Post # 1
I have a dilemma that I need advice with. My mother in law is very opinionated and she can express it easily when it comes to something she dislikes. Even when she doesn’t express it in words, you can see it from her face. She conveys it very easily when she doesn’t like something.
So for my bridal hair and make-up, she has this very well-known place in mind and she brought it up the last time she was visiting. She wants to take me there. One of her best friends is a regular client at this salon. I told her that I haven’t even done research on this yet- so maybe there will be somewhere else that I want to go- I don’t know that yet. Everyday she was here visiting, she brought this up trying to convince me in different ways. I feel that she is worrying about it too much and that is very stressing to me. I sense her worry in her words because she said something like “you know if you go to that place you went for your engagement party, it would not be good enough.” She says stuff like this. And honestly, I know that the place she wants to take me to has a great reputation but it is her attitude- the way that she wants to control this. Why is she so worried?
One more thing…She said, on my wedding day, it will be her friend, herself and I who will go and have makeup hair done there. She said, it would be better if my sister and my mom went to some other place of their own choice because it could be too many of us in the salon and that would not be time-efficient in terms of getting ready. I told her that on my wedding day I would want to have my (twin) sister and mom with me. Then she kind of laughed and said, of course sweetheart, why would I think otherwise? (As if she didn’t just say that!) I thought this was kind of rude.
So what should I do? (In my culture, the groom pays for everything in the wedding planning- so all bridal hair makeup etc. Given this, do you think it would be rude if I went with my own salon choice?)
Post # 3
Hmm…it’s tough that she’s paying for the bridal hair, makeup, etc, but you should be able to go to the place of YOUR choosing, not your MIL’s choosing. Not to mention, you would absolutely want your sister and mom there! Why wouldn’t you? It sounds as if she wants to be sure she’s controlling where you go. My thought is, if your mom and sister can’t come, then you’re going somewhere they CAN come. You could always go to a few places for a trial, or do your research on the places you want to and THEN come to a decision, but I wouldn’t let her stress you out. You have enough to worry about with your wedding day without any snide remarks about how your hair and makeup won’t be “good enough.”
Post # 4
Ugh. I know you said it’s your culture, but for me I feel like the bride’s hair and makeup, and who she spends time with as she gets ready for her wedding day, is ZERO business of the FMIL. I would thank her for her money but decline it and pay for it yourself, do what you want to do with whoever you want to do it with.
Post # 5
That stinks; you should be able to choose the salon you want to go to, regardless of who is paying. As long as it’s not something that to her would be ‘too expensive’ or something…..you should be able to choose.
Getting made up for your wedding is pretty personal & intimate, so even if you let her have her way on other aspects of the wedding since her family is paying, your hair & makeup should be your choice.
However, it sounds like the place she wants to go to is nice, so don’t rule it out just to be stubborn.
You should absolutely have your mother & sister with you. If she thinks the salon won’t be able to accomidate, tell her that she and her friend can go to the salon of their choosing, and you will find one that can take you and your family.
Post # 6
I would hope you woud be able to come up with a compromise–as you both have a stake in this.
But ultimately it’s your wedding, and I think you should definitely get ready with your mom and sister. Let her know that you’d all like to stay to gether the morning of the wedding and ask if she can make another suggestion for a salon, or have her calle the salon to see if they can arrange ahead of time for 5 people (not many people for even a small salon!)
Post # 7
I think I would go with her choice of salon since she’s paying, but I would insist that my mom and sister went with me.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone . I forgot to mention that this place is ultra-expensive so given that, I don’t want my mom and sister to have to pay this if I take them there with me. I guess I will just look for some other nice places where we can all go together and do not have to pay as much and worry too much about my FMIL.
Post # 9
Oh, I am so sorry. I can totally see my FMIL pulling the same thing. I hope you’re able to find a place where you can be with your family and make your FMIL happy at the same time.