Post # 1
I’m new to this site and need someone else’s opinion on this situation.
My boyfriend and I have been living together for seven months. It was discussed that we would get engaged within the next 3-5 months, which didn’t happen because he was laid off. Now he is working and he bought a ring (I picked it out and he isn’t trying to hide it from me).
Now here is the problem: he has planned and then passed up a few occassions to propose. We will be going out of town to a specific place that is special to me when he does propose, so it is not going to be a complete surprise. Last weekend we had planned to go, and then he “forgot” to ask off work. He was very adament about this weekend, but when he started to push it off again, we got into a fight over it. He finally admitted that he doesn’t feel “quite ready yet”. He says that he knows that this is what he wants, he just needs more time for it to feel totally right. He doesn’t have a reason for why it doesn’t and says it doesn’t really make sense to him either. He wants another couple of weeks or another month, and he thinks then it will be right.
This baffles me. How can something like that just change in a month? I completely love this man and am totally committed to him, as I know (or thought I knew) that he is to me. I am already impatient enough with this going on for seven months now and the ring sitting in plain sight for the past month. What’s a girl to do?
Do you think I should wait and see if that is really what he needs? I just don’t want to be in this same position in another month. It is so frustrating. He loves me. I know this. He says he wants nothing more than to marry me and spend his life with me….but we’ve been looking at rings and planning this for the past seven months…how can he not be ready after putting me through this huge waiting game??
Post # 3
I think that he is feeling pressured and even though you say nothing will be a surprise, he might feel less pressure, if you let him pick the time and place for the engagement, instead of having everything all planned out. I think you should give him some space to think about how he wants to propose, and then it will eventually happen.
Post # 4
I understand about the pressure, but he is also the one who chose to let me pick the ring, is not hiding it at all, and suggested going to this specific location, which requires my planning bc it is owned by my family and requires a working knowledge of how to turn everything on and run it, what to bring, getting the keys, how to get there, etc. all of which he doesn’t have a clue.
I have asked him to put the ring somewhere out of sight and surprise me, but the non-surprise was his doing bc he knows how much it would mean to me for it to happen there.
That said, I completely agree about the pressure. I think that if I relax, so will he, but it is so hard when the ring is just sitting on our nightstand! It is so nice to have someone to tell me to back off, because it has been so difficult trying to do that!
Post # 5
I know it is difficult, but maybe putting the ring out of sight will help you both. And maybe if he is given the okay to plan something somewhere else, he would relax. Also, if he really wants to do it at this specific location, why not suggest that he talk to your parents and have them get together with him, without you knowing, to set it up.
Post # 6
He’s probably nervous. Because it doesn’t sound like he’s not committed to you I’d give him time and just try to be patient. How long have the two of you been together?
Hang in there sweetie! It’ll come and when it does I”m sure it’ll be worth the wait to know that he feels completely at ease and sure of himself.