Post # 1
I usually don’t like to vent, but am feeling frustrated and feel like I need to let it out somewhere. I feel like other people are taking control of wedding-related decisions that aren’t theirs to make.
FI’s mother and sister-in-law went behind my back and bought outfits for the flower girl and ring bearer without consulting me. They still haven’t bothered to call or e-mail me about this, and I have no idea what these outfits look like or what color they are. Fiance was the one who told me. I’m really upset about this – Fiance said he’d speak to them about it. Everything I’ve read about wedding ettiquette says that the bride is the one who chooses the flower girl/ring bearer attire.
I usually get along fine with them, so I have no idea why they would go and do something like this. They should both know better – neither of these women are ignorant about ettiquette. I talked to Future Sister-In-Law about choosing outfits in the fall, and we agreed that we’d find something that everybody liked. I certainly did not tell her to go buy something without asking me.
I’m also not that happy about how our guest list ended up, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.
Any other bees out there struggling with similar issues? I feel like these issues are tricky to deal with, and I don’t want to be branded as a Bridezilla.
Post # 3
Hm well it was extremely rude of them to do so. Considering you get along well, they may have thought that they were doing something to take away a bit of your burden. Maybe they were hoping to surprise you. Either way, somehow I think this must be a huge misunderstanding.
I would recommend calling to say “hey, Fiance told me that you picked out a flower girl and ring bearer outfits. I was hoping we could do that together”. Listen to what they say and take it from there. I imagine that once they understand that you wanted a hand in this, they’ll go red with embarrassment.
Post # 4
is your flower girl/page boy your FSIL’s children? even if the answer is yes, it still very rude of them to do this without consulting you and even if they are super excited they still should have spoken to you about it
im glad to hear your Fiance is going to speak to them
Post # 5
Well, it’s certainly not nice that they did that… but maybe they’ll turn out to be totally adorable!
Post # 6
Yes, they’re my FSIL’s children. It’s true – the outfits could be adorable. I’m just skeptical because Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law have no idea what my dress looks like, nor did they ask what our wedding colors are. My Maid/Matron of Honor (I’m only having one attendant) is still in the process of choosing her own dress – Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law don’t know that I gave her that option to pick it herself.
I really would’ve liked to coordinate the flower girl’s dress with the Maid/Matron of Honor dress, and now I’m worried that the wedding party is going to look mismatched. I was more than happy to pay for the kids’ outfits, and Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law know that. Sigh.
Post # 7
This actually happened a month or so ago to me and I really didn’t think much about it at the time. My Fiance and I thought we may have his niece and my niece as flower girls. But, we haven’t officially decided this or officially asked his sister or my brother’s wife yet. I have not decided on wedding colors yet either. So, I get an email from FFIL’s blackberry with pictures of two different dresses. I’m thinking what are these for? They didn’t look like a flower girl dress and were off white/cream and white. First of all, they looked like first holy communion or Easter dresses and these little girls will be 2 and 3 y.o. I know Future Mother-In-Law is very excited about the wedding. But, these aren’t what I have in mind at all and little girls should be wearing a color. My Future Sister-In-Law didn’t even know that Future Mother-In-Law bought the dresses. I simply responded that those dresses were not what I had in mind. I want to do something simple and fun for little girls…maybe a tutu with ballet flats. Just tell them that you have your own ideas and you appreciate the input.