Opinion on wedding type

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If she and her husband are already married, what is going to happen at the “big wedding?”

If she wants to have a party, that’s fine. If she’s going to pretend to get married again, that is in poor taste.

Post # 3
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

Big weddings aren’t for everyone! My partner and I are having a quickie Vegas elopement; we’re both very non-traditional and don’t agree with some aspects of traditional weddings (gender roles and the like). Neither of us is the type to fuss over floral arrangements and wedding favors, either. We’re also very frugal. A Vegas wedding and then a party later is our answer for that. I certainly wouldn’t judge your friend for having a JOP wedding – she should do what makes her feel the best! At the end of the day, all that matters is that she and her partner get married. Why should anyone care how they do it, so long as it makes them happy?

Post # 15
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

damarajade:  If you want to celebrate…have a kick ass, awesome dinner party!  And celebrate your marriage.  Thats a great thing to do.

But, even to quote you ‘The way I see it, a ceremony is a spectacle. You don’t NEED anyone to be there besides a couple key witnesses’ so…why the replay spectacle that no one needs to be there for?

Post # 15
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

LDay1983:  Because they want to?  Because some of the people attending, such as the closest family and friends that live 1000+ miles away want to see it?

I don’t see what’s wrong with doing what you want with your wedding.

Post # 15
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

damarajade:  I want to run through the streets naked but I don’t because it isn’t socially acceptable.  I want all the things but I don’t just take them because they aren’t mine.  So, the argument of ‘because’ isn’t really an argument.  

Here’s the catch…the people invited aren’t in fact seeing the wedding.  The couple are already married. 

So just have dinner to celebrate with the family and call it a day!

Post # 8
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

livelaughlove94:  OP I think its fine to have a large celebration. u will get a lot of etiquette bees who sneer at this, but i see no issue. However, i will say that the couple should not IMO pass this off as a “wedding”  as they are already legally married. Im okay with the big party after a legal marrige, but i think all invited guests should be aware the couple is already married and that this is a celebration of their union and the guests can take that info however they want to, particularly when it comes to possibly giving a gift.

Post # 8
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

livelaughlove94:  To me, a “wedding” is an event where a marriage ceremony takes place and two people get married to each other. If they are already married to each other, then I don’t understand what makes it a wedding. Does that mean the first wedding (with the JOP) wasn’t valid? There might not have been frills or guests, but it was still their marriage ceremony.

I mean if they want to have a huge extravagent party that’s fine, but it’s not really a wedding in my eyes. I would assume they were doing it because they regretted not having a big wedding, so they were trying to sort of have a “do-over”. Wearing a wedding dress, walking down the aisle, etc. when you’re already married just seems strange to me, like having a bachelor or bachelorette party when you’re married. 

Post # 9
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

There’s a difference between having a wedding and a reception, though often the two events are confounded or the terms used interchangably. I think most people here are suggesting (and I would agree) that pretending to go through the motions of a marriage ceremony is silly if the two are already married. But if they want all the trimmings typically found at a reception, fine! 

Post # 10
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee

The way I’m understanding it is that they went and had a JOP ceremony. Now the want to have a big wedding RECEPTION. Where is the harm in that?

 

If, however, she now also wants to have a big ceremony I don’t think it would work. If that’s the case perhaps she should wait until her 1 year anniversary and label it as more of a vow renewal ceremony. 

Post # 11
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

In the culture I am marrying into the couple will get married well before the official wedding reception.  And yes they do another ceremony infront of family and friends. It is more done to allow the couple to begin preperarions for living together.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with your friend having a wedding/reception.  If they were married by JOP then maybe this could be a more religious ceremony.  If anyone is having a problem with celebrating their union maybe they should not be invited.

Post # 12
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

LDay1983:  It’s funny, because when I was running through the streets naked, I thought to myself, I’m going to compare this to having an unconventional wedding one day!

Post # 13
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t understand why half the posts were deleted on this thread.  Most people that posted before mentioned, “why not let the bride do what she wants?”

I understand that some people like a wedding to be traditional, but why do we all have to follow the cookie cutter mold some people choose to live up to?  Why can’t people have what they want at their wedding?

Post # 14
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t see a problem with having a second ceremony with your friends and family present. The most special part of the ceremony is saying your vows to each other in the presence of those that you love. Sure, they’re already married, but how is this any different to a vow renewal?

If guests don’t want to celebrate with you, that’s their prerogative. I would invite whom I wanted and accept that some people may align my “vow renewals” with running through the streets naked 

Post # 15
Member
6609 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t see what the big deal is. They have every right to have a JOP marriage and then a wedding celebration. How does it bother the critics anyway?

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