(Closed) Open Marriage

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@mija22:  I don’t personally know anyone in an open marriage, but I don’t see the point. I think that if you’re getting married, it should be in the traditional sense i.e. monogamous to one person. I think it just complicates things. If you want to be a swinger, then fine, but don’t get married IMO.

Post # 4
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m going to go against the PP and say to each their own. I don’t know anyone who has an open marriage, but obviously they exist. I, personally, am not up for that sort of marriage, but neither is SO. Monogamy works for us. It clearly doesn’t work for others.

Post # 5
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I agree with @LiliKitty: –it’s definitely not for me, but I am a little fascinated by those for whom this is a chosen lifestyle.  To each their own…your open marriage doesn’t mean it makes mine any less closed or monogamous.  Whatever works for you 🙂

Post # 6
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I know several people in open marriages.  Most of them do not have children.  Some of them do.  The marriages range from brand new to about ten years old.

I think it’s weird and could never do it.  I’ve also seen several of these marriages fail due to the associated drama.  I don’t think it’s a very successful way to do a marriage, but these people are my friends, so I try not to judge.

Post # 7
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I would totally be down for an open marriage.  There are many benefits to marriage, but some people just can’t handle monogamy.  Why deny marriage to those people?

Post # 8
812 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know anyone in an open marriage and I personally couldn’t do it, for the same reason I couldn’t have a threesome; I just couldn’t share my guy. But if it works for both members of the marriage then fair play to them

Post # 9
827 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t do it, but if others can pull it off, then whatever.  My fiance’s coworker is the girlfriend of an engaged woman, so I guess that couple is pulling it off.  No idea if they’re planning to continue it after the wedding, though.  

Post # 10
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

IMO, too much potential for too much drama (despite what folks agree to going into it).  Marriage is a pretty intense emmotional relationship… be it a straight or gay marriage… the key ideas remain the same, the long term commitment and caring about the well-being of another person.

Inevitably over time that emmotion grows (which is why when divorce happens, even if folks decide to split mutally… ALWAYS someone ends up being hurt, or having BIG issues getting over thru the Divorce and moving on with their lives).

Just is human nature.

So at some point in time there will be drama if you are sharing your partner with others… be that emmotionally, or sexually.

Open Marriage may work for some, or for “some time”… but truly longterm I think they’d be few and far between.


Post # 11
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t see the point in getting married if you’re going to bang someone else. That seems to go against the point of marriage.

Post # 12
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Fiance and I wouldn’t do this but I have no problem if other people do!  To my knowledge, I don’t know anyone with an open marriage– though I knew quite a few people in college with open relationships.  They made it work just fine.

Post # 13
9627 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have known some people in open marriages.  It worked for some and not for others.  Some stayed together and some broke up.

It would have worked fine for me in my previous marriage.  I wasn’t really very madly, passionately in love with him.  We didn’t have a great sex life.  I cared for him in a friendship way so I would have been fine if he would have gone along with it.  In fact, I asked but he wouldn’t.

In my relationship now, however – Hell To The No – never gonna happen.  We are very much in love.  We have a wonderful, passionate and fulfilling sex life and it is sacred and private.  We don’t allow anyone to intrude on our bond, in any way, let alone sexually. 

So, I think it depends on the people and their relationship.  If you can remain best friends with someone and allow each other the freedom to have other sexual partners, and everyone is happy with it, then it’s fine. 

Sometimes relationships are more exclusive and passionate, like this one is for us now.  My Fiance and I would never consider it.  He’d be deeply unhappy, I know, if I even suggested  it.  I would never hurt him in that way.  And he’d never dare suggest it to me.       😉

Post # 14
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If two people agree on this then good for them….more power to them. For me, however, this seems to negate the point of marriage.

Post # 15
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Personally I am against it, In My Humble Opinion it is still cheating. However if you want it in your marriage it isn’t going to affect mine.

I do have friends that are swingers, and I would be perfectly happy if I could stay oblivious to it. This couple is very obvious about it. However, I have never said a word to them about it nor would I. Oh and they have been together about 15 years and have two small children. They have had multiple “partners” over the years. 

Post # 16
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Personally, I could never do it. I’m a jealous person, and I know myself too well to pretend otherwise.

However, I don’t really agree with PP who feel there is no point in marriage if it’s open. Sexual monogamy is not the only reason people get married, so, perhaps, those with open marriages want to benefit from the other things marriage has to offer (spousal rights, financial benefits, etc.). From an emotional standpoint, sex does not equal emotional ties. In some cases those things go hand in hand, but not for every person every time. So, perhaps people in open marriages want to express their emotional commitment to their spouse while remaining sexually open.

I’m just playing the devil’s advocate here. An open marriage would be way too messy and very different than the relationship I have (and want to continue) with Darling Husband, but I try not to judge others for their opinions on the matter and be understanding. 

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