Post # 1
I just posted this thread a few days ago:
I feel like I can finally look at rings without feeling guilty!
Basically, SO told me he had told his family he was thinking of taking the next step within the year. I’m all giddy and thinking progress is being made.
I brought it up again just to get more details.
Me: So ..were you serious when you told your family you were thinking of it happening within the next year?
SO: Oh. Yeah, I guess I was pretty serious about it. Though I was also trying to come up with a good answer that wasn’t too soon but not super far away either.
SO: I mean I’m not putting it on the calendar for next christmas eve or something, but I definitely want to be moving in that direction!
Ouch. I’m crushed, you guys. It doesn’t help that I just started my period and am extremely emotional right now. I just think what he originally said was very misleading and now I’m upset. I know I should be enjoying this “waiting” period, but I’m not.
I’m tired of the vague “one day” responses and no concrete answers.
Post # 3
I’m in the same boat. He just keeps saying “one day.” Well, if one day doesn’t happen soon, there will be a huge reevaluation of our relationship. I’m ready to settle down and be married. Men. They just don’t get it.
Post # 4
I know exactly how you feel. ***HUGS***
It sucks, it really does, but at least he is seeing a future with you, eventually.
Post # 5
((Hughs)) I was on the boat couple years ago and know how you feel, but at least you know he wants to take the next step, so that’s a good sign, it can be worse, where he doesn’t even want it, you know….just hang in there….it will happen, maybe he is telling you one, one day, maybe one day will be sooner than expected it.
Post # 6
@pokie45: I know exactly how you feel. It’s like… but YOU said…
and then he’s like, I said something “vague-er”. And you can’t argue with him because that’s the truth, but at the same time it’s the feeling that you had known and were at an agreement for a certain time. It blows. Especially at first, but over the past few days I’ve been able to look at it more logically (for myself anyways, I can imagine in some relationships it wouldn’t be logical AT ALL!)
Post # 7
I sympathize here. I thought I was doing good with waiting and being patient. But the holidays and hearing of all the engagements just got me very sad. I figure I do have a timeline (including a potential wedding date, at the very least month) but it feels like it can be any time and yet no where soon. I want to be surprised, but I have no idea if he’s talked to my parents, or even gotten the ring yet. Too much uncertainty for me – I like having some control, lol!
Doesn’t help when other things are bothering you. I’m in waiting for the new job to come through hell, trying to find a house with this boy, and it’s all too much at once. I think that makes it harder.
Good luck everyone.
Post # 8
Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. It really does help. I have been so good about it the past 2 or 3 months. Today is just a bad day.
It doesn’t help that over Christmas break, my family and relatives kept asking when he was going to propose and that I shouldn’t wait around on him and should be concerned if it doesn’t happen soon. The outside pressure is a lot to handle on top of everything else.
It would be completely different if we had a plan or some sort of timeline. I would be completely okay then. Well ..maybe not completely. But it would help.
Post # 9
@pokie45: Just wanted to send you some good energy! And I’m sure your friends and family were trying to be helpful with their advice. But sometimes people are asses (I mean this in the nicest way possible) and only you will know what is right. If your heart says hang in there then hang in there. I understand your frustations, really I do, but don’t be a crazy person like me and get all caught up in it.
And yeah, timelines do help, but not with everyone. After my last timeline passed I’ve dropped the whole timeline thing and have just decided to take it day by day and leave when I have my aha moment. Some people get stressed by timelines (like my SO – he cannot handle deadlines like these) and maybe it will only serve to stress your SO out as well. Trust that things will work out in their own time.
And until then, focus on being fabulous. =)
Post # 10
@pokie45: Punkin, don’t be too hard on yourself….the beginning of a new year always gears everyone into the mindset of getting things in order. We all make lists of things we want to get done, on your list is get engaged, you thought SO was in the same wheel-house and now you get this milk-toasty “someday” response outta him…period or not, that would have irked me too!
You shop for rings all you want…Big Mouth over there opened this door and god damn it, your gonna walk through it whether he’s got it written on his calendar or not…honestly, what did he expect?
Post # 11
oy vey — this is very frustrating… sorry toots
Post # 12
No words. just hugs *hugs*
Post # 13
Thanks for the support — you guys are the best. We’re talking more about it tonight ..since I know communication is key! He claims I misinterpreted his response to my question and that he would like to explain himself. So I guess we’ll see. I’ll keep you updated.
Post # 14
For some reason, I’m convinced that for men time is not ever an issue. IT IS INFURIATING, I know. Next year to him doesn’t seem far away, but for some chicks (like you) it is!
Last year went extremely quickly, and this year should too. Before you know it, you’ll be an engaged bee. Guys take time to make those kinds of decisions. I didn’t realize before FI proposed, but this is a big big huge huge decision for guys.
(((hugs))) Cry it out, eat a pint, watch some movies. 🙂
If he ever says he has a plan, please believe him. I didn’t believe FI and he knocked my socks off! Trust your mate.
Post # 15
@sealevels: Aww, that was exactly what I needed to hear. THANK YOU! I know it’ll all work out in the end — it’s just a tough process!
Post # 16
I would be disappointed too- if you want to be engaged in the next year, I would explain that you took his words to his family seriously and that YOU want to be engaged in the next year. If you don’t tell him how you feel, he won’t know, so I think being straightforward with him would be best. The bright side is that your relationship is moving in the right direction- even if you can’t feel it- waiting seems like such a stand still to me. I also know that waiting is a LOT harder when I am extra-hormonal, so *BIG HUG* and eat lots of chocolate!