Post # 1
I can’t stop snooping. A few weeks ago I uncovered SO’s proposal plan, this past weekend I found the ring. The problem? It’s not the ring. I went into complete meltdown mode. It is a stunning ring, it’s absolutely beautiful but it’s not right for me. I am an incredibly picky person and I like what I like for very specific reasons. I’m very rough on my hands, I work in a very busy office and my hands are digging in and out of file boxes all day. My dream ring is cathedral (more protection for the stone) and sits somewhat low (again, so I don’t get it slammed in something), the ring in the closet is pretty open and sits very high. Because of SO’s past (he was in a very sticky breakup), I’m overly cautious of what I say and how it will impact him – I would never in a million years tell him I snooped BUT I can’t see myself wearing this ring.
How can I let him know (after the proposal) that this is not the ring? Does anyone have experience with these types of conversations?
*Yes, I realize this might sound childish but it is what it is. No snarkiness (I’m already beating myself up over it), please. And I would NEVER do option #3 but I know of people who have.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Just tell him afterwards that he did a good job, but for practical reasons you would like to change the setting
Post # 4
@MeiFrancis: Thanks! I talked to my best friend who suggested that too. I am the least confrontational person you could ever imagine so even thinking about saying that is eating me up. I know the bigger picture is that I get to spend my life with the most incredible person ever…the ring is just a piece of metal & stones.
Post # 5
I had to tell my husband that I wasn’t a fan of the band that he picked, it was matching and I wanted rose gold. You have a better reason for wanting a new ring, I just wanted a different look.
I too, was super nervous about telling him because he gets his feelings hurt really easily.I just said “Babes, I love the band you got me, it is so beautiful, but it isn’t exactly what I pictured for my wedding set. How would you feel about exchanging it for something really similar but rose gold?” and of course I threw in the whole “If you really don’t want me to that’s fine, I know you put a lot of thought into what you got me!”.
He was a little sad about it but in the end agreed that he would rather me have something I love then just wear something because he got it for me.
I think with your reasons for wanting a different ring it shouldn’t be a big deal. I would just try to pick out another ring that has some of the same qualities so he still feels like you loved the ring he picked out.
Post # 6
Just be an adult. Tell him the ring is beautiful and you’re so happy to be getting married but that you’re worried you’ll break it because of your job and you’d like a different setting. He might be sad that the ring he picked wasn’t perfect (because it’s an incredibly nerve-wracking thing to do) but in the end he’ll want you to have a ring you love and are comfortable with. Just put your big girl panties on and talk to him once you’re engaged. I’d give it a week, afterwards though. That way it’s not like a rejection.
Post # 7
@Birdee106: The ring he picked is very similar to what I picked. Like I said, it’s beautiful it’s just not “the ring”. It seems like such a trivial issue to an outsider but when you’re actually in the moment it’s the pits. I’m glad you got your dream ring, thanks for the advice!!
Post # 8
@MrsBudz2Bee: I would NOT tell him its not the ring for you….I would just get myself a plain ring for at work…in fact I have a fancy ring but have just purchased 2 stand in rings for if we travel or swimming or whatever…I would think he took a lot of time to pick your ring and it would hurt his feelings…what I did before we got engaged was to make sure that I told him that I would like to chose my own ring because I definately did not want a traditional ring…he thought it was a bit odd and definately thought my choice of ring was odd too!…If however he had already bought me a ring I would have never said anything…
Post # 9
@MrsBudz2Bee: I hope that by the time he proposes, the ring is still within returnable timeframes. that would be my only concern.
Post # 10
michiru4ever: Thanks! I think that’s probably what will happen!!
lifegirl: We’ve had the discussion, I’ve said countless times that I wanted to go ring shopping. I want the experiance, the fanfare. It’s all part of it and I don’t want to miss out. I don’t think I would buy a “work ring” because I kind of think that’s worse than lying. I think he’d want me to love my ring all day, everyday.
lilsweetie: I had that thought too…I guess we’ll just have to see what happens. I don’t think I could tell him I snooped though. Fingers crossed!
Post # 11
Before he gives it to you could you point out a friends’s ring, something on TV, magazine picture and give him a big hint saying something like, “Chrissy’s ring is so beautiful, but the stone being so high would knock into everything at work for me.” Depends on how he is with subtly.
I sent the link to the Fiance and watched him buy it and even check the process time last night, because I am also picky!