(Closed) Ouch

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

🙁 

I feel you … I have been thin my whole life and i gained a little weight ..but I am not fat or even chubby by any means and my grandmother told me when I was trying something on, that I should buy a bigger size or lose some weight… i died a little inside 🙁 

(hugs)

Post # 4
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Aw I’m sorry. Just ignore him!

Post # 5
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s horrible!! I had someone tell me recently that I should stick to salads til the wedding (in 8 weeks) to fit in my dress. I told them that they should also stick to salad to fit in their dress (that was already purchased). It is so rude when people say those things. Sometimes they think they’re being helpful but they are not!

 

Post # 6
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s awful. What a jerky thing to say.

Are you generally close to your dad?  If so, it might be useful to tell him how hurtful that was. Some men just have no f-ing clue that statements like that can feel like a knife in the heart.

Post # 8
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Dad has said the same thing before – I had gained a bit of weight (about 20lbs in 5 years during college). It hurt, but I just brushed it off.

What was even worse – my Grandmother, at her sisters husbands funeral (my great uncle), turns to me and goes “you gained weight” – during the burial. Yea – that was a major blow. It really bothered me. Wrong place, wrong time to say that. Someone else overheard, and it became widely talked about later in the day. I had many people come up and say I looked great, which really helped. Still, can’t help but feel hurt.

Try not to let it get to you too much. Maybe consider it him looking out for your health. Not sure if any health issues run in your family – we have them, so I try to think that is where my family is coming from when I hear these things.

Post # 9
Member
2578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Nothing to say, but ((hugs)).

Post # 10
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

yeah ouch.  

My dad told me the same thing about 2 years ago.  I had gained about 20 pounds in the span of a year and half and one day when I was trying on clothes at my parents house my dad said “it looks like you’ve put on quite a bit of weight.”  I was devestated to hear that from him because he’s always thought of me as his perfect princess.  But you know what?  He was right.  I  DID gain weight and that comment was exactly what I needed to kick my butt into gear and lose all that weight.  I went on a diet and lost all that weight in a few months and felt so much better.

 

Just realize that he didn’t say that to be mean but because he just wants the best for you.  Big hugs.

Post # 11
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2011

This is going to be an unpopular opinion (and I don’t know anything about your relationship with your Dad), but if you can’t count on your Dad to tell you the truth, then who can you count on? Mine said something similar to me when I was a teenager.. that the more weight I put on, the harder it’ll be to take off again. And you know what? He was right. And it was.

Anyway, my point is that I bet your Dad didn’t say what he said out of spite or with criticism. He’s your Dad. He wants you to be healthy.

Post # 12
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

eh… my mom’s been saying that crap to me ever since i started puberty. i don’t think she noticed that her constantly urging me to lose weight just made it worse. i was too self conscious to join friends in any physical activity (because it looks stupid when fat people run). so it got worse when i lost out on most of my exercise (playing!). 

Post # 13
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ugh, OP, I can totally relate.  Sorry this happened to you 🙁

Ever since Christmas, my dad has made comments like “Don’t eat too much, you need to be thin & fit into your wedding dress” He made comments when they put the Christmas cookies out, he said the same thing before I left for my bridal shower… My dad isn’t a thin guy either (not huge, but he’s got himself a belly).

My mom said something after Christmas when we went shopping together & I was trying on jeans, “You look like you’ve gained weight.”  Thanks mom & dad.  

I’m not fat by any means (I wear a size 8-10 depending on the store), but I could stand to lose 20 pounds.  I’m really self conscious so it’s not like I’m not aware of this, and them bringing it up didn’t help matters.  It’s not like I was stuffing my face & drowning my sorrows in food, so it’s not like them saying anything was going to “kick start” me into losing weight… I had been trying!

I lost 10 pounds between Christmas & when I came home for my shower in March, and they didn’t notice anything, but my dad still made the comment about not eating too much because I need to fit into my dress… it irritates me more than anything because I’m working hard towards losing weight, and it frustrates me when all they can see is the weight that still has to be lost… and at a size 8-10, I’m not even that big!

Post # 14
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ilikevodka: Im going to have to agree with you, although it is hard to hear sometimes. While trying on dresses, my mom told me that I had a few lbs to lose before the wedding, which pretty much confirmed what I was already thinking. Sometimes it helps you get to your goal if there are people that are honest with you, rather than everyone telling you how great you look.

Post # 15
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@kt23525: Someone telling you that youve gained some weight and someone telling you how/what to eat are two different things!

Id be pissed if someone told me not to eat something!

Post # 16
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I feel like discussing weight is a lose lose. I am relatively thin, but I am not toned by any means. I’m small, but mushy, and lately i have been trying to watch what I eat so that I can try to build some muscle and tone up before the honeymoon. But it pisses me off to no end when people ridicule me for watching what I eat, or when I talk about going to the gym, just because I am small. I know they’re not trying to be mean, but I just don’t appreciate anyone making judgements about what I should or should not eat. We all have issues with our bodies, no matter who we are, and it’s just no one else’s business! Don’t let it get to you, OP!

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