Post # 1
So my best friend/MOH just got engaged! Woo hoo! Her father passed away when she was in middle school, and she always wanted to use the ring that her dad proposed to her mom with as her own ring (or rather use the diamond and get it reset into something more modern).
Her mom was thrilled when MOHs now-fiancé talked to her mom and proposing and about the ring, and was touched she wanted to use that ring. She even said that maybe since her daughter was using the diamond, she could get a new stone on the ring and keep it. The diamond is about 1 carat and very very clear– looks near colorless.
So MOH’s boyfriend proposed with the dad’s ring, and had made an appointment for this weekend to go to a jeweler to look at new settings and get it reset. He didn’t want to do something that she wasn’t going to like, especially because the ring is so special and sentimental. He also wanted to make sure she absolutely loved the ring so decided to have her help pick it out.
Okay. So yesterday I saw MOH and talked about the ring and what she thought she was going to get. She said that her FI told her to “get whatever she wanted” so she decided to get a whole new ring with a whole new diamond. She is going to also keep her father’s ring to “maybe wear as a right hand ring”. I was kind of shocked. I said “won’t that be very expensive?” And she said “that’s his problem.” Her FI is not very well off, and is in quite a bit of debt from trying to keep up with her lifestyle even when he couldn’t afford it. She makes a lot more money than he does.
I know it’s not my business, and I love her dearly, but I feel bad for her FI, who is one of my DH’s best friends. We both know he will not stand up for himself and will likely let her choose whatever she wants regardless of price (and she has expensive taste).
What do you think? Should I talk to her or just stay out of it?
Post # 3
I would stay out of it. Nothing is worse than having an awkward and unwanted financial conversation with someone outside of your immedite family. They will work it out.
Post # 4
@hollyberry4: this is tricky. if you talk to her about it, it can go good or bad. My guess it will go bad because she will probably be thinking that your jealous, which I know is not the case at all.
I think its weird to have a diamond on each hand, maybe you can suggest that she get it turned into a necklace instead?
Post # 5
@Slybrarian: I agree – I’d stay well out of this one!
Post # 6
i’d stay out of it. leave to the individuals directly involved.
Post # 7
Stay out of it! It is between her and FI!!! If she were to directly ask you, maybe give an opinion – but other than that, keep mum!
Post # 8
I don’t know – I think it would depend on how close friends I was with her. If it’s my BFF and she is acting like a spoiled dumbass, I will call her out on it. The reverse holds true as well. This would never BE me, but if it was I would appreciate my VERY close friend giving me some perspective. May not help but at least you tried!
Post # 9
Maybe … well, you already mentioned how it will be expensive for he FI. I donnow. That statement is ccertainly a “true colors” statement. I guess, personally I would keep out of it and reevaluate my friendship with this girl
Post # 10
@hollyberry4: Stay out of it. Although maybe your DH could offer that going into debt for a ring isn’t smart and that its his friend who sets the budget. He can tell his greedzilla she can have whatever she wants within that budget.
She sure doesn’t sound lovable and I feel sorry for her poor fiancé.
Post # 11
@Mrs. Myrtle Beach: I totally agree. A true friend is someone who will not only “be real” with you but also won’t judge you. Being honest but not offensive can be a very hard line to walk. I think difficult moments like this have to be handled in love and not in accusation. A true friend will tell you what you are doing wrong, try their hardest to help but also be there to comfort you afterwards. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” sometimes the relationships in our lives are tested and as a result become stronger.
Post # 12
@hollyberry4: Stay out of it, but I agree she isn’t being very nice.
Post # 13
It’s just so out of character for her. I mean she does appreciate the finer things in life but is usually very grounded. I was genuinely shocked when she told me. I’m just wondering if she really doesn’t realize what she is asking. She is pretty clueless about weddings and how much wedding-related things cost. I guess she will find out today! I feel bad because I agreed with him that letting her choose the setting was a good idea and now Im wondering if I should have told him to go ahead and reset it before proposing.
I mentioned about her mom thinking about keeping the old setting and putting a new stone in it and she said she had not heard about that so I just dropped it. Her FI is very very much in love with her and gets super sentimental and says things like “I would do anything not to lose her!!” so I know he will give in. (She is madly in love with him too and thinks he’s crazy for thinking he will “lose” her, but he acts this way regardless.)
Post # 14
@hollyberry4: I would talk to her since she’s your friend. I mean, not to argue, but to ask her why she changed her mind, and wasn’t there miscommunication between what her FI told her and what she understood he meant ? If she stands her ground, there’s nothing else you can do.
Post # 15
That’s just stupid, especially if they are combining finances. As a couple, those decisions would effect her too even of they don’t combine. I’d probably have my husband talk to the guy about rings in general, but not specifically mention this situation.
Post # 16
Hopefully she’ll change her mind when she gets a wake-up call as to how expensive rings really are!