opinions tell her it wont happen on vacation

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: tell her not yet or keep your mouth shut
    keep your mouth shut : (14 votes)
    10 %
    tell her it will be later than vacation : (125 votes)
    90 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I would tell her. If it were me, I’d get my hopes up terribly and then be crushed if it didn’t happen. Just tell her as seriously as possible, so she doesn’t think you’re trying to throw her off….if that’s possible 🙂

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    9892 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    everyone – myself included – was convinced my (now) FH was going to propose when he took me to his parents house for Christmas this past year.  We’ve been together 8+ years, this would have been my 2nd Christmas at their house and everyone has been impatiently waiting for us to finally be engaged.  Christmas seemed pretty logical.  I’d gotten my hopes up so many times in the past and been disappointed.  I was hinting pretty heavily and indicated there was really only 1 thing I wanted for Christmas.  FH finally told me that it ‘probably wouldn’t be ready for Christmas’ that allowed me to psyc myself up to not be disappointed Christmas morning when I didn’t get the ring.

    I did end up getting it for my 30th birthday (10 days late and a few tears – not in front of him – later…I was convinced it would never happen)

    I would tell her, especially if she’s dropping hints that she thinks it will happen (or if you know she thinks it will happen).  The last thing you want is an upset, disappointed girl.

    Post # 5
    Member
    306 posts
    Helper bee

    You should propose to her on vacation without the ring 🙂 It’s hard to say what you should do. You know her better than us. Some women will find a way to be miserable with waiting either way.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1634 posts
    Bumble bee

    Please please PLEASE tell her! I waited all through Christmas holidays and New Years (our anniversary) because we discussed getting engaged around that time and nothing! I was nervous and excited the whole 2 weeks and its sad to say, but it kind of ruined the holidays for me. We got engaged a few months later but all I remember is how disappointed I was 🙁

    Post # 7
    Member
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @mr52:  For the love of Batman, please tell her so she can relax and enjoy her vacation without wondering constantly if you’re going to do it. 

    Alternately: Propose with a stand-in ring/no ring.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @mr52:  Definitely tell her. I’ve seen countless posts on here where the girl thinks it’ll happen on vacation, and is crushed when it doesn’t. She lets it ruin the entire trip.

    Tell her that it is coming soon and that you’re not just trying to throw her off. If she doesn’t believe you well then that’s her own fault. At least you tried.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Tell her. We are going to Guatemala and Belize this summer and I’d be so, so hopeful (and then so,so disappointed) if I didn’t know it wasn’t happening until later this year. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @mr52:  Another vote for telling her.  But please, please put a positive spin on it, like “I want to do it closer to home because that’s where we’ll be building our life together” or “it’s too obvious to propose on vacation — I’m going to keep you on your toes.”

    You could definitely propose without a ring if you’re okay with that.  Then she can be surprised once by the proposal and surprised again by the ring!  (My fiance proposed with a ring, and I can tell you it was the last thing on my mind at that moment, but it was important to him to have it all together).

    Post # 12
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @AxolotlFan:  +1 about the positive spin

     

    I’m sure you know by now how us women like to overthink everything at all times and then ruin the present lol. You’ll both have a better time if it’s out there that it’ll be after vaca!! Have fun!

    Post # 13
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No woman should expect a proposal.  i didnt expect a proposal. Put the thought out of my mind.  Of course we had the wedding talk, but it isn’t in my control to know or expect when a proposal was coming. He did it when he was ready and it was awesome. 

    if she gets upset and your vacation or after is ruined. I’m so sorry. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    10986 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I would definitely tell her that it will be soon but that you specifically wanted to tell her in advance that it will NOT be while you’re on vacation. Simply tell her — without giving any other details — that logistics would not allow for that to happen and that you just wanted her to know this ahead of time so that she’s able to relax and truly enjoy the vacation.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I would tell her. I suspected that my fiance would do it while on our Disneyland vacation and I drove myself crazy and didn’t enjoy the day as much as I could have. It did happen later that night but I was worrying about it all day rather than enjoying our time together.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2151 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I would tell her. I’m very thankful that my SO told me not to expect a proposal on a vacation we recently took. I would have been expecting one and possibly a bit disappointed, but instead I was able to enjoy it and not get my hopes up. 

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