Post # 1
Hello there Bees….I was listening to a podcast this morning (Girl on Guy, Aisha Tyler) and her guest was Margaret Cho (this show was a while back, but I just downloaded it) while listening to the podcast I learned an amazing fact about Margaret….I have always been a fan of hers and was very surprised to learn she was married that is not the amazement part, but that they had an open marriage. They have been together since 1999 and married since 2003….what struck me the most is that they were still together…especially since she is bisexual so she has men and women partners….and that they had discussed this prior to marriage…another thing she said that struck me is that her unconventional marriage was very conventional to them
I just wanted to get fellow bees opinions and comments on this subject since it was fascinating to me…..
Do any of you bees know of any open marriages?
Do they work? Yes/No
How long have they been married?
Do they have children
Post # 3
@mija22: I don’t personally know anyone in an open marriage, but I don’t see the point. I think that if you’re getting married, it should be in the traditional sense i.e. monogamous to one person. I think it just complicates things. If you want to be a swinger, then fine, but don’t get married IMO.
Post # 4
I’m going to go against the PP and say to each their own. I don’t know anyone who has an open marriage, but obviously they exist. I, personally, am not up for that sort of marriage, but neither is SO. Monogamy works for us. It clearly doesn’t work for others.
Post # 5
I agree with @LiliKitty: –it’s definitely not for me, but I am a little fascinated by those for whom this is a chosen lifestyle. To each their own…your open marriage doesn’t mean it makes mine any less closed or monogamous. Whatever works for you 🙂
Post # 6
I know several people in open marriages. Most of them do not have children. Some of them do. The marriages range from brand new to about ten years old.
I think it’s weird and could never do it. I’ve also seen several of these marriages fail due to the associated drama. I don’t think it’s a very successful way to do a marriage, but these people are my friends, so I try not to judge.
Post # 7
I would totally be down for an open marriage. There are many benefits to marriage, but some people just can’t handle monogamy. Why deny marriage to those people?
Post # 8
I don’t know anyone in an open marriage and I personally couldn’t do it, for the same reason I couldn’t have a threesome; I just couldn’t share my guy. But if it works for both members of the marriage then fair play to them
Post # 9
I wouldn’t do it, but if others can pull it off, then whatever. My fiance’s coworker is the girlfriend of an engaged woman, so I guess that couple is pulling it off. No idea if they’re planning to continue it after the wedding, though.
Post # 10
IMO, too much potential for too much drama (despite what folks agree to going into it). Marriage is a pretty intense emmotional relationship… be it a straight or gay marriage… the key ideas remain the same, the long term commitment and caring about the well-being of another person.
Inevitably over time that emmotion grows (which is why when divorce happens, even if folks decide to split mutally… ALWAYS someone ends up being hurt, or having BIG issues getting over thru the Divorce and moving on with their lives).
Just is human nature.
So at some point in time there will be drama if you are sharing your partner with others… be that emmotionally, or sexually.
Open Marriage may work for some, or for “some time”… but truly longterm I think they’d be few and far between.
Post # 11
I don’t see the point in getting married if you’re going to bang someone else. That seems to go against the point of marriage.
Post # 12
Fiance and I wouldn’t do this but I have no problem if other people do! To my knowledge, I don’t know anyone with an open marriage– though I knew quite a few people in college with open relationships. They made it work just fine.
Post # 13
I have known some people in open marriages. It worked for some and not for others. Some stayed together and some broke up.
It would have worked fine for me in my previous marriage. I wasn’t really very madly, passionately in love with him. We didn’t have a great sex life. I cared for him in a friendship way so I would have been fine if he would have gone along with it. In fact, I asked but he wouldn’t.
In my relationship now, however – Hell To The No – never gonna happen. We are very much in love. We have a wonderful, passionate and fulfilling sex life and it is sacred and private. We don’t allow anyone to intrude on our bond, in any way, let alone sexually.
So, I think it depends on the people and their relationship. If you can remain best friends with someone and allow each other the freedom to have other sexual partners, and everyone is happy with it, then it’s fine.
Sometimes relationships are more exclusive and passionate, like this one is for us now. My Fiance and I would never consider it. He’d be deeply unhappy, I know, if I even suggested it. I would never hurt him in that way. And he’d never dare suggest it to me. 😉
Post # 14
If two people agree on this then good for them….more power to them. For me, however, this seems to negate the point of marriage.
Post # 15
Personally I am against it, In My Humble Opinion it is still cheating. However if you want it in your marriage it isn’t going to affect mine.
I do have friends that are swingers, and I would be perfectly happy if I could stay oblivious to it. This couple is very obvious about it. However, I have never said a word to them about it nor would I. Oh and they have been together about 15 years and have two small children. They have had multiple “partners” over the years.
Post # 16
Personally, I could never do it. I’m a jealous person, and I know myself too well to pretend otherwise.
However, I don’t really agree with PP who feel there is no point in marriage if it’s open. Sexual monogamy is not the only reason people get married, so, perhaps, those with open marriages want to benefit from the other things marriage has to offer (spousal rights, financial benefits, etc.). From an emotional standpoint, sex does not equal emotional ties. In some cases those things go hand in hand, but not for every person every time. So, perhaps people in open marriages want to express their emotional commitment to their spouse while remaining sexually open.
I’m just playing the devil’s advocate here. An open marriage would be way too messy and very different than the relationship I have (and want to continue) with Darling Husband, but I try not to judge others for their opinions on the matter and be understanding.