Post # 1
I’m recently engaged and trying to decide on my bridal party. I feel very strongly that I don’t want a large wedding party in general. A bit of background: I have one sister who is 10 years older than me, and one brother 5 years older than me. He has been married for 11 years and I am extremely close with his wife, she’s like a sister to me. I also have 2 nieces and 2 nephews who I’m incredibly close with.
My FI has 1 sister, no bothers. We are close but not that close. I also have 3 girlfriends who I’m incredibly close with (talk to daily).
So here is my question: I really only want to have my sister and sister in law (brother’s wife) along with my 4 nieces and nephews as flower girls / ring bearers in the wedding party. My FI would have 2 guys on his side, both of his best friends. He wouldn’t have my brother or brother in law, or his brother in law. I’m a little worried that his sister, my future SIL will be upset, however I feel like if I had her, I would also have to have my 3 best girlfriends… and now I have the big wedding party I didn’t want. I also feel very strongly I only want to get ready with my mom, sister, nieces and SIL. Do you think I can get away with telling these 4 girls that if I was having a larger wedding party they would 100% be included, however, I wanted to keep it small and also want them to be able to get ready with their husbands. We’re all 30 and I’m the last one to be married…. so I do think at this point it’s nice to spend the day of with your SO. I’d also like to have them seated in the second row (FI’s sister in first row).
Your thoughts are much appreciated!
Post # 2
Personally, I don’t feel like they should be upset. Idk them though.
Post # 3
I don’t see the big deal or issue. If they are truly your good friends and can see that you only have family in the bridal party. I’m 29 and my friends are 28-34 and at this age we don’t care about all that. I don’t know them so I could be wrong but that’s my 2 cents…
Post # 4
liza8402: I think you explain it to them exactly as you wrote in your post, that they mean a lot to you, and if you were having a larger wedding party then they would definitely have been the next people you would have asked. Maybe mention that you want to spare them the added expense of having to buy a dress, accessories, etc. that comes with being a bridesmaid. Maybe consider including them in some of the other wedding ‘events’ – bachelorette, dress shopping, etc.
Post # 5
FH and I (we’re 30 too) were in a similar situation when we chose our bridal party. But, decided that we wanted a small party- as in my MOH and his BM only. one was upset at all!
Post # 6
Thank you all for the notes! I feel much better and also like the advice of including sparing them the expense of being in the bridal party (which actually is another reason too). 🙂
Post # 7
liza8402: were you in these gfs’ bridal parties and did you get ready with them? There could be some hurt feelings and they might not care about the expense or about getting ready w their husbands. If you are so close to these friends, you might regret not having them with you. I’d suggest picking based on your closest friends/relatives instead of based on a number. I’ve seen others who pick based on numbers and feel bad later when some of their closest friends aren’t in their bridal party. Often it’s too late to fix
when is your wedding? If it’s over a year away, it can be better to wait to make the decision.