I just had a DW in Negril, Jamaica. My guests are still thanking me and raving about what a great time they had. We're in our mid 30's and our friends and family have been to tons of traditional weddings. We wanted something different. Like MrsAnt above we kept the costs reasonable. It's not automatically thousands to go to a DW. I was able to accomodate my friends that were tight on cash, they shared rooms and payed $25pp a night and for my friends with more discriminating tastes they stayed in luxury rooms for $300 a night. Â
Our friends and family are all over the country and they were more than happy to have a chance to take a vacation together. Â
Mrs. Ant and LM - It sounds like you had the right idea about destination weddings! You truly thought about your guests and made it a lot easier for them to be able to attend, which (I think) is key. I guess the idea has gotten a bad rap in my book because of the one bride I know who DID happen to be somewhat selfish in planning her DW, but you have presented your plans in a way that makes it seem a lot more appealing
We finally decided to have our wedding in Las Vegas and because it is not super far away, it will save us money. If guests can't make it - that's the point. We want to keep it small without having to offend people by not inviting them to a local wedding. I guess I don't really understand why a guest would feel bad or annoyed if they got invited to a destination wedding. I know weddings are fun and you get free food and it's a great party but if you can't make it, you can't make it. Sure it would be great to include all family and friends but that is not realistic for a lot of couples. I can't ask a guest to give me money before hand to cover their food and beverages for the reception and I cannot afford to have a large wedding where I have to pay for people to have fun at my expense. I hate to sound like that but for us, it really is all about the money. We'll send people pictures and hopefully they will just be happy for us.
I think the idea of a destination wedding is fabulous! Often, we lose sight that weddings are about the bride and groom, not the guests.
Something that my cousin did (and my parents are strongly encouraging me to do, though I am not engaged) was she got married on the beach in Jamaica, just her, the groom, and a best man and maid of honor. They did the most adorable invitations (groom, holding bride, standing in the waves) and had a huge reception when they made it back from their honeymoon!
I suppose what I am trying to add to the discussion is, it's about YOU. If the guests can come, great, if not, so be it. There is nothing selfish about wanting to have your wedding the way that YOU want it. (and this is coming from someone who considers herself a professional wedding guest-12 in the past 6 months!)
Weazie I'm glad you mentioned that some guests may feel obligated to accept the invitation to their financial detriment. I've been in those shoes and it is the specific reason I hate destination weddings. My fiance's best friend decided to have a destination wedding because his fiancee really wanted "everyone to get a vacation!" Trouble is, my fiance had been asked (and accepted) the role of Best Man before they had decided to make it a destination wedding, and all of a sudden we found ourselves in a position where we'd unknowingly agreed to a $2000 vacation we hadn't budgeted for and couldn't afford.
Not only that, but they picked a location for their wedding that we would have never spent money to travel to if we didn't have to. It wasn't somewhere we had any desire to go, and we didn't get a vacation because we went for the minimum number of days we had to be there for the wedding activities so we had no free time. We couldn't afford the extra hotel nights so that was why.
Most guests don't like having their vacations dictated to them; they like to choose them themselves.
Not only that, but if you make a certain amount of money or are in certain social circles, a lot of people will assume you can just afford certain things. But they fail to realize that even if you're well off compared to others, you probably still have a budget and a plan for your income that doesn't include a fancy trip to attend someone else's wedding.
In most cases, if I was invited to a destination wedding I would simply decline and pay no attention if the engaged couple were upset that we couldn't afford to attend, but on occasion you're so close to the couple that you sort of HAVE to go against your will. Those are the cases that I really have a problem with if the couple is not footing the bill for your travel.
I think that there is a major difference if you are planning on inviting only 20 immediate family/closest friends, or if you are planning on inviting 50 people or more. If they are your nearest and dearest, then they will want to be with you regardless. If it is someone with whom you are close but not blood related/lifelong friends, then destination weddings are awful for guests.
Look, we all would love to be able to take the time off and travel, but most of us cannot. One of my best friends got married last year in Hood River, Oregon, on a Sunday afternoon, 3 hours from the nearest airport. I was 23 at the time (unable to rent a car without paying sky-high rates) and a Ph.D. student (can't take time off from my research). Attending the wedding was out of the question since it was a Sunday afternoon, and I would have had to leave for the airport before the ceremony even ended to make it back to the east coast that night. My friend is still furious with me and we barely talk, but it just was not feasable for me, regardless of how much I wanted to be there. Had she gotten married where we met in high school (PA), where she grew up (Boston), or where her husband is from (OH), I would have made it. But it was too far of a trip, and I detest that she made me feel like an awful friend because I couldn't drop everything to come running to the wedding.
Just keep in mind that some guests cannot take any or more than one or two weekdays off of work, and cannot afford to fly to the Caribbean on a Saturday morning and fly back home on Sunday night.
We live in a different world today - families are scattered throughout the country and the world. Some people get married later than others. I was swamped with weddings ten years ago, spent alot of money travelling to and fro for them, but now I am the last to go. No matter what decision I made I was alienating half the guest list from either coast. So we made a choice to pick a place that was close enough to us (Palm Springs, CA), where the variety of hotels were in all sorts of price ranges, and where people would be together and get a chance to catch up, relax, get to know one another, etc.Â
In return for that travelling, we told ourselves we needed to give people a reason to come. And we have - we will be getting married in a beautiful resort, the food will be first class, and the company will match that. Some people won't make it, and I respect that decision.Â
At a certain point you have to pick and choose your battles. And until you are engaged and faced with the decisions of date and place and budget, you will not necessarily know how you will react. Ten months ago I had an entirely different attitude - we're not wasting money on this, we're not wasting money on that, blah blah. Our budget has almost doubled - because I made my most important decision to be that I wanted the people I loved to be there - and not just ten of them. We're looking at 100 people, but I know I will never have the opportunity to collide the worlds in such a magnificent way EVER AGAIN. So I stopped feeling guilty, I got another job to make a few extra bucks, we worked the budget out, and I'm moving forward.
The Wedding Industrial Complex is a dark force. I believe that part of the process in the planning today is working with your FI trying to figure out how to navigate that - because once the party is over, your everyday lives will be filled with decisions of that nature again and again and again. Doesn't mean you shouldn't spend the money - just know what you'll get for it.
Don't judge. Don't hate. Someone else's wedding decisions shouldn't be taken so personally. If you haven't walked in those bridal shoes yet, you don't know what will eventually hit you. And when you do, you'll laugh at how quickly your mind will change about certain things you were SURE you'd never do.
I don't mean to keep chiming in, but along the lines of these arguments I wouldn't be going to most weddings.
For example, my friend had a wedding in her hometown in Georgia where I was a bridesmaid, and spent at least $2000 (including my FI)and including all wedding expenses. And took 2 days off work.
It wasn't a "destination wedding", it was just the price of a wedding! Even going to a wedding this upcoming weekend much closer to home (NYC)- I think with train tickets, hotel, tux rental for my FI, etc. We're spending about $1000.
Now, for my Jamaican destination wedding, my same friend from GA and her husband pay about $1000- $1500 MAX for a 4 day/ 3 night celebration in the Caribbean in a great resort that they are only paying about 1/2 room rate and we are paying the other 1/2 for them (and anyone else around our age- 28). And they also take 2 days off work.
So, to me, it is quite similar to going to any wedding for someone outside of where you live.
And if they really couldn't afford it, that would be sad, but understandable.
smartl and julie, I agree that no couple should ever be upset at or hold a grudge against a friend because he or she decided not to attend their wedding.
DW brides in particular should be very understanding about this since they are asking more of their guests than usual.
Mr Ant and I would have been okay with only our parents and my sisters attending. We didn't expect any other guests to attend and treated every "yes" RSVP as icing on the cake. In fact, a groomsmen had to decline because of visa concerns and was ultimately unable to join us. Although we were sad about the friends who could not be there, we totally understood.
We ended up having a desination wedding because there was nothing in our area that came close to our vision for a wedding of our dreams. We tried every possible spot on the Jersey shore, went lakeside and on top of mountains and nothing. We though of having a destination wedding closer to our family, in the Caribbean, but felt that we'd go to Hawaii for a honeymoon anyway. So we chose Hawaii and never looked back.
We had a local reception for all our parents' friends and our families but there was drama that day that puts a real damper in my memories of our reception and I am so thankful we had Hawaii and it was perfect.
I say do whatever you want and know that not everyone will be able to go and those that go you will have an amazing time with them. I had really good friends come and we've grown closer because we spent 6 days doing the most fun, relaxing, and amazing things together. Nothing like experiencing something as new and awesome like Hawaii together.
Destination weddings, like non-destination weddings, can blow the bank or save money - it's in how you do it.
I wish you all the best and Hawaii is a perfect choice.
LM - that's exactly it. If I was in your shoes though, I just simply wouldn't be going to all those weddings. I'd have depleted all my savings and have gone into debt if I did. If it wasn't a close friend it would be no big deal but if it was a close friend whose wedding I had to turn down, I would feel guilty as hell even if they didn't guilt-trip me. I think maybe DW brides think that it's no big deal if their guests decline but I think they forget that a lot of people feel a sense of obligation to go if it's someone they're close to.
We went to our best friends' wedding and I'm glad we were able to witness their celebration but I'm still resentful over the costs we incurred and how far it set me back in my savings plan. Because of that wedding, I have no money going towards retirement savings this year.
For this reason, I would NEVER, NEVER put my friends in the position of having to scrounge up cash they don't really have or else feel guilty and like bad friends for neglecting to attend their best friends' wedding. Hometown wedding it is. We'll save the vacation for our honeymoon.
I think what people will think about you having a destination wedding will depend on a couple of factors...
1- Are you going to be upset when (not if) not everyone you would like will be able to be there?
2- If you had the wedding "at home", what percentage of your guests would have to travel anyway - and what would the approximate cost of that be to where you are going to have the DW?
It really depends on the situation. My mom was really upset when I first broached the idea of a DW (although its not decided yet - I'm on the long term engagment plan). But when I explained that 90% of the invitee's would have to travel to where I live now anyway, and the hotels in the city I live in would be just as expensive as any DW hotels, then a DW could actually end up being cheaper then a "hometown" wedding for our guests.
I also mentioned that both sides of our family have a big family reunion at least once every 2 years, and the DW could sub for that. My college friends do the same.
My experiences have really informed these opinions. I went to a DW a couple of years ago and got to spend a week at a lake cabin with friends I never get to see anymore - it was fantastic. The bride and groom had went out of their way to make it very affordable, including arranging groups to share rental houses for the week.
And I've spent the same amount of money or more to go to a weekend wedding where I hardly saw the bride and groom and got the priviledge of hanging out in their suburban town where they grew up for 36 hours.
Hmm, smartl. I see your point a little more clearly now too. Esp. in terms of $. I suppose many weddings are troubling because of this not just destination weddings.
I don't think finance is a factor in our situation. But I sort of understand more why some people would think a destination wedding was a bit of a pain for the finances.
I think LOTS of weddings are a pain for this reason. But if you can attend, they certainly are worth it right?
We're planning a DW in Hawaii, but we definitely don't think it will save us money. We just chose it because we felt travel is part of our identity and is one of our shared loves.
One thing I haven't seen recurring in this thread is that you make provisions for friends to celebrate with you even if they can't make it to the destination. Then they don't feel like they are damaging or discounting the friendship by declining the wedding invitation. We thought of having a "cake party" at home after the honeymoon, since we love the bakeries in this area and wouldn't be too picky about cake choices in the destination.
Instead, we're probably going to have an "anniversary party" and list it on the invitation (e.g. RSVP will be "yes" or "no but I will try to come to your anniversary party in SF next year"), so people know they'll have an option if they don't want to shell out for a forced vacation. An anniversary party would spread out the wedding-related expenses and planning to another year and would probably mean a smaller attendance (allowing us to get an even better small cake!).
I will say that destination weddings are hard for some, like the FI and I. Time off from work is very dificult for us. We were just invited to one and the mess I knew I'd come back to for the 2 days off to make the long weekend stressed me out big time!
Cost is also hard. We didn't want to say no, but a few thousand dollars for the two of us on top of the gift was also a consideration. Â
If it's what you want, then do it. You can't please everyone. But, please tell me it's not on a holiday weekend. That makes it extra hard and extra expensive. And, check out one of those airline programs for weddings-- like booking a hotel block. I know American does it, I don't know who else. I think a Bee blogged about it too.
My funnest moment ever in my life was at a friend's DW in Punta Cana. And that is something I will always remember. That's why when I got engaged, we decided on doing a DW. I think there's nothing wrong with it...and for the people that go, it's sooo much fun. Yes, some people can't make it due to various reasons (time off and money being majority of them), which is fine. Each person makes there own decisions on whether to attend or not.
This post really confuses me. Selfish? I mean, that proves what a spectacle weddings have become. The day is about the bride, the groom, and the love that they share, not 600 guests. It seems to me that guests who beleive that DWs are selfish are actually selfish themselves--that day is not about you.
As far as my fiance and I, the reasons we chose a DW were many. 1) Our families were LITERALLY in every area of the country. 90% of our guests were going to have to travel, no matter where we held it. We live in a rather undesirable area of the country (it's no vacation haven--trust me) and it's also VERY expensive to travel here. Our DW is CHEAPER for our guests to attend than it would be to fly to an at-home wedding for us.
I can tell you--we are NOT saving any money. We are spending as much on our DW for 50 as we would for an at-home wedding for 300. We are making sure our guests are taken care of and are having a great time.
For those that couldn't afford to/didn't want to come, there are certainly no hard feelings. We chose this and knew it would happen, and we're ok with it.
I think they sound awesome, but have never been to one. If you were having one I would keep the guest list small, to family and close friends. If you are not helping out with the cost of hotel rooms, etc, then I wouldn't expect much for a gift though as the cost to attend would be VERY high. If people are so appalled by the invite, they don't have to come, and maybe you don't want those people there anyway!
You can always have a low-key reception for the rest of your friends/family that couldn't come once you get back home.
When I first started planning, I was going to having my wedding in town. FI's family and friends would have to travel because they are all on the other side of the coast. My local guestlist alone was getting way way out of control (i've lived here for 20 years!) and I was getting so stressed out trying to accomodate everybody. Due to our very limited budget, we realized that a DW was the best way of keeping our guestlist to a minimum. We're inviting about 50 people but already anticipate only about 30 will attend. Some of my closest friends have already told me they might not make it because of the financial burden. Although I would love for them to be there, I TOTALLY understand why someone would decline. I know all about debt and I wouldn't ask anyone to go in debt because of OUR day! Like many of you said, it is about the bride and groom. I didn't want to compromise on my dress or my honeymoon simply because I had to make more room for my wallet for the big reception!
A DW isn't for everybody, but it made sense for us. Hawaii has a special place in my heart so we're doing it there. Most of his guests have never been there and have always wanted to go, so they're using our wedding as an excuse to finally visit! I'm planning a 'Welcome to Paradise' cocktail party or a BBQ for all guests in place of the rehearsal dinner. I'm going to set up some activities for them to do but leave them optional in case they want to explore the island on their own. I'm making OOT bags for all guests to thank them for coming all that way to share in our special day, and I'm not even registering because I don't expect any gifts. Our guests spending their hard earned money to see us say our vows is present enough for me!
And, for the 150+ people I'm not inviting, we're having either at home reception to celebrate our union. Just cocktails and appetizers so it doesn't inflate our budget! :)
Hope this helps! Remember it's all about you and your FI.
I just had a DW in Negril, Jamaica. My guests are still thanking me and raving about what a great time they had. We're in our mid 30's and our friends and family have been to tons of traditional weddings. We wanted something different. Like MrsAnt above we kept the costs reasonable. It's not automatically thousands to go to a DW. I was able to accomodate my friends that were tight on cash, they shared rooms and payed $25pp a night and for my friends with more discriminating tastes they stayed in luxury rooms for $300 a night. Â
Mrs. Ant and LM - It sounds like you had the right idea about destination weddings! You truly thought about your guests and made it a lot easier for them to be able to attend, which (I think) is key. I guess the idea has gotten a bad rap in my book because of the one bride I know who DID happen to be somewhat selfish in planning her DW, but you have presented your plans in a way that makes it seem a lot more appealing
posted by MissBlushing 130 posts 1 year agoWe finally decided to have our wedding in Las Vegas and because it is not super far away, it will save us money. If guests can't make it - that's the point. We want to keep it small without having to offend people by not inviting them to a local wedding. I guess I don't really understand why a guest would feel bad or annoyed if they got invited to a destination wedding. I know weddings are fun and you get free food and it's a great party but if you can't make it, you can't make it. Sure it would be great to include all family and friends but that is not realistic for a lot of couples. I can't ask a guest to give me money before hand to cover their food and beverages for the reception and I cannot afford to have a large wedding where I have to pay for people to have fun at my expense. I hate to sound like that but for us, it really is all about the money. We'll send people pictures and hopefully they will just be happy for us.
posted by CamilleC 1 posts 1 year agoI think the idea of a destination wedding is fabulous! Often, we lose sight that weddings are about the bride and groom, not the guests.
Something that my cousin did (and my parents are strongly encouraging me to do, though I am not engaged) was she got married on the beach in Jamaica, just her, the groom, and a best man and maid of honor. They did the most adorable invitations (groom, holding bride, standing in the waves) and had a huge reception when they made it back from their honeymoon!
I suppose what I am trying to add to the discussion is, it's about YOU. If the guests can come, great, if not, so be it. There is nothing selfish about wanting to have your wedding the way that YOU want it. (and this is coming from someone who considers herself a professional wedding guest-12 in the past 6 months!)
posted by stiffaknee 7 posts 1 year agoWeazie I'm glad you mentioned that some guests may feel obligated to accept the invitation to their financial detriment. I've been in those shoes and it is the specific reason I hate destination weddings. My fiance's best friend decided to have a destination wedding because his fiancee really wanted "everyone to get a vacation!" Trouble is, my fiance had been asked (and accepted) the role of Best Man before they had decided to make it a destination wedding, and all of a sudden we found ourselves in a position where we'd unknowingly agreed to a $2000 vacation we hadn't budgeted for and couldn't afford.
Not only that, but they picked a location for their wedding that we would have never spent money to travel to if we didn't have to. It wasn't somewhere we had any desire to go, and we didn't get a vacation because we went for the minimum number of days we had to be there for the wedding activities so we had no free time. We couldn't afford the extra hotel nights so that was why.
Most guests don't like having their vacations dictated to them; they like to choose them themselves.
Not only that, but if you make a certain amount of money or are in certain social circles, a lot of people will assume you can just afford certain things. But they fail to realize that even if you're well off compared to others, you probably still have a budget and a plan for your income that doesn't include a fancy trip to attend someone else's wedding.
In most cases, if I was invited to a destination wedding I would simply decline and pay no attention if the engaged couple were upset that we couldn't afford to attend, but on occasion you're so close to the couple that you sort of HAVE to go against your will. Those are the cases that I really have a problem with if the couple is not footing the bill for your travel.
posted by smartl 353 posts 1 year agoI think that there is a major difference if you are planning on inviting only 20 immediate family/closest friends, or if you are planning on inviting 50 people or more. If they are your nearest and dearest, then they will want to be with you regardless. If it is someone with whom you are close but not blood related/lifelong friends, then destination weddings are awful for guests.
Look, we all would love to be able to take the time off and travel, but most of us cannot. One of my best friends got married last year in Hood River, Oregon, on a Sunday afternoon, 3 hours from the nearest airport. I was 23 at the time (unable to rent a car without paying sky-high rates) and a Ph.D. student (can't take time off from my research). Attending the wedding was out of the question since it was a Sunday afternoon, and I would have had to leave for the airport before the ceremony even ended to make it back to the east coast that night. My friend is still furious with me and we barely talk, but it just was not feasable for me, regardless of how much I wanted to be there. Had she gotten married where we met in high school (PA), where she grew up (Boston), or where her husband is from (OH), I would have made it. But it was too far of a trip, and I detest that she made me feel like an awful friend because I couldn't drop everything to come running to the wedding.
Just keep in mind that some guests cannot take any or more than one or two weekdays off of work, and cannot afford to fly to the Caribbean on a Saturday morning and fly back home on Sunday night.
posted by julie 1 posts 1 year agoI don't mean to keep chiming in, but along the lines of these arguments I wouldn't be going to most weddings.
For example, my friend had a wedding in her hometown in Georgia where I was a bridesmaid, and spent at least $2000 (including my FI)and including all wedding expenses. And took 2 days off work.
It wasn't a "destination wedding", it was just the price of a wedding! Even going to a wedding this upcoming weekend much closer to home (NYC)- I think with train tickets, hotel, tux rental for my FI, etc. We're spending about $1000.
Now, for my Jamaican destination wedding, my same friend from GA and her husband pay about $1000- $1500 MAX for a 4 day/ 3 night celebration in the Caribbean in a great resort that they are only paying about 1/2 room rate and we are paying the other 1/2 for them (and anyone else around our age- 28). And they also take 2 days off work.
So, to me, it is quite similar to going to any wedding for someone outside of where you live.
And if they really couldn't afford it, that would be sad, but understandable.
posted by LM 76 posts 1 year agosmartl and julie, I agree that no couple should ever be upset at or hold a grudge against a friend because he or she decided not to attend their wedding.
DW brides in particular should be very understanding about this since they are asking more of their guests than usual.
Mr Ant and I would have been okay with only our parents and my sisters attending. We didn't expect any other guests to attend and treated every "yes" RSVP as icing on the cake. In fact, a groomsmen had to decline because of visa concerns and was ultimately unable to join us. Although we were sad about the friends who could not be there, we totally understood.
posted by ant 19 posts 1 year agoWe ended up having a desination wedding because there was nothing in our area that came close to our vision for a wedding of our dreams. We tried every possible spot on the Jersey shore, went lakeside and on top of mountains and nothing. We though of having a destination wedding closer to our family, in the Caribbean, but felt that we'd go to Hawaii for a honeymoon anyway. So we chose Hawaii and never looked back.
We had a local reception for all our parents' friends and our families but there was drama that day that puts a real damper in my memories of our reception and I am so thankful we had Hawaii and it was perfect.
I say do whatever you want and know that not everyone will be able to go and those that go you will have an amazing time with them. I had really good friends come and we've grown closer because we spent 6 days doing the most fun, relaxing, and amazing things together. Nothing like experiencing something as new and awesome like Hawaii together.
Destination weddings, like non-destination weddings, can blow the bank or save money - it's in how you do it.
I wish you all the best and Hawaii is a perfect choice.
posted by jennypah 6 posts 1 year agoLM - that's exactly it. If I was in your shoes though, I just simply wouldn't be going to all those weddings. I'd have depleted all my savings and have gone into debt if I did. If it wasn't a close friend it would be no big deal but if it was a close friend whose wedding I had to turn down, I would feel guilty as hell even if they didn't guilt-trip me. I think maybe DW brides think that it's no big deal if their guests decline but I think they forget that a lot of people feel a sense of obligation to go if it's someone they're close to.
We went to our best friends' wedding and I'm glad we were able to witness their celebration but I'm still resentful over the costs we incurred and how far it set me back in my savings plan. Because of that wedding, I have no money going towards retirement savings this year.
For this reason, I would NEVER, NEVER put my friends in the position of having to scrounge up cash they don't really have or else feel guilty and like bad friends for neglecting to attend their best friends' wedding. Hometown wedding it is. We'll save the vacation for our honeymoon.
posted by smartl 353 posts 1 year agoI think what people will think about you having a destination wedding will depend on a couple of factors...
1- Are you going to be upset when (not if) not everyone you would like will be able to be there?
2- If you had the wedding "at home", what percentage of your guests would have to travel anyway - and what would the approximate cost of that be to where you are going to have the DW?
It really depends on the situation. My mom was really upset when I first broached the idea of a DW (although its not decided yet - I'm on the long term engagment plan). But when I explained that 90% of the invitee's would have to travel to where I live now anyway, and the hotels in the city I live in would be just as expensive as any DW hotels, then a DW could actually end up being cheaper then a "hometown" wedding for our guests.
I also mentioned that both sides of our family have a big family reunion at least once every 2 years, and the DW could sub for that. My college friends do the same.
My experiences have really informed these opinions. I went to a DW a couple of years ago and got to spend a week at a lake cabin with friends I never get to see anymore - it was fantastic. The bride and groom had went out of their way to make it very affordable, including arranging groups to share rental houses for the week.
And I've spent the same amount of money or more to go to a weekend wedding where I hardly saw the bride and groom and got the priviledge of hanging out in their suburban town where they grew up for 36 hours.
Know which situation I prefer? :)
posted by cs 16 posts 1 year agoFair enough, cs. If most of your guests would have to travel anyway to get to a hometown wedding, then my point is moot and I'm all for a DW!
posted by smartl 353 posts 1 year agoHmm, smartl. I see your point a little more clearly now too. Esp. in terms of $. I suppose many weddings are troubling because of this not just destination weddings.
I don't think finance is a factor in our situation. But I sort of understand more why some people would think a destination wedding was a bit of a pain for the finances.
I think LOTS of weddings are a pain for this reason. But if you can attend, they certainly are worth it
right?
posted by LM 76 posts 1 year agoWe're planning a DW in Hawaii, but we definitely don't think it will save us money. We just chose it because we felt travel is part of our identity and is one of our shared loves.
One thing I haven't seen recurring in this thread is that you make provisions for friends to celebrate with you even if they can't make it to the destination. Then they don't feel like they are damaging or discounting the friendship by declining the wedding invitation. We thought of having a "cake party" at home after the honeymoon, since we love the bakeries in this area and wouldn't be too picky about cake choices in the destination.
Instead, we're probably going to have an "anniversary party" and list it on the invitation (e.g. RSVP will be "yes" or "no but I will try to come to your anniversary party in SF next year"), so people know they'll have an option if they don't want to shell out for a forced vacation. An anniversary party would spread out the wedding-related expenses and planning to another year and would probably mean a smaller attendance (allowing us to get an even better small cake!).
posted by deluscious 8 posts 1 year agoI will say that destination weddings are hard for some, like the FI and I. Time off from work is very dificult for us. We were just invited to one and the mess I knew I'd come back to for the 2 days off to make the long weekend stressed me out big time!
My funnest moment ever in my life was at a friend's DW in Punta Cana. And that is something I will always remember. That's why when I got engaged, we decided on doing a DW. I think there's nothing wrong with it...and for the people that go, it's sooo much fun. Yes, some people can't make it due to various reasons (time off and money being majority of them), which is fine. Each person makes there own decisions on whether to attend or not.
posted by Yach 234 posts 1 year agoThis post really confuses me. Selfish? I mean, that proves what a spectacle weddings have become. The day is about the bride, the groom, and the love that they share, not 600 guests. It seems to me that guests who beleive that DWs are selfish are actually selfish themselves--that day is not about you.
As far as my fiance and I, the reasons we chose a DW were many. 1) Our families were LITERALLY in every area of the country. 90% of our guests were going to have to travel, no matter where we held it. We live in a rather undesirable area of the country (it's no vacation haven--trust me) and it's also VERY expensive to travel here. Our DW is CHEAPER for our guests to attend than it would be to fly to an at-home wedding for us.
I can tell you--we are NOT saving any money. We are spending as much on our DW for 50 as we would for an at-home wedding for 300. We are making sure our guests are taken care of and are having a great time.
For those that couldn't afford to/didn't want to come, there are certainly no hard feelings. We chose this and knew it would happen, and we're ok with it.
posted by SailingSeas1207 1 posts 1 year agoI think they sound awesome, but have never been to one. If you were having one I would keep the guest list small, to family and close friends. If you are not helping out with the cost of hotel rooms, etc, then I wouldn't expect much for a gift though as the cost to attend would be VERY high. If people are so appalled by the invite, they don't have to come, and maybe you don't want those people there anyway!
You can always have a low-key reception for the rest of your friends/family that couldn't come once you get back home.
posted by ABL 16 posts 1 year agoWhen I first started planning, I was going to having my wedding in town. FI's family and friends would have to travel because they are all on the other side of the coast. My local guestlist alone was getting way way out of control (i've lived here for 20 years!) and I was getting so stressed out trying to accomodate everybody. Due to our very limited budget, we realized that a DW was the best way of keeping our guestlist to a minimum. We're inviting about 50 people but already anticipate only about 30 will attend. Some of my closest friends have already told me they might not make it because of the financial burden. Although I would love for them to be there, I TOTALLY understand why someone would decline. I know all about debt and I wouldn't ask anyone to go in debt because of OUR day! Like many of you said, it is about the bride and groom. I didn't want to compromise on my dress or my honeymoon simply because I had to make more room for my wallet for the big reception!
A DW isn't for everybody, but it made sense for us. Hawaii has a special place in my heart so we're doing it there. Most of his guests have never been there and have always wanted to go, so they're using our wedding as an excuse to finally visit! I'm planning a 'Welcome to Paradise' cocktail party or a BBQ for all guests in place of the rehearsal dinner. I'm going to set up some activities for them to do but leave them optional in case they want to explore the island on their own. I'm making OOT bags for all guests to thank them for coming all that way to share in our special day, and I'm not even registering because I don't expect any gifts. Our guests spending their hard earned money to see us say our vows is present enough for me!
And, for the 150+ people I'm not inviting, we're having either at home reception to celebrate our union. Just cocktails and appetizers so it doesn't inflate our budget! :)
Hope this helps! Remember it's all about you and your FI.
Good Luck :)
posted by littlefoot 13 posts 1 year ago