Post # 1
We are getting married on May 13th. Ceremony is being held in a very small chapel. The reception will be held downtown at a very nice steakhouse. We wanted a very small wedding, total of 19 guests. We are spending lots of money on videographing the ceremony. Future Brother-In-Law brother and wife just had a baby. Baby will be almost 3 weeks old.
My soon to be husband doesn’t want his niece at all. He feels this is an adult party and most importantly our day. Future Mother-In-Law want’s the baby there as do the parents. I will be very upset if our ceremony will be interrupted. The chapel is very small and echoie. A couple of guests have voiced concerns having a new born there. I see both sides to the issue. Help please.
Post # 3
Ehhhh….a newborn, I wouldn’t care much. They usually just sleep. My only tiny concern would be that the parents wouldn’t take the baby outside if she started to cry.
Post # 4
as long as your fbil and fsil agree to take the baby out of the chapel if she begins crying, i don’t really see the issue. this is going to be your niece too after the ceremony–she’s family, and isn’t the wedding a family celebration? you have a small guest list, too, which to me signals that these are all people who you feel very close to and care deeply about having with you on your wedding day–and which i think means that you want these people to feel included. newborns sleep a lot anyway, so it may not even be an issue. or your fbil/fsil may feel the need to stay home anyway since they may still be figuring out sleep schedules and such.
fwiw, here’s my experience– my niece was 15 months old at our wedding, and we had her be our “flower baby–” my bro and sil carried her while they walked down the aisle (they were in the wedding party) and then handed her to my sil’s mother before they took their places. my niece began crying as soon as my sil handed her away, and ended up being carried out of the sanctuary before i walked down the aisle. but in NO way did this ruin the ceremony at all! if anything, i thought it was endearing–i wanted to include her, and she definitely left her mark on the day 😉 many of the guests laughed, and it helped create a really intimate/family/community feeling to the day, which we wanted even though we had 150 guests. i love watching it now (we had an expensive videographer too) just as much as if she was quiet the whole time.
Post # 5
Can you have your mother in law say something to your brother in law about having your sister in law remove the baby from the chapel if it starts crying? Newborns usually sleep and only fuss when they’re hungry. Maybe request seating for them near an exit. You should allow it since they’re really close family. I understand the frustration, my sister in law will have a baby AND two loud toddlers at our wedding, while I’m not wild about the idea it’s what it is.
Post # 6
I think newborns tend to be pretty quiet overall. They seem to be sleeping most of the time, and even if they do begin to cry, their voices never seem to be that loud, so it would barely cause a disturbance. One of my bridesmaids had a three month old at our wedding. I didn’t even notice her at the ceremony, and she ‘sat’ with us at the head table. she was either sleeping, or being passed around among the guests the whole time. It was the slightly older kids who made more of a disturbance: ie. toddler age. In any case, we weren’t too concerned about kid noise.
Post # 7
@kayakblondie: Yeah, toddlers are louder than newborns what I find.
As long as the parents are respectful and leave when their kid fusses, I don’t see a problem. Also request that the videographer film on the opposite side of the chapel or in other locations further from the parents.
Post # 8
I say yes. Like other people have said, just have her sit close to an exit and if the baby starts crying, make a quick getaway.
Post # 9
If the baby is only three weeks old, you’re lucky your Future Sister-In-Law is even willing to come to your wedding. While I understand your FI’s worries about noise and wanting an “adult” event, you need to let that baby attend. At three weeks, he/she will likely just sleep through almost everything in his/her stroller. (Make sure you alert the restaurant ahead of time so they can make room for it.)
Even if they did leave the baby at home, who would watch it? A lot of times, 3 week olds won’t take a bottle. And they eat every two hours MINIMUM. (My nephew eats every hour.)
I think you just have to tough this one out. OR, accept that your Future Sister-In-Law won’t be at the wedding.
Post # 10
I say yes – our friends have a 7 week old baby and although they’ve told me they might get a friend to take her elsewhere during the ceremony I have told them I’m happy for them to bring her along; I agree with others who’ve pointed out that mostly newborns just sleep – its 2 and 3 year olds I am worried about as they’re more likely to be restless or disruptive; but at the end of the day so what if there’s a bit of noise – most parents would probably be considerate enough to take a noisy child outside so in some ways I consider it to be no more disruptive than if an adult guest suddenly suffers a (totally unpreventable) sneezing fit or something!
Post # 11
im saying no. Even if they remove the baby when she starts crying, there will still be an interruption. Some weddings are good places for children and some are not, and if you feel like yours is not then your family should respect that. I’ve been to a few weddings with screaming babies and it was not pretty. Im sure they can find a sitter for a few hours during your wedding.
Post # 12
I think at 3 weeks you can’t expect the mom to leave the baby for an evening. So you either let the baby come, or you essentially uninvite the mom (and maybe couple). I’d let the baby come.
Post # 13
You pretty much have to allow the baby if she is only three weeks old. A baby that young is still breast-feeding and really cannot be away from her mother for that long. Like CorgiTales said, if the baby can’t come you’re basically saying that your Future Sister-In-Law can’t come either, which probably means her husband would stay at home too – I know I would if I were him.
Post # 14
I am having this same issue. My Future Sister-In-Law is due any day now and our wedding is July 9th. I really want my Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law at the wedding, but I was hesitant about having a baby during the ceremony. Luckily for me, my Future Sister-In-Law arranged for her Mother-In-Law to have the baby during the ceremony and to bring her back so we can take some family photos that will include her. I’m not sure if they will want to take the baby to the reception or not, but I was more worried about interruptions to the ceremony. I’m sur eyou could work something out with them if you are just honest.
Post # 15
I don’t believe weddings are places for babies or young children at all… but that’s just my opinion.
Post # 16
The baby has to feed every 2 hours at that point – you can’t ask them to not bring the baby because of that. I think you should allow your Future Brother-In-Law to bring the baby. It sounds like your Fiance doesn’t really understand how intense the first few weeks of having a baby are. If he did, he’d be a LOT more understanding.