Post # 1
I’m looking for all you awesome people out there who are currently surviving or have survived working opposite shifts from your SO. Medical personnel, security guards, etc. First of all, kudos to you because we’ve been doing this for 6 months now and I HATE it… I work 8am-5pm, my husband works 10pm-6am, and then does construction for a friend from 6am-11am a few days a week too. We essentially see eachother from 5-10 each night, meaning we almost never go out seperately in the evening because that’s sacrificing our only time together. He also only gets every other weekend off, and I end up sleeping through a lot of Saturday and Sunday just to actually be in the bed with him for a few hours per week. Not only is not seeing him frustrating, my daily routine is essentially the same as when I was single, since I get up and go to bed by myself every day… I just cook dinner for both of us, and have to do his laundry as well as mine! I also just worry about him working essentially a 13 hour night when he’s so much a morning person anyway — this is so contrary to his system that I’m worried it will affect his health.
So if there’s anybody out there in a similar situation, sound off! Vent about what you hate, tell us about your bright spots (mine is I get to read in bed at night and fall asleep with the light on, he hates that), and share how you deal with the frustrations.
Post # 3
I can relate to this; not to your extreme, but FH works a normal, M-F 9-5 job and I work at Walt Disney World, with an alternating schedule from day to day and I have Thursdays and Fridays off.
Although I have to admit, things have gotten better since last year when we first starting dating; I worked every night from about 5 PM to 1 or 2 in the morning.
Post # 4
*sigh* I know how you feel. I work a regular office job (M-F, 8-5) and he is a police officer who works nights (4pm-3:30am). Though we live together, sometime we go days without seeing each other. On top of that, if he has a weekend off, his schedule is so nocturnal, he sleeps through half of the day. 🙁
We do little things to feel connected– we text, I call him every night as I’m going to bed, he kisses me as he finally comes to bed (at 5 in the morning), I kiss him when I leave for work, etc. As for the bright spots, when he’s not home, I turn the AC down and sleep without fans on! Ah, it’s so nice not to be freezing!
Post # 5
We did this for awhile, but then FI got laid off. It was very difficult, but its also something that I have dealt with my whole life. My father works shift work, and it was usually graveyard, while the rest of the family worked/went to school during normal 9-5. Its also hard when the weekends are gone too and dont get me started about holidays.
For FI and myself, we just dealt with it, as there was no other choice. One thing that you could do is to have a special day of the week, and always do something really nice, go to dinner, movie, or stay in and cook something special. I know it sucks though. I had issues with it, but now that FI is laid off, I wish he were working that schedule so he would still have a job!
Post # 6
While we’re not on opposite shift schedules, my husband’s summer work schedule is ridiculous, so we don’t get to see each other much right now. He works 5 twelve-thirteen hour shifts (gone before 7 am, home around 7:30 or 8 pm). We basically see each other for maybe an hour or two at night before he literally crashes from exhaustion. And from this week forward, there’s a possibility that he’ll have to start working half-days on Saturdays as well. 🙁 It sucks.
Ways I try to manage: I try to go see him at lunch every day. He only gets a half hour (and he can’t leave the work site) but it’s a little bit of time anyway. I also try to get up an hour earlier than I want to so we can get ready together. And I do all the household chore stuff while he’s working so when he does get home he doesn’t have to do anything except eat dinner and spend time with me. 🙂 It’s hard, but for us, I know there is an end in sight (the end of October), so it makes it a little easier since I can make a countdown.
December, will your husband be on this schedule long-term? Or is it set for only a certain length of time? Altogether my husband is on this ridiculous shift for six months out of every year, but it’s nice knowing that it will (eventually) end.
Post # 7
The only thing I can say is that it sucks!! We’ve been doing it for the past 19 months. There have been times (before I lost my job) that we wouldn’t be home at the same time for 2-3 days at a time. When one person is crawling into be the other is crawling out, hence our bed was never made. We corresponded alot via text and cell phones, but it was hard with me working in the hospital and being out on the floor with patients. We’ve really just tried to suck it up and make the best of it. Plus we both worked opposite weekends…
Post # 8
Honestly in the 3 years we have been togethor, we have always had opposite shifts. He works at night from 4PM-11 sometimes later on Friday nights, and I worked a regular office job 9-5 for the first 2 years. So we never had evenings togethor during the week. Now its even weirder because we both work 2 jobs, he works 6am-230 pm then his usual evening 4pm-11pm job 5 days a week, he does get every Saturday night off and Sunday and then one afternoon and one evening, though they are opposite off during the i.e he has Mondays off during the day and always has Wed nights off. However, I now work 3, 12 hr shifts and every other weekend, Fri-Sat, 7pm-7am and 1-2 days 8-5 at my other job. It is difficult, we do go days with out seeing each other, for example last night was the first time I got to spend 5 minutes with him when he came home from work since Sunday night. But you know it works for us. We love each other insanely, we miss each other always and we never take our time for granted. There are days I get pretty emotional, especially when he was in the police academy and we pass in the parking lot and that was our first contact for 3-4 days, I would break down! But I like to be alone at times and having that time that we are apart to get the petty stuff, like laundry, cleaning, grocery done is better because I love having control of that and taking care of the house so that when we are togethor, no time is wasted on that petty stuff, we just relax and do whatever floats our boat. If we ever have the same schedule it will be an adjustment I am sure of it, but right now we dont complain. There are days its hard, but as a PP said, he always kisses me good morning and good night, we txt constantly and sometimes I send him "fun" 🙂 txts to show him whats waiting for him at home. I kind of enjoy missing my man, it keeps it fresh and exciting. It also reminds me just how much I love him and how precious time is so we cherish what we are given.
Post # 9
My fiance and I have been dealing with this for about a year, since I started working nights 7p-7a as a nurse. He works a regular 8a-5p M-F job, and I work every other weekend. My situation is not quite as extreme though because I only work 3 nights a week, and we can be together and have a normal life the other 4.
We just always text each other goodnight, and sometimes I make it home in the morning in time to say goodbye before he leaves. I have no other choice and the money is good, so we just deal with it. I think it makes us appreciate each other more, and I do like having lots of me time on my days off, when he is at work all day.
Post # 10
Ugggh! I’m in the same boat! I work 9am-5pm he works 7pm-5am. We get a couple of hours at night to see eachother, but it stinks because I would love to be doing fun summer stuff with him in the evening! Especially since we don’t live in the same town as all our family & friends. But oh well, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, his supervisor told him he may be going back to days in 4 weeks! Fingers crossed!
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception
Oh, girl. When we first moved in together and started our first real jobs after college, we worked completely opposite shifts, and it was so difficult. I was teaching, so I left for work around 6:45 AM and got home at about 3:30 PM. He was working at our local evening news, and his shift started at 2:30 PM and he got home at midnight. Also, his days off were Thursdays and Fridays, so I never saw him for a full day–only Thursday & Friday afternoons and Saturday & Sunday mornings. We did that for about nine months, until he got switched to the morning news.
Honestly, I had a really hard time with that whole situation. We were both so lonely and miserable (we had also just moved across the country from all our family and friends). We ended up getting a puppy to keep us both occupied and give us company while we were alone!
Post # 12
We’ve been in a situation for over a year where when I come home from work DH is usually just going to work and he doesn’t get home until just before I go to bed, which means we only see each other before bedtime and at breakfast on weekdays. We get what we can out of our weekends and he almost always stops by my office during lunchtime when he’s not at work. It’s worked well for us actually because we get some alone time to just do what we want to do.
Post # 13
When I started my career job, they only had nights available (4pm – 4am M-Th). My FI (live-in boyfriend at the time) worked a normal 8-5 M-F. It was really difficult. We basically only had weekends and I would come to his work for lunch on Fridays sometimes. It was actually a really dark time for us. He started going out with his friends to bars on weeknights, getting totally smashed. After 6 months, a day shift opened up so my schedule changed. However, now that I was home nights, bad habits are hard to break. But we got through it. That was 4 years ago.
Post # 14
I can totally relate, my FI is a police officer (yay cops beffielou!), he works 3pm-1am four days in a row. I have a regular 9-5 job. Unfortunately we don’t live together so we only see each other about 3 or 4 times a week. He works weekends 2 months in a row and then has weekends off for the next 2 months. Everytime his schedule changes, we have to adjust when we see each other. For example, right now he is working weekends so on Saturday and Sunday mornings I wake up early and go to his house and we have a breakfast "date". We eat breakfast together and just hang out until he has to get ready for work.
We were actually discussing the situation last night. While it sucks that we can’t see each other everyday, we both feel like it makes us appreciate the time we do have with each other. I think it takes a little bit more effort to make things work, but he’s totally worth it 🙂
Post # 15
Those of you who live together and don’t sleep at the same time, how do you like that? Sometimes I get really sad that we can’t sleep in the same bed, especially because we live in a sketchy neighborhood and I get scared at night, but then there are times when we do get a day off/night off and have a long nap together where I wake up after a few hours going crazy because I’m sick of snuggling! Don’t get me wrong, falling asleep in his arms is great, but I don’t know that I could stand staying there for the next 8 hours!
Post # 16
Its up and down for my FI. He enjoys it at times bc I am a bed hog and steal the covers and sometimes I can stay up for hours so I am not always ready to go to bed when he is. Then on the other hand he hates going to bed without me. Even with me working night shift I try to stay on his schedule when I am off. I will sleep for 2-3 hrs then wakeup if he is home or its the weekend then nap here and there so that I can go to bed when he does. I dont have an issue other than trying to sleep during the day. It sucks.