(Closed) Open Mouth, Insert Foot Disease- I have it.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would you do?
    Tell him about it right away: Open and honest. : (13 votes)
    34 %
    Bring it up in a few days: Let him calm down a bit from the disappointment of the job. : (15 votes)
    39 %
    Don't bring it up at all: Easing your own conscience isn't going to help his situation. : (10 votes)
    26 %
    Other: Explain below. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3539 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    You told them before he told you to keep it quiet. No point in avoiding it. Just be honest and say, look I hope your not mad but i told a few people (then name who) before you asked me not to tell anyone just so you know…

    I see no point in holding it back.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I have the same disease!!

    I totally agree with ccranetobe He asked you not to say anything AFTER you told people.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1956 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    I think it is good to be honest but I would probably wait just a few weeks before mentioning anything, just to let the sting of the whole ordeal pass him by a bit…I think he’s probably going to be a bit extra-sensitive and something small could be blown-up out of proportion just bc he is upset about other (bigger) issues…You didn’t do anything wrong but I don’t think he needs to know right away that you told other people…Maybe this is just what I would do since I try to avoid getting in trouble with my FH like the plague 🙂 

    I’m sorry he’s going through this, what a major disappointment for you both!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    This is the sort of situation I would get myself into.  I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you feel guilty that you hadn’t considered he might not want you to tell anyone.  That’s one thing you eventually realize in a relationship.  It’s  better to have a policy to zip it, unless told otherwise.  Or if you feel like you’ll burst at the seems, at least get the clarification yourself if it’s OK to tell.  True he could have said something…(and oddly he did end up saying something, but didn’t occur to him at first.)  But it just hurts the whole being open and trust thing, when you feel like what you have to say needs qualifications and parameters.

    You didn’t do anything intentionally.  If you decide to talk to him about it, I would focus on the two of you agreeing on your communication style.  Just say “Hey I’m sorry it didn’t occur to me …..  I certainly wasn’t trying to hurt you….I think I’ve learned that the stuff we share with each other is to be kept between us, unless otherwise noted.”

    Post # 9
    Member
    2305 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I think you should let the situation calm down for a few days, let him deal with the important stuff first, then you can tell him.

    Who knows when all is clear he mightn’t be mad or it may not be a big deal that you told anyone. But for now just try to be as supportive as you can in helping him move forward. And when the time is right you can explain what happened and that you will be extra careful next time to let a situation like that repeat.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2004 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    I’d let it calm down a few days, and then I would tell him but underplay the extent of what you shared, just say that you shared in conversation before he asked you not to, that you told them in confidence, and that you wanted him to know in case it ever came up again just so that he wouldn’t think you were hiding anything from him. I think he is probably afraid of being embarrassed or that these people will think less of him, so whatever you do, don’t make a big deal out of it because then he’ll probably feel embarrassed all over again! Good luck and I hope that things improve.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would be open and honest.  Just understand if he freaks out a little bit, but know that you didn’t know he wanted you to be so private- so let that be your strength.  I would always be open and honest. 

    The topic ‘Open Mouth, Insert Foot Disease- I have it.’ is closed to new replies.

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