(Closed) Ouch. Just a little crushed.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m in the same boat. He just keeps saying “one day.” Well, if one day doesn’t happen soon, there will be a huge reevaluation of our relationship. I’m ready to settle down and be married. Men. They just don’t get it.

Post # 4
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

I know exactly how you feel. ***HUGS*** 

It sucks, it really does, but at least he is seeing a future with you, eventually. 

Post # 5
Member
4574 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

((Hughs)) I was on the boat couple years ago and know how you feel, but at least you know he wants to take the next step, so that’s a good sign, it can be worse, where he doesn’t even want it, you know….just hang in there….it will happen, maybe he is telling you one, one day, maybe one day will be sooner than expected it.

Post # 6
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@pokie45:  I know exactly how you feel. It’s like… but YOU said…

and then he’s like, I said something “vague-er”. And you can’t argue with him because that’s the truth, but at the same time it’s the feeling that you had known and were at an agreement for a certain time. It blows. Especially at first, but over the past few days I’ve been able to look at it more logically (for myself anyways, I can imagine in some relationships it wouldn’t be logical AT ALL!)

Post # 7
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I sympathize here. I thought I was doing good with waiting and being patient. But the holidays and hearing of all the engagements just got me very sad. I figure I do have a timeline (including a potential wedding date, at the very least month) but it feels like it can be any time and yet no where soon. I want to be surprised, but I have no idea if he’s talked to my parents, or even gotten the ring yet. Too much uncertainty for me – I like having some control, lol!

Doesn’t help when other things are bothering you. I’m in waiting for the new job to come through hell, trying to find a house with this boy, and it’s all too much at once. I think that makes it harder.

Good luck everyone.

Post # 9
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@pokie45:  Just wanted to send you some good energy! And I’m sure your friends and family were trying to be helpful with their advice. But sometimes people are asses (I mean this in the nicest way possible) and only you will know what is right. If your heart says hang in there then hang in there. I understand your frustations, really I do, but don’t be a crazy person like me and get all caught up in it.

And yeah, timelines do help, but not with everyone. After my last timeline passed I’ve dropped the whole timeline thing and have just decided to take it day by day and leave when I have my aha moment. Some people get stressed by timelines (like my SO – he cannot handle deadlines like these) and maybe it will only serve to stress your SO out as well. Trust that things will work out in their own time.

And until then, focus on being fabulous. =)

Post # 10
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@pokie45:  Punkin, don’t be too hard on yourself….the beginning of a new year always gears everyone into the mindset of getting things in order.  We all make lists of things we want to get done, on your list is get engaged, you thought SO was in the same wheel-house and now you get this milk-toasty “someday” response outta him…period or not, that would have irked me too! 

You shop for rings all you want…Big Mouth over there opened this door and god damn it, your gonna walk through it whether he’s got it written on his calendar or not…honestly, what did he expect?

Post # 11
Hostess
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

oy vey — this is very frustrating… sorry toots Undecided

Post # 12
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

No words. just hugs *hugs*

Post # 14
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

For some reason, I’m convinced that for men time is not ever an issue. IT IS INFURIATING, I know. Next year to him doesn’t seem far away, but for some chicks (like you) it is!

Last year went extremely quickly, and this year should too. Before you know it, you’ll be an engaged bee. Guys take time to make those kinds of decisions. I didn’t realize before FI proposed, but this is a big big huge huge decision for guys.

(((hugs))) Cry it out, eat a pint, watch some movies. 🙂

If he ever says he has a plan, please believe him. I didn’t believe FI and he knocked my socks off! Trust your mate.

Post # 16
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would be disappointed too- if you want to be engaged in the next year, I would explain that you took his words to his family seriously and that YOU want to be engaged in the next year.  If you don’t tell him how you feel, he won’t know, so I think being straightforward with him would be best.  The bright side is that your relationship is moving in the right direction- even if you can’t feel it- waiting seems like such a stand still to me.  I also know that waiting is a LOT harder when I am extra-hormonal, so *BIG HUG* and eat lots of chocolate! 

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