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I've been doing a lot of thinking on this one over the last while, and it always surprises me how strong the responses on the topic are, whenever it comes up. So I figured I'd detail the average Irish wedding, in terms of food and drink, then see what you all think.
Guests arrive to hotel/venue from church, usually ca 3pm. They have tea or coffee with biscuits, or if the budget allows, sparkling wine/champagne. The (cash) bar is also open at this stage. The bridal party go take lots of pics.
Ca 5pm, everybody enters the ballroom, or similar, to be seated for dinner. There is still water on every table, and waiters constantly circulate during dinner topping up red and white wine.
Once dinner is over, guests transition to dancefloor - usually entails wandering out to bar while tables are removed - and the band or DJ get going with the night's entertainment. This continues til approx 2 am, when the bar closes, the resident's bar (cash) opens, and usually close friends & family and any other wedding guests staying in the hotel, stay up into the wee hours for a sing song.
The bride & groom, or either set of parents, or often all three, tend to buy rounds of drinks for various guests during the evening.
Now, this is the usual run of events. Open bars died out here during the 80's, because absolutely nobody can afford them. I'd imagine, for my guest list of 150-170, I'd be adding ca 5000 euro ($6000) to my bill if I opened the bar, which would effectively be doubling the reception bill. Nobody expects an open bar here.
If I can afford it, I might stump up for a signature cocktail before dinner, but if it were not there, nobody would notice.
I just thought this might shed some light on how there can really be a cultural dimension to the etiquette of the bar, and to point out that those who go for a cash bar are not lacking in manners at all.
I had never even heard of having an open bar until weddingbee! I even asked the lady at our venue and she said around here (and the bordering states) its not the norm at all.
I think wine and/or beer only is perfectly acceptable and I don't think it's really a big deal when people opt to not have a full open bar at the reception.
I live in the midwest and all the weddings I have been to have had an open bar. We opted to limit the drinks to beer and wine but everything is provided free to guests. It's something we knew from the beginning and built into our budget. Different regions have different customs. It was interesting to hear about an Irish wedding as well!
Edit: I meant to add... when we looked at all the reception facilities, we made sure to pick a place with a very reasonable "per person" cost for alcohol for guests over the age of 21 (so we don't have to pay for we people who can't drink - a lot of places wanted us to pay for them too!)
It definitely is a cultural thing as I have NEVER attended a cash bar - they have always been open!
I definitely think its a regional/cultural thing. In my family/friends an open bar is standard. I've only been to two weddings without it, and they were dry for religious reasons. That being said, we're not doing an open bar because we can't afford it. Unlike much of our family we are not willing to go into debt for a wedding. So, we're doing an "open bar" of beer/wine/sig drink only rather than doing full on all-liquor. For us, it was a good compromise. I know that my family won't be upset because they'll be getting SOMETHING for free even if not liquor, and we won't go totally broke.
Evey wedding i've been to except one has been open bar. It may be a midwest thing, but whatever's provided is open. My one friend had open for the first 500 beverages (so everybody got two basically) then it was cash. I had a limited bar (beer, wine, two signature drinks) and everything else has been open with everything you could want.
It also cost us under $1,000 =]
Why is an open bar SO expensive in Ireland? Because of the quantity of liquor drank?
The average beer here is about 4.50, $5.40 I think. Wine about the same. Liquor the same, and ca 3.00, $3.50 for soft drinks.
We don't do free form venues the way you guys seem to be able to - nobody really does garden weddings, or hires caterers etc. Hotels are the usual venues, and they give a reasonable (ish) price per head for reception because they know they'll make a hefty profit on the alcohol. For that reason, there would never really be a situation where you could buy in your own drink.
For myself, I'd drink Southern Comfort & grapefruit juice, setting me back about 7.50 ($9?) a go. And if having a good night, I'd have about 6 of those. The beer drinkers would probably cost less per drink, but would probably consume more, particularly the guys. My man would be considered something of a lightweight, in that he would usually stop at 6-7, as he knows he gets a bit too silly after that. Our crowd wouldn't be big drinkers, averaging it out, but it adds up mighty fast!
There I go, cementing the Irish drinking reputation!!
Ah. Your prices are comparable to VERY nice drinks here in the midwest. Like, what I'd expect to spend at a very nice dinner or a nice hotel. The prices are usually pretty low for drinks at a wedding reception because they are small and usually low on the liquor--I've been the only one who's been allowed to buy my own and provide my own bartenders. Most places had an option for adding an open bar--and it was like $30 a person. Averages out considering many have quite a few a night and many have only 1-2.
Thanks for the info!
I think the difference in the US (particularly in some areas) is that there are usually prices per head for full open bar and it goes by hours. Most places we looked were like $25/head for 4 hours open bar or something. Although some places are as high as $45.
What saves a TON of money are places that allow you to bring in your own alcohol. Thats what mine does and (i believe) thats how ejs' was too. So we get to decide what to bring in and we're buying at state minimum prices. All of our alcohol will very likely be $1000 or less for 100ish people.
We are having a semi-open bar which is pretty much the norm anymore around here. We are providing a keg, table wine, and the toasting champagne (plus drink tickets for the bridal party to have whatever they want). Hard liquor, shots, etc. are cash only.
I'm being a hard @ss though and not letting people open tabs. This has a few people upset (mostly extended family), but the bar is literally CASH ONLY. They don't take checks or credit cards, so why would I let them open a tab just to say at the end of the night "Oh...I don't have enough...well I'm just not going to pay" and leave me stuck with the tab plus a $24 no-pay fee? I told them to bring cash for their drinks or the can have beer (which has completely offended my grandmother and uncle who only drink martinis).
I went to a wedding this past weekend that was a cash bar. I understand that it can be expensive but I was still annoyed. The waiters kept reminding everyone that they had to pay for their own drinks and at the ended they handed out bills to everyone. The way the restaurant handled it was just so tacky.
I'm jealous! Prices are definitely a bit higher for alcohol here unless you shop around like we did, and find a venue that lets you bring in your own alcohol from a retailer. When I was looking at bar packages at different venues, they were anywhere from $6,000-$11,000+. We ended up finding a great price where you can buy alcohol from a store, and we're doing open beer, 2 kinds of wine & champagne, and 2-3 signature cocktails.
One caveat I will put on this, though: people are fairly understanding, and so if you put ANY effort to "make up" for not having an open bar, they tend to be understanding. Like if you have open beer and wine, or an open cocktail hour, or a certain number of signature drinks, they don't tend to get judgy.
And I've noticed that while it rubs people the wrong way if you ask, no one minds too terribly much in real life. My cousin's wedding was brunch with a cash bar besides one glass of champagne. I paid for just one glass of wine, since it was mid-day and the drinks were expensive. Do I prefer weddings where there's a little more alcohol? Certainly, but I understood that they were on a tight budget, so it didn't really factor in for me.
I think that there's way too much expectation surrounding weddings. They're supposed to cater to expectations that people have - and while I understand some of them, like feeding guests and making an effort to be sure that all guests can eat that food, since people often travel and spend 6+ hours at weddings, I think that the "preferable" expectations get a bit out of hand. At some point, I wish people would just be happy for the bride and groom, and cherish the way they saw fit to celebrate their marriage.
I've only ever been to one fully cash bar, the rest have been open or at least partially hosted (beer and wine). But I get what you're saying about culture. Unfortunately, I think cultural reasons sometimes get a bad rap because people abuse them (I once saw a girl on here saying her culture insisted that she do something that everyone on the board and everyone I have ever know in real life would have said was terribly rude. The thing was, her wedding location was only about 100 miles from where I live and there was no indication that her family were immigrants from another culture, etc. She was just saying that to try to justify her behavior.) But when it comes to stuff like this, it's obvious that there are real cultural reasons behind not doing an open bar and I wish that people would recognize that. What good hospitality means is defined differently in every culture, and as long as each couple tries to live up to what their culture says good hospitality is, then that's all that you can hope for.
@LGenz: How else were they suppose to do it? Just hand out bills at the end or demand cash before giving you your drink? I'm confused...
Serasvictoria, I'm confused - is it the norm to do bar tabs over there? Here, people go to the bar, buy their drinks, carry them to table. Or, if there's a drinks waiter on (def not usual), then they take the order and the cash, and bring back the drinks and the change. Oh, and tipping for drink doesn't happen here.
Thats the problem with cash bars in areas that expect them, I don't think theres a graceful way to tell people they have to pay, but for a start #1 Do not announce to the table loudly and repeatedly that they have to pay for drinks #2 Have people go up to the bar and close their tabs before they leave
@Aunt Pol: Oh they will have to get up to go get their drinks and then carry them back to the table, but at bars/weddings it is pretty common to just "start a tab" and pay for all your drinks at the end of the night whether you pay cash or credit card. Either way, the bar usually asks for your driver's license, holds it, and then gives it back when you pay. Some bars will charge a fee if you don't pay by the end of the night ($5-25 depending) and come in the next day to pay. I just don't want to have to pick up those tabs/fees when I'm already paying $850 for a partially open bar.
I've been to 30 weddings and only one had fully open bar. Every other one had beer, wine, soda, and a champagne toast. That's what we did for ours.
If you can afford open bar, great. I just think fully open bar with liquor is unnecessary.
I think it's a cultural thing too. Every wedding I've been to except one had a fully open bar. The exception was one that hosted beer, wine and a signature cocktail but was a cash bar for everything else. And that was a couple that had a teeny tiny budget for the whole shebang.
re: culture-- i think that honestly some things are more family tradition than ethnic/locational culture or whatever. I mean if you're the last in a long line of cousins to get married and everyone in your fam has always done a certain thing... then that is your family's way :)
Wow. Now I see why some of your weddings are so expensive! That said, at 12-15000, mine will be at the lower end of the spectrum. My brother and FBIL each spent ca 30k, and there was no real diff drink wise from what I'm doing!
I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar...and I've been to a lot of weddings.
I voted "OTHER" above. I don't think an open bar is a "must." I also don't think it is obsolete. What I do think is that you serve what you can afford. If you want a full open bar and can afford one, then do so. If you can't, then I think (and this is just my opinion) that you compromise somewhere. Either have just beer and wine or have the bar "open" for a short time or find a venue that will allow you to supply the alcohol, cut your guest list, or just don't serve alcohol. I've been to several very lovely "dry" wedding receptions.
What I am just not comfortable with is inviting guests to any sort of gathering, wedding or not, and then expecting them to pay for anything. I would do anything I could to avoid that. But again, that is just me....you are all free to totally disagree with me.
I only went to one fully open "bar" last year....and it was just beer and canned soda. The couple bought 4 kegs and then soda/water from Costco. It was great!
Honestly, I am going to support the couple. If they don't have a full dinner, open bar, a DJ, or don't do the "traditional" things I am not going to get all bent out of shape about it. All I ask for is something to nibble on (Appetizers are fine), notice that I need to bring cash, and music of some kind to dance to (or something fun to do, I'm not a stand around talking type of girl). I think judging other people's weddings/receptions is pretty rude since you have no idea financially where they are coming from. Of course there are things people do in which I think "Huh?", but I'm not going to look down on their wedding because of it.
Feel free to call me judgemental, but I assume a lot of the people who get all up in arms about others not having open bar are not paying for their own weddings. I mean, I probably would have had open bar too if my parents were paying for it. But they weren't, and it doubled the cost of the bar bill, so I couldn't justify it. We still had tons of free drinks available (3 different bottled beers, 4 wines, champagne).
@Chillmer - Good point. it's harder to judge when you know the ridiculous costs. :) Or, they're those people who paid for their own wedding by scrimping on X, Y, and Z factors that they think are "frilly" and "unnecessary" or "selfish" and weddings are all about your guests, not you, so how dare you want a $1500 dress when you don't have an open bar? WHERE are your priorities? In fact, you should be ashamed that you bought your shoes from anywhere but Payless, because your guests are suffering horribly from only getting (heavy appetizers, parking that wasn't paid for, free soft drinks, fill in blank here) and don't you know that's all they'll remember from your wedding?
I've been to weddings with both open bar and cash bar, but most have had a cash bar of some sort. Wine was always provided on the tables, however. My reaction to the open bar is "Cool!" but I would never expect it. Our reception was a luncheon and there was no dance or anything, so we just provided wine service and avoided the bar issue altogether. My brothers were only slightly traumatized by not having a beer with lunch. :-)
As a guest, I don't think it's up to me to critique what the hosts are providing. I guess I might wonder a bit (but would NEVER say anything) if the wedding was uber-lavish in every other way and then they scrimped on the bar issue, but generally the open bar weddings were the people whose well-off parents were paying and obviously no expense had been spared anywhere. The cash bars were the average people who were paying for themselves, or whose parents weren't rolling in dough. Often the reception was in the church hall with the Catholic Women's League catering, so I would hardly expect an open bar!
Here open bars are not "expected" and they're not the norm.... but they're not gone.... if that makes sense.
Typically, you'll see open bars for weddings on military bases in the Officers club, and self hosted weddings. If it's in a hotel or venue where the couple can't bring in their own, usually it's limited to beer/wine.
We will be doing beer/wine only. We've debated about getting other liquors since we're self hosting, but the liquor license is a tad more expensive, and then all the other alcohol adds up.
Our friends appreciate the occasional cocktail, but no one would miss them... If our friends were really into hard liquor, we'd probably do a signature cocktail... but, beer/wine is more than sufficient for our friends and their drinking preferences.
I went to a wedding this past Saturday where they had a "toonie bar" for cocktail 'hour.' Basically, cocktails were @5p, dinner was @6p. Cocktail 'hour' lasted from 5-7p, during this time the drinks were 2$ flat. After 7p drinks were regular price 5-9$ depending on what you bought.
I've never in my life been to a wedding with open bar. Some people around here talk about it like a myth, or the promised land of wedding alcohol.
@lilyfaith.. I have to say I'm one of those people who thinks you should try to allocate your budget in a way that make your guests more comfortable. I could never justify buying an expensive dress at the cost of providing my guest with a meal. If a wedding is all about you and not about your guests... then why even invite them? For the gifts?
I have never been to a wedding that is anything other than a full open bar. Average in Mass is about $30 per head for the night so it certainly adds up quickly, but to us it was worth the money. I understand that it's is a regional thing and some people would be completely comfortable with a cash bar, but our guests would never expect that. We just didn't want our guests to ever have to open their wallets at our wedding. I like to compare it hosting a party at your home. You would never charge for drinks in that situation.
I wouldn't charge for drinks at home, no, but I would provide a keg which would cost $75 and some booze and mixers. It's a big difference to pay $200 for alcohol for a house party than $5000 for open bar at a wedding. Plus, all my friends would show up with a 6-pack or bottle of something anyway.
I think also the fact that I don't drink hard alcohol has a lot to do with it. I don't really understand what's so great about it that a beer or glass of wine simply won't do.
@Moose: I would never expect house party guests to give me cash, but I definitely wouldn't appreciate them showing up empty handed. It is general courtesy and politeness to bring a dish or alcohol over when you are invited to a party. Everybody knows that you don't show up to someone's house without anything.
Correct, you do not show up empty handed to a party. Nor do you show up empty handed to a wedding, you bring a gift.. so your guests have already spent their money for the evening. My friends and I would never show up to a party with a case of beer to drink that night. You expect anything to be consumed that night to be provided by the host. You bring a bottle of wine, or flowers, or chocolates as a gift for the host to enjoy later.. not to be part of the refreshments that evening.
I think there is a lot to the comment that 'culture' is often less about location and more about what your family does. I have been to 5 weddings in Ireland and they all had open bar. All the weddings I have been to in England also had open bar. My first experience with a cash bar was at a wedding in Rhode Island. I have to say I did not really appreciate the way it was handled, but that is a different story.
I am paying for my own wedding and am having an open bar because based on my experiences, it is a fundamental aspect of the wedding that I would rather not compromise on. It will be more expensive that way, but I don't really see it as optional.
I've never been to a wedding (or a rehearsal dinner!) that didn't have a full open bar. I think it is pretty much expected in my area and if someone wasn't doing it, I would think there would have to be some explanation/warning beforehand, like on the website, or word of mouth reminder to bring cash. I don't usually even bring cash to a wedding at all other than singles for tips. I would think it was different to go to a wedding with a cash bar, but as long as I was prepared it wouldn't really bother me.
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