(Closed) opinions please – best friend not coming :(

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
5390 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would be upset too! Did she receive their invite or STD before yours?

Post # 4
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry hun! That’s tough! I have a friend from college who won’t be able to come and I’m sad about it, however she’s not a super close friend. Have you talked with her about it? Maybe let her know how you feel about it and see if you can get some insight into what’s going on. I would think you should talk with her if you’re upset about it and feel like it might hurt your friendship. Did she know about your wedding date when she RSVPed to the other wedding?

Post # 6
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hmmm…well I would think if she knew your date before she got the other invite, than she made a concious decision to go to the other wedding instead of yours. I would talk to her if this is the case and see why she choose to go to the other wedding. I would be a bit offended because she knew about your date and could have told the other bride that she had another wedding to go to on the same day.

 

Post # 8
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I wouldn’t. I mean, she already RSVPed to the other wedding. It would be rude of her not to attend. Maybe it slipped her mind about the date and since she got the other invite first thought your wedding was a different weekend or something. Maybe see if you guys could do something special just the two of you before or after the wedding.

If she is such a close friend why would you write her off because she can’t come to your wedding? That doesn’t seem like something a close friend would do. My childhood friend can’t come to my wedding because she planned a trip during my wedding (I sent out STDs in December, she booked in April). Honestly she was sad when she realized, but we are going to have an us two weekend that I am pumped about. I would never get angry at her because she isn’t coming to my weddding…that just isn’t my style though.

Post # 11
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be hurt. How much of an airhead can she really be to not even *think* to check with you when your wedding is, if she got an invite that looked like it was for around the same time? Also, to mention how much the other wedding costs as a reason why she has to go? Like if yours was more expensive then she’d go to yours or something? She needs to go because she RSVPd, not because of how expensive it is. And yes I’d be hoping she’d manage to at least see your ceremony given they are at different times of the day. To the person who said you didn’t mind when your friend booked a holiday – to me that feels a bit different, the person is missing your wedding for a trip (sounds like a big deal) – Kirsty’s friend is missing her wedding to attend a different wedding, of a co-worker. Not even a close friend or relative, but a co-worker. So I get the feeling of being upset and not sure where the friendship is heading now 🙂

Post # 12
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would be extremely upset if this happened to me.  I expect my best friends to be there for me on my wedding day as I expect to be there for them in kind, and if one of them made the decision to go to a coworkers wedding rather than mine, it would definitely mean a change in the relationship for me.  Now, if a best friend had to choose between my wedding and that of another of her best friends, that may change it, but… a coworker?  

Especially since it is for a coworker and even if she RSVP’ed.  Your wedding is almost three months away and she can give her condolences to the other bride & groom now.  The other bride should understand.  I would talk to her and tell her how hurt you feel about it.

Post # 13
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be upset too! But its one of those things you have to ask yourself.. should you confrot her and tell her how you feel? Is it worth the potential fight? Should you talk to her before or after the wedding? 

You might regret not saying something beforehand because if you confront her about how it really hurts you then she has the opportunity to either blow you off (and then you know for sure she isn’t being there for you) or make some change of plans. You don’t want to create drama before the wedding but you also don’t want to hold a grudge and not say anything… at least confronting her would let her know where you stand and you will know where she stands. 

Post # 14
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m the kind of person where dates go in and out of my head. Shoot, about 3 weeks ago I had to call my own MOH and ask if I called to tell her happy birthday a month earlier…. I hadn’t. I feel guilty enough when stuff like this happens, but at the same time, I know if I received an invite to a wedding (having not received yours) I would probably look at my calendar, see it’s free, and RSVP yes. 

At this point, if she has RSVP’d yes, it would be wrong of her to cancel on the other bride. I wouldn’t let THIS be the end of your friendship. It sucks, but things happen.

I have to ask though, you mention about how much you put into her wedding and how important she is and what not… but yet she’s not in your bridal party? Were you on the outs before this?

Post # 15
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Umm… I’m a terrible bride, but if I were your friend, I would probably take back the RSVP to the coworker’s wedding.  That wedding is still over 2 months away (her RSVP date is well before many brides would even send out their invitations), so she probably hasn’t had to submit a number to her caterer or anything yet, so there’s no major commitment money-wise to the other wedding.

 

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