Post # 1
I need advice! My sister is my MOH and lives about 4 hours from me. She takes her role very serioulsy and is not soliciting any help from my bridesmaids or really even my other sister. Here’s the problem.
I am originally from NJ but live in Maryland now (and have lived here for the past 9 years). She planned my shower to be located at my sister’s house about an hour north of where I grew up in northwest NJ. While it’s only a 1.5 hour drive for the MOH, it is a 3 hour drive for me and any of my friends, coworkers, future mother-in-law to drive. I know none of my friends will travel that far as most of them have little children or infants.
My one bridsmaid has offered to throw a 2nd shower from the beginning, but my MOH blew her off. I think it makes most sense for there to be 2. One up north for my family that lives in NJ and a second one in MD where I live, and where all of my friends live.
The bridesmaid doesn’t want to confront my MOH (she can be a little scary). Should I do it? What do I say? I want my friends to celebrate with me but I know it’s not really my place to get involved with the shower. I’m just really upset that the MOH made the decision of convenience based on where she is instead of where the people I want to celebrate with are.
Post # 3
I think your sister made a mistake in planning a shower without asking you where you’d like it to be! I can’t imagine what she was thinking. Anyways, it may not be your job to organise your own shower but you can certainly pull rank as bride and agree to a 2nd shower since your friend has generously offered to do that. Just explain to your sister that you know a lot of people won’t be able to attend hers so you are going to have 2 so you can celebrate with everyone. Just be calm and polite, hopefully she will understand 🙂
Post # 4
Definitely talk to your sister about a second, closer shower. That’s way too much to ask of everyone (including you) to travel 3 hours for a shower…unless it’s made into a get away weekend of some sort? But, that gets costly to all involved if you consider hotel rooms, meals, etc…Yeah, you need another shower that’s close to you.
Post # 5
3 hours in a car? blah! I would bring it up as nicely as possible – get that location changed. I wouldn’t travel 3 hours by car for a shower, i would send a gift. Even if it was a close friend! Too far to drive home, too close to justify a hotel.
Post # 6
I am the sister of the bride in addition to being the MOH. My sister is having two showers and I am fine with it. I live in Charlotte, NC…she lives in Norfolk, VA…and ALL of our family lives in Florence, SC. So…one of the BMs (her BF since pre-K who lives in Florence) and I will be throwing the shower in Florence, SC where she will invite her friends from Florence and the relatives there (our mom, other sisters, aunts, cousins) that won’t be able to make the trip to Norfolk. Her other two BMs..one in Norfolk with her and one in Michigan will be planning a shower for her in Norfolk. My sister will attend both showers, all BMs will be invited to both just in case, and that way most of the people she wants to be involved…can be.
I ran the timing and the theme for the shower by her to make sure she was cool…and the guestlist is up to her.
Post # 7
Have the invitations gone out for the shower? Since I’ve never heard of the MOH having total rights for hosting the bridal shower, I think having two showers is the way to go because of where your guests live.
With your bridesmaid’s generous offer of a second shower, some of the guests will not need to drive so far. As JamaicaBride said, sharing the timing and theme of both showers is a great idea (and a nice way for everyone to work together).
I’m thinking that your MOH has received a guest list from you, and it would be fair for you to amend the list and let her know that Bridesmaid XXXX has offered to host a shower which will include the Maryland names. This also breaks the news to sister and takes the load off the bridesmaid.
While I appreciate that your sister takes her role as MOH seriously, she should not bully or exclude your other attendants. The bottom line is that she should consider what will work best for you and your guests. Two showers would be wonderful! But then, I’m always up for a party.
Post # 8
Well just to update everyone (and thank you ALL for your advice!) I did tell my MOH as nicely as I possibly could that I would like 2 showers. She was hurt but said ok. Then I didn’t hear from her for 2 days. Well, after a few emails from me asking if she was mad and apologizing (to try to keep the peace) she wrote back that “it’s fine. I was hurt but I got over it. No sense holding a grudge.”
Ugh….I didn’t really know it was worth holding a grudge over – but whatever. I guess I can’t expect my entire wedding process to be drama free? And in the end, I’ll be able to have 2 showers and my friends will not resent me for having to drive 3 hours away.
Post # 9
I am having 2 showers exactly for that reason. It is too hard to get everybody together when they live in different locations. I think it is kind of rude that your MOH blew off your BM who offered to throw you another shower.
Post # 10
Nothing wrong with multiple showers. It doesnt have to be a thing with your MOH, its just someone else who wants to throw another shower closer – 6 hours driving in 1 day? oof!
Post # 11
I agree that that it does seem to make sense to have two showers. Your sister/MOH has already planned the one that will be 3 hours away and there isn’t much you can do about that at this point. I would encourage/ask your local BM friend to throw a local shower and if your sister/MOH has an issue with it, then you need to put her in her place. There is no reason that only the MOH can throw the showers, and it is totally acceptable to have 2 showers especially if there are different groups of guests.
Post # 12
Glad you talked to her about it! The shower is supposed to be all about the bride, so it’s nice that your BM has offered a second shower to accomodate everyone! I’m sure your MOH will get over it. She admitted that she was upset about it, and I think that it’s a good first step to getting over it. Good luck with BOTH of your showers!!
Post # 13
Absolutely ask for a second closer shower. I’m about 2.5 hours from where the family shower will be, so that’s what we’re doing.