal to charge for cocktails.
your wedding sounds great! I wouldn't worry about what people say on here, and besides lots of things are tacky or not depending on the situation. MOB in white? you would say tacky but some brides choose to put the bridesmaids in white and I saw phtos of a wedding here everyone was in white. Stunning. also having a wedding where some things are extreme like i think a huge hall with lavish decorations and a cheap buffet is a totally different story from a simple buffet at a more simple wedding. The gist is that guests want to feel welcomed and it sounds like you can't wait to share your day with your guests!
wow, I really was cringing after the thought of posting this, I figured I would be getting alot of flax for my opinions.
@Chantellamus - overall I believe weddingbee is about being a positive community that exchanges ideas. If everyone thought the same way and had the taste and ideas what would there be to exchange. There wouldn't be any new ideas or visions for people to relate to.
Please don't be afraid to post things in the future. Hopefully your little rant, will make someone else feel better about not doing an open bar.
@chela - I 100%, I have loved voicing my own opinions on here, and although I was expecting a different outcome from this post, I would have been fine with it!
1 other reason I forgot to mention was that is I did decide to do an open bar it would have been well over $6000, and that seems rediculous to me (once again probably the mentality that I don't drink) and I just could not justify paying for that when I could spend money on things like a) a baby sitter, b) parking, c) better edible favors.
I mean I know I am splurging on things that I could put towards a possible open bar, but I just dont see the point!
we had an open bar but only served hors duerves (spelling?) instead of dinner (the theme was 'evening cocktail party'). when describing it to people, lots of people thought it would be tacky. screw em is what i say. youre providing wine so its not like people will only have water to drink. if youre gonna charge for cocktails, just make sure its on the website or spread the word so people know to carry cash.
I am on the pro-open bar side of this coin, but what I think is really important is communicating with your guests before they arrive. I'm not from an area where cash bars are done frequently, and I have been very surprised when I discover (without much cash in my wallet, of course) that I have to pay for my own drinks. I do think you need to make sure everyone has the right expectations so no one is disappointed. (The same way you wouldn't have a 5:30 pm reception without making sure everyone knew that in advance.)
I debated with this issue as well as I have uncles that are big drinkers and tend to drive home drunk...we decided to host the cocktail hour only and then turn it over to a cash bar after. We posted the information on our website and are passing on the information word of mouth.
At first we thought about not having a bar at all because 1) we can't afford an open bar and 2) I had read in several magazines and on several blogs that having a cash bar was indeed tacky. Well, during our first meeting with our venue coordinator, she flat out said, well about 75 to 80% of the weddings we do here have a cash bar. That sold me so we went with a cash bar. I'm not doing wine/beer, we are doing unlimited iced tea, but for the most part my family feels that if a person wants booze they can pay for it themselves. I am having my bridal party and immediate family on a single tab as a way to say thank you for everything they have done for the wedding, but even that tab is limited to beer and wine. I asked all of them first, and they said, hey we are just happy to be there anything extra is just icing on the cake.
There have been several posts that reference not carrying cash...our venue allows for people to open tabs...and most people always have a debit or credit card.
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It is becoming more and more customary to have a limited bar. You could just leave it at that so people don't even have the slightest excuse to balk at forking out cash for anything. Not that I think you even HAVE to provide alcohol--we had a perfectly lovely dry reception--but if you feel like treating your guests to something, that is a good way to do it. There are hundreds of way to configure the bar, keep your wallets in check, and keep your guests as happy as humanly possible. But as some others have said, someone will find something to criticize--just brace yourself for that. As long as YOU and your husband are happy with YOUR wedding, that is all that really matters. These people are there to celbrate your union--they don't need to get plastered for free to accomplish that!
I love champagne so I would definitely love to be a guest at your wedding. If you are worried about consumption being a danger to the art, I would make sure you communicate this to your venue. Trust me, people can get as drunk on wine and champers as they can on liquor! Yummmmmm.
These are all very appropriate and legit reasons to not have an open bar, so no worries.
I hate the word "tacky" but I will see that I do take issue with cash bars under one specific circumstance -- when the rest of the wedding is all fancy pants and the bar isn't consistent with the rest of the wedding. I got REALLY irked when I see tens of thousands being spent on flowers and chair linens and printed menus and knick knack favors and extravagant candy buffets and all that jazz, but the couple can't spring for an open bar? That's when I begin to roll eyes (well, not literally but you know what I mean)
we're having just a champagne toast. :) we have alcoholism in our family, many of the guests are staunchly religious and would never drink, and the ones who would drink, would end up sloppy drunk. which i don't feel like paying for. so champagne it is. and we're letting everyone know up front.
and i'm getting a HUGE amount of flack for it. and not even from people actually attending the wedding! just random folks in the bridal community.
signed,
a new poster, encouraged by this thread.
My wedding will take place in South Africa. Several of my friends and family members are traveling in from the States and Europe so I feel particularly sensitive to making things as pleasurable as possible for them.
As the hostess, my preference would be to provide an open bar. However, it raises certain concerns for us -- not only financially.
For one, our wedding will be held at a venue one hour outside of the city. Many guests will opt to stay at guesthouses in the area, but some of the locals will likely go home afterwards. Although awareness is slowly getting better, South Africans in general are not very mindful of or concerned with the consequences of drunk driving. I worry that having an open bar will encourage heavy drinking, which may lead to drunk driving later in the evening.
Secondly, a handful of our guests are sloppy drinkers, and as several others have mentioned before, this isn't really the time or place that you want to see your friends on their worst behavior.
We haven't decided what we're going to do yet, but we'll probably go with an open bar for wine, beer and a couple signature cocktails. If we end up having hard alcohol on hand, it will be at the guest's expense for no other reason than to encourage moderation.
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I'm with you!
In all of the weddings I've EVER been to (or worked at, in a private golf club) I've never been to one with an open bar! I had no idea they were so prevalent until weddingbee. People around here will just get a keg and a bunch of wine and that'll be all that's free and nobody complains about it. If it's what you can afford, it's totally fine, I think. People shouldn't be EXPECTING to get drunk on your tab. Really weird to me, but I've also often felt like I was in the minority for feeling that way :)
I've been to weddings in Missouri, Iowa and Nebraska. One totally open bar, one totally dry wedding, and all the rest were limited bars with a selection of beer/wine. In every case, we knew ahead of time to expect by word of mouth from the couple or the couple's relatives/bridal party which I think is very considerate.
Having said that, it's always the couple's decision and their choice how to celebrate their marriage. As a guest, shouldn't we be happy and grateful to celebrate with them no matter what they serve? We respect couples who decide to go meat-free for dinner, why not alcohol-free? Why should guests expect the couple to drop thousands of dollars so they can drink a lot? "I don't need to drink to have a good time" and all that. ^_^ (though I will admit that sometimes it helps ;D)
I do see the point of those who say that it's irksome to see a cash-only bar at a super fancy wedding since alcohol is so customary for dinner and toasting the couple, but a limited bar of wine and champagne? I don't think you have any reason to feel defensive. Keep on doing what you're doing. Haters to the left. ^_^
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Chantellamus - Thanks so much for posting this thread. I'm getting tired of the "OMG you're not having an open bar..how could you?" comments either (mostly from wedding forums). In all honesty, an open bar isn't appropriate for every wedding...my FI's family and my family is a major bunch of NON-DRINKERS. Out of 50 people I can only think of FIVE people who would actually go back for more than two drinks - and since we're already serving wine and other beverages we didn't feel it was necessary.
legalbee - why do you say a cash bar is never ok? That's your opinion - not a fact.
Not many open bar people signing in here.
I think there are some good reasons to not have an open bar. (Some of the major players in the wedding are alcoholics or against drinking, etc.) I can even empathize with people who really just can't afford it. (And have to choose between inviting 20 of their friends, or having an open bar.
But I have to say, if you are paying $55k for you wedding, I think you might catch some heat for not having an open bar. Your guests might feel like they haven't been taken care of. If cash bars are common in your area, maybe they won't. How common are $55K weddings? I don't know what the situation is with your family getting out of control with drinking, but couldn't they do that on wine and champagne? As for having the limited bar. I think that can be OK. I only had beer and wine. Although, the venue only allowed beer and wine. (It was at a winery.) As for people not finishing their dirnks... I can appreciate what you're saying about them wasting, because they don't have to pay for it. But guests are going to waste some of their food and cake too.
If your main motivator is that you are concerned about drunken brawls etc. I can appreciate that. But if your main motivator is that you thought it was too expensive, (or even a waste of money), I'm not sure I can appreciate that. If I was a guest who showed up to a reception that looked pretty extravagent, and found out I had to pay money for my lemontini, or rum and coke, I wouldn't like it. But where I'm from, open bars are pretty standard.
We are not having an open bar, beer and wine only, and the #1 reason is money. I'll be damned if I'm going to pay thousands of $$$s for people to drink when I have a very limited budget. I think its TACKY that people think its tacky to not have an open bar. Let's see if this makes sense, come to my wedding where I'm spending hundreds of $$ for you to come, then I'm going to spend even more money so you can drink and act beligerent and embarass me in front of my whole family??? No thank you!!! Where I'm from, people appreciate what they get, and in this economy I would be surprised to be invited to a wedding with an open bar. THere are so many better things to spend your money on
We had a two hour complete open bar, then just offered beer and wine for the remainder of the reception. No one complained. It is definitely a matter of personal opinion. But just as those who think cash bars are "tacky" those of you should be careful about the language you use to criticize "open bars" since a lot of us have those too! Also, assuming everyone gets loaded just because there is an open bar shouldn't be a general assumption. Many people know how to restrain themselves when it comes to drinking, but like to have the option of a cocktail or a glass of wine! At the end of the day, it is your wedding, your decision :)
We are having a cash bar, thats what everyone in my area does, because no one could afford to have an open bar even if they wanted too. Booze is just too expensive up here. Maybe it's different in the USA because I know booze is a lot cheaper there than it is here. People talk about communicating the whole cash bar thing with your guests, I think that if it's common in your area to have a cash bar then people will probably bring cash because they expect to, and if they don't have to pay for their drinks, then they will be even more happy. I have only heard of open bars on wedidngbee and in magazines, maybe it's a USA thing because all magazines are american and most posters on here are american as well.
Here's another thing to consider. This will probably be the biggest party you'll ever host. If you weren't having it in a location that you are (fill in the blank) and were instead hosting it in your home,would it be a BYOB? In essense,having a cash bar is exactly that. Hopefully the majority of your guests are intelligent adults who know how to conduct themselves properly,and if not,will drink to excess and embarrass you just as much with wine and beer.
If money is the main issue,I'd forego other things to provide my guests with everything I'd offer in my own home. To me,flowers for centerpieces is a bigger waste of money.
One way to avoid "Bar" confusion is to have a bar menu listed so people know what to order. You can make it match other wedding stationary so that it is cohesive. I would two one on either side of each bar.
I feel I have to chime in again on this from the pro-open bar side and represent. When I say I am "pro-open bar" - I mean that it is MY personal choice to do an open bar. I would never dream of telling others how to allocate their wedding funds! I've got a lot of drinkers in my crew (both family and friends) and its customary in our family to celebrate major events with, well, lots of free booze :)
This does not make us alcoholics, and I do not at all appreciate some of the comments I've seen here that imply that those who choose to do an open bar are voluntarily turning their wedding into a big, sloppy, drunken mess, or that those that choose the open bar are condoning drunk driving WHICH I DO NOT. I had a friend almost fatally injured by a drunk driver and will be providing transportation to and from the wedding for my guests, thank you very much.
Any couple who chooses not to do open bar for whatever reason - non-drinkers, budget constraints, whatever - that is your choice. But just as you don't want people to judge you as "cheap" or "tacky" (or some other such obnoxious and inappropriate term) for not doing it, I don't appreciate the insinuation that people who choose to have an open bar are drunks who are turning an otherwise classy celebration into a frat party. I'm all about class, ladies (and gents).
@Kittyachi, I'm pro-open bar and I agree that it does not make us alchoholics. I have just been stating throughout that this argument of tacky not tacky is all about personal taste and style.
Many people choose not to do an open bar because they are afraid of what THEIR friends and family might do but you shouldn't let that bother you or your decision. I am of the belief that guests behavior isn't necessarily indicitative of the formality of party/event. There are always some people who don't behave as is aught whether or not alchohol is involved. LOL... I have one aunt who tells the dirtiest jokes even in front of her sister the nun.
Chela429 - LOL at your story about your aunt!
You know at the end of the day a wedding is to celebrate the marriage of two people. There are so many details of the wedding that we could argue/debate about but you know what - to each their own! I think that calling ANYTHING "tacky" is pretty tasteless...so I think we can all agree that we should refrain from using that term!
Also - not everyone wants to do the same things..and not everyone likes the same things....so let's just agree to disagree on the subject of having an open bar or not having an open bar.
yeah...I agree. I think a lot of people on this thread have become so defensive of their choice that some pretty low blows are getting tossed...my family is full of drunks since we had an open bar? Well, if your family is full of drunks then I totally understand your decision for a dry wedding. But cant people get just as drunk off beer as they do gimlets?
I really think it is a regional and personal preference. In all my life, Ive only been to one cash bar, and I was shocked. But if cash bars are common in your area, then go with it and stop feeling so guilty. If you know cash bars are unheard of in your social circle, then perhaps try cutting back on something else, or only offering a limited bar to trim costs.
I had an open bar at my wedding. But if we couldnt afford an open bar, we would have served only beer and wine before asking people to pay for their drinks.
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I agree with Kittyachi and FutureMrsMorgan, it is no better to judge someone FOR having an open bar than it is to judge someone for NOT having one.
I personally would be very surprised to see a cash bar at a wedding. It's not done in my area. I have been to weddings with no bar at all, and no one complained, but being asked to pay does not sit well with most people. Yes, the host is shelling out a lot for the wedding, but at least it's a one time thing for them. Guests have to pay to attend and get gifts for multiple weddings a year, and being asked to pay even more when you get there is no fun.
I understand that there are many reasons not to have an open bar, which may be financial or personal or anything else. BUT when people write posts about their negative feelings on cash bars, I think it is important to realize that some of your guests will also feel that way. If you want to just say "they are just a bunch of drunks who don't deserve my generousity, and if they aren't having fun, screw them," that's your prerogative, but I think it's worth examining why you would want to invite a person at all if you don't care whether or not they enjoy your party.
I'm not having an open bar for my entire reception primarily because it's too expensive. On top of my $90 a person meal, it would be $26 a person for open bar. We're opting for open bar during the cocktail hour and wine pours with dinner.
I don't think that having an open bar means that you are an alchoholic. And I certainly can say that I love drinking with my friends and having a great time. That said, however, I don't feel bad not offering free drinks for the whole night. I definitely agree with some other posters that open bars encourage people to overinduldge. I had a friend who reached her $3,600 limit in less than two hours because her friends kept buying shots and getting right back into line so that they could drink some more. If they want to buy shots and go crazy on their own dime, then that's their right i suppose ... but it's not where I want my hard earned/saved money to go.
One last thought ~~ if people have alchoholism in their family and those people will be at the reception, I think it's only respectful to limit the temptations.
Hmm, chiming in after a lot of reading (phew!)
First of all, I dont think the intention was to call the people having open bars 'alcoholics', thats just silly girls....come on now!
Once again my reasoning is because I DO have family members that are 'drunks' who WILL get out of hand on my wedding - no if, ands or buts about it. I am one of the youngest in my family to get married so there has been many of weddings before me where every single time it was deja vue with these people and I refuse to put up with it! My family is the type to take for granted the fact we would get them an open bar and end up running us a tab probably well over $10,000 and I cannot fathom that!
I get the choice to 'host' your guests with a open bar, 100% I do. I just dont agree with it personally. My FI's sister is getting married in April and they ARE having an open bar, and they have straight up called us CHEAP. But sigh, I brush it off...oh well. to each their own really!
One comment in this thread so far has really sunk in with me it was made by Tanya123 "As for people not finishing their dirnks... I can appreciate what you're saying about them wasting, because they don't have to pay for it. But guests are going to waste some of their food and cake too."
I have to say....of course my guests are going to waste food, but I would rather treat my guests to a fine meal, rather than having them liqoured up to be honest. I rather then full in their bellys with some delightful food! I dont think you looked at it in an alternate way, which made your comment come off quite brash to me.
Great comments everyone! I love everyones personal opinions on the matter
No intention to offend. Eh, probably wasn't my best point. I guess you can't win 'em all. :) But all in all, I'll still stand by my post.
yes, actually I am only having an open bar for one hour during cocktail hour and will supply each table with about 3 bottles of wine/champange, still trying to figure it out. i have the same concerns as you, i would like people to get some drinks, but definitely not going to contribue to someone getting really drunk.
I'm having an open bar, it's what's most common in my area, and definitely in my family.
That said, so long as I know to bring cash to a wedding for a drink, what the hell do I care!? Rock on wit yo cash bar self!
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