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Anyone? Should I just be sucking it up and aplogizing (for what I don't know) to save the family holiday?
Come on bees. This one's actually too embarrassing for me to discuss with RL friends cause the argument was about my parents negative views about...*oh god*..people of different races. Not only did they treat me horribly but I'm having trouble coming to terms with the fact that my parents are.. you know the word.
I would still make the dinner and have your Grandma come over. Blow out fights take some time to resolve - if your parents miss out, its their loss. Some time apart may let both parties cool down. Especially where the issue such a touchy on. You are right, I wouldn't want to talk to my RL friends about an issue like this either.
My parents can be prejudiced against homosexuals sometimes. My neighbors in my hometown are gay. I have no problems with this, and have a great relationship with them, plus I have lots of gay friends myself. My parents are always nice to them, but then sometimes, my mother especially, makes the occasional rude comment. I always stand up for my neighbors (and gay people in general!), and then my mom proceeds to tell me how she was "just joking!" (yeah right).
@ Valhalla-Thanks. I guess I am trying to avoid telling my Grandmother about the fight. She lives two hours away so if my parents decide not to spend Thanksgiving with us, they may drive to see her or make other arrangements. I guess I am just going to have to call her if I don't hear from them soon.
My picture perfect Thanksgiving is turning into a Jerry Springer episode. 
Try not to stress too much Arizona (although its easier said than done)! I find that holidays put additional pressure on people to have a "perfect" holiday get together. REAL families often have real drama.
I would just be honest with your Grandma if she asks. Just let her know you and your parents had a disagreement, and you hope they will still join you for Thanksgiving.
One of the things I take great comfort in is knowing FI always has my back. No matter what blowout is going on with my parents, he is always there for me. Take this time to let FI comfort you too - he definitely sounds like a stand-up guy!
Honestly, I would suck it up and host thanksgiving. My parents and I have different views on life as well. I have just learned that I am, unfortunately, unable to change them. But I have also learned that life is too short.
Thank you so much for saying that about FI. I was shocked that he sent the email. I think he was shocked at himself. My Dad can be a very cool, aloof, "tough guy" (engineer and was a Marine) and no one dares to disagree with him (except me:-) cause that's how he raised me! (Deal with it, Dad!) For FI to write the email to them and stand up for me was amazing proof to me that we are ready to be married and we are offically a family of our own. No matter what.
Well your FI certainly sounds like an awesome guy. And good for him!
I say try to have your Grandmother over on your own, there's no reason why you should miss out on a holiday with her. And let your parents know that they're more than welcome as well but you cannot allow that type of behavior in your home. I had a similar problem on my B-day with a gay cousin and a homophobic friend. If you can't play nice - don't come.
One more thing - I know you don't want your grandmother to know about the fight but you might want to talk to her about it. She'll notice if your parents aren't there and she'll def. know if you're all arguing. And hey, ya never know - grandma might just be the voice of reason for your parents.
Thanks for all your responses. I really want my Grandma here and I will call her.
Our argument is not really about their views. Even though I vehemently disagree with them. The argument is about having respect for my opinion and what I have to say regardless of whether or not I agree. When I was at their house, I got upset because my Dad was not allowing me my opinion and basically implied that I was too "emotional" to understand what he was saying. What he was saying was not hard to understand, just appalling) He was on a soapbox and wouldnot step down. I left and went inside to pack up our stuff. Never raised my voice, didn't get nasty, just left.) Then my Mom decided to start her own argument with me about the fact that she thinks I am rude and say hurtful things all the time. This was truly bizarre as my Fi and I were not sure where this came from. It seemed totally out of left field. It's like she thinks that I should just accept my Dad's behavior because I am sometimes hurtful. ???
Anyway, this is all more about respect and the fact that my parents are very cruel and condescending sometimes. I am in complete shock about their seemingly newfound views and I am embarrassed by them, but I will find a way to deal with that.
I think you should treat your family with more love and respect than you would treat a stranger, not less. And, if you already know upfront that someone disagrees with you on politics, religion or social topics, why bring it up in the first place? Just so you can spout off about it? We were invited over there for a good time, not to get lectured.
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So we were supposed to host Thanksgiving this year. My parents were going to come over and we were going to make arrangements for my 96 year old Grandmother to stay with us. We were going to make the entire dinner. About 10 days ago, we were at my parents house and I had a huge blow-out nasty fight with them. I can only remember having 5 or 6 of these kind of fights with them in my whole life (I'm over 41!) They treated me horribly that night and since then my Mom called twice. The first time she acted like nothing had happened and kept me on the phone for 30 min about nothing. The second time she called I tried to "open the door" for a reconciliation and when she played dumb, we got into it again. She hung up on me.
FI actually wrote them an email 2 days ago, defending me and trying to pave the way for a reconciliation and they have not responded. I will feel awful if Grandma does not get to spend Thanksgiving here, but I don't think they are going to come around and I don't think we can handle getting my Grandma up here and situated on our own (she broke her hip). Should we try? Tomorrow is FI's birthday and I don't think they are going to acknowledge it now, and my b-day is the day after Thanksgiving.
I told FI that if things don't change, we are still making the whole dinner, just for the two of us. Has anyone ever had family drama around the holidays and just decided to "opt-out" of the family holiday?