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Why do you care about how he proposed? Do you think this is an example of him a) not living up to your expectations, b) keeping his word, c) having totally different perspectives on things in life--because these are much bigger issues than just "he didn't propose the way I wanted it." I think you have to ask yourself whether you are letting yourself get carried away with the wedding myth--are you so caught up in what is "wedding appropriate" that you are forgetting who your guy reall is?
I'm sure you know you can't change him, that he is who is, and that if you don't accept him for that person then you shouldn't be with him. I think you need to ask yourself whether your being upset is because of wedding mania, or because you thought you loved & wanted him for who he is, but now this is making you realize that you want something/someone else. If it's the first reason then just remind yourself that a wedding is one day and a marriage is a lifetime, and that you are being irrational. And if it is the second reason, you should know that there is nothing wrong with that, and that it happens to alot of people. You may have alot of thinking to do, but just be sure you reflect on this as honestly and bravely as you can.
Good luck.
Luckie, I think your proposal story is very sweet because it seems like he just couldn't WAIT for you to be his fiance! My engagement to Mr. Magnolia was sweet but low-key as well, which turned out to be perfect for us. I would have said yes either way, and reflecting on it now, it was much more fitting for us that it was at home, just the two of us, no big production involved.
If this continues to bother you, maybe you could have a discussion with him about doing more to make one another feel special. But I definitely wouldn't question your relationship and its validity based on that one moment in time...your relationship is only supposed to get better and stronger from there, right?
Good luck!
Luckie -
I wasn't real happy with my proposal at first either. Mr S did it on vacation, with my 3 year old daughter - and she actaully asked me. Not him. After 15 minutes of happiness and calling everyone I was right back to mom duty getting her ready for bed.
I was stressed out, overstimulated from the proposal (even though I had a sneeking suspicion he was going to do it that week) and I felt I wanted more. In the end we had a big fight about it, Why coulnd't you have waited another hour until she was alseep, you had this whole romantic cabin to work with....lots of things I said I'd wished I didn't however I think talking about it made me feel better.
It took me realizing that all that matters is he's at that altar waiting for me the day of our wedding. Even if we crash land and skid to a stop in getting there.
Mr S was also married before me. It wasn't along marriage but, I live in the house they bought together and care for the dog they bought together. I use most of their wedding gifts to cook and clean this house and you know it took me a few months to get used to that.
We've remodled (and it needed it!) and turned this into our house, I'm phasing out their old gifts to make room for the new ones we will recieve and the dog - well I just hope he doens't like to be 15...lol (not a dog person, good dog... not for me)
The bottom line is, I found that setting these expectations for what I wanted in life from someone else was only setting me up for disappointment. I can't control him any more then I can control the weather and I can't expect him to read my mind.
I stopped being upset I wasn't his first and replaced that with the overpowering joy that I am his last. Had he not met his first wife, he woulnd't have ended up in the right place and time for me to meet him. And it was a learning experiance he needed in life, as for me as well.
You have to love your life now because you can't change the past. If the proposal is really bothering you this much maybe there an underlining issue that you're not seeing. Maybe you don't feel he really is the one? You need to get your head around some things, talk to him about it. ANd stop hating the ex, it will only tear your relationship apart. If all you're going to do is remind him of his mistakes he's not going to want to stay around, you know?
I love Mr S and I now love my engagement story - and so does my daughter :-) We got to include her in something as well and looking back that could be that one little knot that makes my family stronger in the end.
GL girl!
To be honest, I think you are making a big deal out of something that doesn't really matter. I mean, it is pretty romantic that he was so excited about asking you that he couldn't wait once he had the ring and scrapped all his original plans to just blurt it out.
My proposal wasn't great. But it doesn't change how I feel about my guy - planning isn't really his forte.
However, one thing you might want to think about (armchair psychiatry) is that maybe you know deep down that he is not the right guy or this isn't the right time for you and so you are taking minor things (ie he didn't wait for you - when presumably he didn't even know you, his proposal wasn't romantic enough) and making them into major issues to give yourself a "reason" to feel like this and postpone/cancel the wedding.
If its not that and you really do just want to have something romantic to tell, ask for a redo. :) Tell him that you were really looking forward to something romantic and surprising and although you know it is silly, you really would like him to do something like that.
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i dont know.. it's one thing if you didn't expect a big proposal from him.. but it is quite another when he has hinted many times and how he has played out scenes as to how he would propose, that you wouldn't think that the proposal would go any other way. I would definitely be disappointed as well, because he has raised that expectations for you. i knew my FI was not the romantic type and I never thought that our proposal would be grand at all... He already told me he wouldn't want to kneel to propose.. For me, I didn't really see much of significance in that but the main thing that I would not falter from was that he had to ask my parents' permission above all else, which he did. I think that shows much bravery and chivalry than kneeling. how the proposal went, I would never change it. I was never into surprises so I knew he would propose.. but I didn't know when.. he proposed on Mother's Day when I just drove back from Philly after hanging with family.. he didn't even propose with an e-ring but instead bought a wedding band to do that.. he left the e-ring for me to pick out of my own and I picked one that matches the band perfectly.. I wouldn't want any other way.. because I didn't have high expectations, it went better than I expected. i honestly thought he was going to chuck the ring at me and be done with it.. =P but it was better and i replay it in my mind when i think of it. I don't think it's asking too much for you as well. you may need to talk to him about that, because this will eat away at you if you don't. good luck to you. hope things work out.
I agress with 'cs' completely...
Another point that I think is important is that you can have a really great proposal, but that doesnt mean that the person cares about you more, or that the relationship is better off. I was proposed to in a very nice way, very romantic, but the relationship was crap, and we never wound up getting married.
good luck!
i think the issue here is that he played it up, saying he had something great in mind for her and that he had something planned. and when it didnt play out as he had mentioned, then i think its natural to wonder, what the heck happened? what happened to that grand plan? does he feel different? was he just talking crap? its almost like being lied to. I dont think a grand proposal is necessary, but he really shouldnt have said anything unless he meant it. I think I would have been disappointed as well....but i probably would have gotten over it. It has now been 6 months and I would think you need to really think about why this is bothering you so much. good luck!
I agree with Sweeney completely. There are no shortage of great proposals (and great weddings for that matter) that do not equate to a great marriage. Focus on the relationship; that is what matters. And as a fun side story, my father's proposal to my mothers was "The ring is in the glove compartment." Apparently, because they picked it out together, he didn't think he had to formally ask her. She just sighed, took the ring out of the glove compartment, and put it on. Fast forward 20 years... for one of her birthdays he got together with her friends and planned a HUGE 100+ person elaborate surprise party. Then, in front of all of the guests he got down on one knee and professed his love to her. It was incredibly romantic, with 100+ people crying. She had never complained about the original proposal, that was the man she had married. But people aren't static, we grow and evolve, and he turned out to be quite the romantic later in life.
Not to kick down how you're feeling, but sometimes guys just don't think of it the way we women do. They see things in a practical end result way and sometimes don't take into account emotions etc. For example, I love, love, love Mr. Hum, but sometimes I'll come to him with an issue and he'll jump right in with solutions on how to fix it when what I really need in the moment is a hug and some comforting.
I think it's pretty sweet that he just wanted to do it right away because 1) I think it shows how comfortable he is with you.
2) Because he did it the day he got the ring, he must have been pretty excited.
If it really, really bothers you, you could talk to him about it, but before you do that, I would take a deep breath and stop thinking about this as the end result and instead think of it as the starting point of your committed life together, a life in which you will have plenty of happy and romantic times together.
He loves you, hun! Don't let one silly moment cast a shadow on how great that is. :)
I'm with JW. It wouldn't have been as big of a deal if he hadn't talked it up. If he was so excited, why tell you he was going to do something so special? I don't blame you one bit for feeling hurt and a little cheated about it. I second the poster who was wondering if maybe this is symbolic of some other problems you might see in the relationship regarding setting up expectations, trust, etc.
I can see how the buildup got you excited and then the end result was way less than what you wanted. My proposal story is very boring, and it involves the phrases, "you should turn down the tv," and "as soon as there is a commerical, we need to talk." One of my best friends also had a lackluster proposal.
Fast forward to our other best friend who knew she was getting engaged. Her fiance told EVERYONE about how he was going to be super amazing with the proposal - he had such GRAND plans and he had her all worked up and she couldn't wait. The day he got the ring, they went to dinner, and when they came home, her nose started bleeding. She was standing in the bathroom with a rag over her nose when he just blurted it out and pulled out the ring. We still give him a hard time over his 'awesome' proposal.
What does this have to do with you? Uh . . . I don't know, other than some guys just can't wait to either get it over with because of nerves or whatnot, or they just can't wait to be engaged to you. Maybe he had big plans and they fell through? I would talk to him about it before you get too worked up - maybe there is a reason behind it that you don't know about. But also think about how you truly feel about him and the relationship. If you can't move past a less than spectacular proposal, then how will you move past the bigger stuff when you're married?
I am wondering if this is an isolated event, or if you feel like you are consistently disappointed in this way? Is he in general not a romantic kind of guy, and you wish that he was? You should remember that he was probably pretty nervous. I think that we underestimate how hard it can be for a guy to pop the question. My FI was so emotional that he had tears in his eyes when I said YES - even though we had shopped for the ring together! (So I think he was pretty sure of the answer.)
I totally feel your other problem. My FI was married right out of college, and to the same woman for 25 years. He has two kids who are 17 and 20. Their mom is not really a part of our lives, as when she left (5 years ago) she made it clear that she just didn't want the responsibility of caring for the kids in any way. And I know that he is completely indifferent to her at this point. But I also know that he really grieved when she left, and there are like a million pictures of her in photo albums in their linen closet (she didn't even take any pictures of the kids - go figure). It is really hard not to wonder sometimes how our life together stacks up to his life with her. He is really good at understanding this, and at making sure I know that in his mind, there is no comparison. This is just something that you are going to have to get over, in my opinion - or find yourself one that hasn't been married before. Otherwise it will drive you (and him) crazy.
i think that if there is a tendency for him to not follow through on things, i'd def. be worried.
BUT
if not, and he was sincere, and that was HIS idea of a grand romantic proposal, and you're not happy that it wasnt YOUR idea of a grand romantic proposal then it's a different in personalities and lack of communication.
To be perfectly honest, if you're that wrapped up in how he asked you and not the fact that he actually did ask you, then you shouldn't be marrying him (or anyone else). You should be thrilled that the man you "love" loves YOU so much that he couldn't wait to ask you. It shouldn't matter that he didn't set aside an entire weekend to spend with you. AFter all, he's planning to spend the rest of his life with you. You need to get over it.
"It shouldn't matter that he didn't set aside an entire weekend to spend with you. AFter all, he's planning to spend the rest of his life with you. You need to get over it."
I dunno. I love the fact that my fiance spent a lot of time planning something that he knew I'd like, that would make the moment distinct and special for us. I know that's not for everybody and might not be what matters in the end, but I think building up such a momentous thing like that and then not following through is a major bummer.
I get concerned about this:
I thought about his last engagement with the ex and I thought he planned more with her than me.
I know you said that you're over his first marriage. Coming from a stranger, I'm not sure how much this will mean to you, but honestly? It doesn't sound like you're over it.
I know nothing about your relationship, obviously -- but is everything else ok with it? Is the ghost of his ex still haunting your relationship? If she's not an issue, then you're not allowed to make her an issue. You're not in a competition with her -- and besides, if you were? You already won. You got the guy.
He asked. You said yes. You've got the basics down. If you want something grand and dramatic, you've got to plan it. That's what your wedding's for.
This is marriage #2 for my fiance and I. The best advice I can give is let it go! who cares what he did with the first wife. There's a reason he's not married to her anymore and is going to marry you. I think as women we live in lalala fairytale land sometimes. What matters is he's a good man, provider, faithful and loving. My fiance proposed to me the night of the NFL opener in September while I was deep in thought playing Suduko (he put the ring behind my book and the ring sat on my lap for about 10 minutes before I realized it was there) Once I felt the ring drop in my lap he started laughing and I was shocked. The funny thing is he never asked me to be his wife! I told him he had to ask me!!! I have to say the proposal was very us.
My one girlfriend got engaged to her now husband of 7 years and two kids later while they were broken up. She went over to his house against her better judgement knowing they would do the "nasty" so after he asked her what he could do to get her to stay and she said go upstairs and get my ring (he actually had bought the ring 2 years prior) and that was it. No knee, no romatic speech.
I guarantee most women do not receive an over the top romantic proposal so count yourself as lucky that he wants to share his life with you.
My FI has a story about a friend of his who actually gave his wife (yes, she married him) her ring while he was on the toilet. He says that he sort of panicked, they were late for dinner, he had meant to give it to her, and anyway she already knew he had it as they had picked it out together. But can you imagine, she is putting on her earrings and through the closed bathroom door comes "Honey (grunt, grunt) there's something (grunt, grunt) in the top drawer of the dresser for you." At least they were at a fancy resort. They have been married over 20 years and seem very happy. He is still a pretty misguided guy when it comes to romantic gestures, but he obviously loves her very much.
In response to rmojo1
"I know if I stay with him I have to get over it. The question is, can I stay with him if I am so upset about it? ....if it were right shouldn't I have a great feeling about it everytime I think of our proposal (THis sentence means regardless of how the proposal went, shouldn't I feel as though it was great anyway.)?"
I think I have already admitted that if I wanted to be with him I have to get over it.
As far as,"then you shouldn't be marrying him or anyone else" this blog was created for advice and help if you were to create a log in today to personally attack me, I think you have issues.
As far as everyone else, I thank you so much for advice and support, it really helps to know that I am not the only one goign through this, with the same feelings and that if I do decide to be with him there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I will get over things eventually and perhaps there are some underlying issues that has to be addressed b4 we decide to move on. I have nothing to hide and I have sent this blog to him, we both agree to everything that everyone else was said. I admit at times I am being irrational and he agrees at times he is not his best and he did work me up to high expectations. Before the blog was posted I have told him everything I have said in the blog and more... he even tried to redo it... the whole engagement. I don't doubt that he loves me, I think we have just some issues and it really helps hearing from everyone. Please if you have anymore positive comments, feedbacks please post... as far as negative comments are concerned try Craigslist.
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Hahaha suzanno that is a great story!!! Those are the type of engagement stories I like to hear.
WOW... i dont think anyone here has come to personally attack you - i think as a whole this is a great supportive community - some of us are just more blunt than others...myself included.
Grow some thick skin - life in general is sometimes not pretty and it's not attacking you - that's just how stuff happens... roll with it or you'll get rolled over...
i think you need to let go of the disappointment of the proposal... this will not be the first time he'll disappoint you - men and just men - they are not mindreaders, they are not the real-life version of romatic tales or chick-flick happy endings - they are not fabuloso all the time, they get on our nerves, but for whatever reason (the "it" factor) we love our men!
as for the ex-wife - honestly, i dont think your'e over the fact that he loved someone else enough to marry them also...
what you should understand is people "hook up", have affairs, get married, or are in each other's lives b/c at that space in time, those 2 people gave each other exactly what each needed and wanted.
Mr Shoes has been divorced for 5 years. before i started dating Mr. Shoes, i was in a 7 year relationship with my college BF -does it mean that i loved him any more or less than the former BF---no it doesnt. what matters is now and setting the foundation for a strong marriage.
instead of asking us what we think - ask yourself - only you know what your female intuition is telling you - we just respond to the little bit you put out there. stop asking "why is this happening to me??" it's happening to you b/c that's what is supposed to happen to you - do something with it - do some searching within your self for the answer so it's not longer "happening to you", kwim??
i'd do away with all the expectations of grandeur, fairy tale and "they lived happily ever after" b/c the reality is life is just life - we write the script!
Good luck!!
Shoes: You always say KWIM and I've been thinking, and thinking, and I cannot figure out what it means. :) Signed Acronym Confused in SD
KWIM - Know what I mean!
Took me a bit to figure it out.
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Luckie - I'm sorry that you don't feel very supported right now. I want to say, as someone who is marrying a guy with two kids who was with his ex-wife for 25 years - its easier to say "just get over it" than it is to do. And maybe you never quite completely get over it. I can tell that he is soooo over his ex-wife - he really doesn't give her a second thought. But he has had five years to get there - as of now I have only had two. Two years is definately long enough for me to know for sure that he wants to be with me - completely - and actually looks on all the crap he went through in his divorce as lucky for him, without it we would not be together. We live in a small town - and it used to bug the crap out of me when I would see her in Starbucks. (She's really, really friendly to me. Weird.) And sometimes it still annoys the heck out of me that there are a so many pictures of her in the photo albums, and even an occasional thing in the back of a closet that belonged to her. But in a strange way that is actually a sign of how little he thinks about her - that he hasn't obsessed enough to spend hours and hours eliminating every trace of her existance. (Took me a long time to come to that conclusion.) Just before the wedding he and his kids are moving into my house, and so in the cleaning that takes place before the packing, he puts together kitchen garbage bags of her stuff, and lets her know that she can pick them up by Friday or they go to the Goodwill on Saturday. His daughter has been going through the photo albums and picking out any pictures of her mom that aren't also pictures of the kids (so all pictures of just her or of her and him) and making them disappear somewhere. (She also took a few great landscape photos she had taken and photoshopped her mom out of them - LOL). This is all pretty satisfying to me.
You say that your FI was married for a short time, so hopefully there aren't years worth of reminders of his ex hanging around. But if you love him, I would try to give yourself time, and I think that you will get to the point where it doesn't bother you as much, and maybe to where it doesn't bother you at all. Its not going to happen overnight. And I would try to be up front with him about how you feel - without coming across as a crazy woman if you can (and its hard - I know). Its just human to be insecure sometimes, and if he knows how you feel he can help you get over it.
He's obviously a GREAT guy...and very understanding if he went through with a redo, and knows what you're talking about here (not many guys would put up with girls whinning and having these insecurities). It looks like he loves you darling, that to me is way better than a million wonderful proposal stories put together. Now, can you do yourself and him a favor and put yourself in his shoes? Had you been in his position, wouldn't you feel like crap to have the love of your life doubt you and your sincerity in your proposal? I'm not trying to stick up for him, but cut him some slack now that its over and done with. He made a mistake, don't punish him and yourself for the rest of your life! i didn't get the engagement I dreamt of..we just have too much imagination for our own good, but I got the greatest guy in the world asking me (I've been told that there's no pleasing a woman..and i'm beginnging to believe that's true)... He asked me after if I was surprised and if I liked what he did...I told him we can always make up a really really nice story to tell people...but in all honesty, I love our weird engagement story. =)
Although I think most of the responses in this thread were helpful and supportive, I also think telling somebody to "get over it" when they're distressed is easily interpreted as attacking. It minimizes the significance of their emotions and assumes you know the whole situation is one that can be snapped out of. I thought we already established that she wouldn't have expected some fairy tale proposal if he hadn't told her to expect one. To me, that's a jerky thing to do.
The most important thing is that they seem to have talked about it and if not resolved the situation, reached an understanding about what might need to change as far as their communication style goes. That sounds very healthy and like they're on the right path, so - good for them!
I think the fact that you are on here means that you feel guilty about your feelings, or that you are looking to others for redemption. Either way, the main problem is your own confidence. You doubt that your fiance will not be the husband you want him to be, because he is "sullied" by a previous marriage, so he won't be all fresh and eager and make things absolutely perfect for you. Or you are afraid that you don't love him enough to accept him.
There is something about marriage, weddings, proposals, rings - it brings out the princess in us. It is not attractive. You CANNOT control the past. There is nothing that he can do that will make the proposal story not exist. You must move on. You must stop being so selfish. You must build up your self-esteem. You don't need your fiance to affirm you. Don't be a princess.
Remember that you asked for advice. I am not trying to be cruel. I am stating what seems to be the most realistic explanation. You need some tough love.
Wow! Although, that is at least partly true. I think coming to terms with the idea of my FI's ex for me was a long process of figuring out that I really do deserve such a great guy, that its okay to trust him enough to make a big commitment, and that I really do deserve to be this happy so there's no reason to worry that it will all suddenly disappear.
But it is different being with someone who was married before as opposed to someone who just dated around. What is hard to understand is that his past relationship actually has nothing to do with you. He has a past (so do you, probably, just not one that involves marriage.) He has screwed some things up (his previous marriage, his proposal to you). He will probably continue to do so - don't we all. Life is not all kittens and butterflies and rainbows - it gets ugly and messy and emotional sometimes. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
The process of getting to where you feel okay about his past and your relationship probably is a process. If you really love him it is worth giving it a chance. But I would not expect that you can just decide to be over it. You can try to remember to think about the parts of the relationship that you feel good about, rather than past stuff that you feel bad about. And if you think that you really have to have a guy who hasn't been married before, you should probably give the ring back. But you may be missing out on a really great thing. Don't you have any girlfriends who are divorced? Would you think that they are somehow not a prize because of it? Or do you think that the right guy would be really lucky to have them?
Luckie, being a divorced woman and getting married for the 2nd time to a fiance who was previously married with a daughter. I perceive my first mariage as the practice marriage. I left it a much smarter, more confident, better person. It was a 4 year learning experience. You have to realize that your fiance is going into your marriage with his eyes wide open and will be trying to avoid any mistakes he feels he made in the past. Anyone that has gone through a divorce can tell you that when you decide to take that plunge again you make sure it's the right person and that you are getting married for the right reasons and you also let go of the fairytale of marriage because your eyes are already open to the reality of marriage. Your fiance has seen the both sides of marriage which is the good and the really bad. The simple fact that he has enough faith in love and you to want to be married again is probably as romantic as it gets.
Let go of the fantasy and open your eyes to reality. And start enjoying being a bride!!!!!!!!
Thats funny that you wrote this because I had a similiar experience. My fiance got too excited and proposed the day before he planned. I got to his house around 11:00 at night and he asked me as soon as I got there. Well he didnt actually ask, he kind of just knelt on the ground staring at me with the ring, but anyway, after he 'asked' he didnt have anything planned, no wine, no drinks, nothing. Then about 20 minutes later his roomate at the time stormed into the apartment extremely drunk and was yelling and then ran into the bathroom to throw up, and then passed out on the floor. I was so upset that he didnt plan anything, that I cried. I was also embarassed when I had to tell the story over and over again, because the first question everyone asks is 'how did he do it'. But the next night he had something special planned and the more I thought about it the sweeter I thought it was that he just couldnt wait and was so nervous that he couldn't speak. your relationship is alot more than the proposal and the engagement, its the rest of your life that really counts!! If you were happy before the engagement then I would say that the proposal doesn't matter. But I do understand the let down of your one and inly propoal being something far from what you have always imagined!!
I've read a couple other posts about disappointing proposals and it seems like the general consensus is that the proposal doesn't make or break the marriage.
I think probably the fact that you're still thinking about your fiance's last marriage is more likely to cause problems in your relationship. But I also know that those things take time to work through. My fiance was engaged to a friend of mine for about six months and it took me quite a while to work through that (there are still a ton of photos lurking on the internet of the two of them, including pictures and even a video of their proposal -- not from him because he deleted all his, but on friend's pages) and it did cause problems early on in our relationship because I had a lot of fears that our relationship was going to end up exactly like theirs. It took a lot of talking to him and him reassuring me that he's learned from his mistakes from that relationship and him telling me how things are different with me. But the more time passes, the less it bothers me, so I hope it will be the same for you :-).
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Someone please help and give me some advice.
I have always dreamt about an engagement with Mr. Right since I was a little girl. Well, Mr. Right finally came, however, with baggage. He was married before and I thought I can overlooked some things but I couldn't, at least not about his wedding and marriage in the past. Though it's a bad marriage and it only lasted a course of less than a year and it was before me, I do always wonder about it and how much he truly loves me. Some guys wanted to marry me in the past, but I said no to them bc I wanted to wait. Now this great guy comes along... first, it bothers me that he didn't wait for me. Ok, maybe my demands are all a fairy tale I dreamt up when I was little, so get over it right!? Well I have.
The problem: He worked me up to a very nice engagement...he told me that he had something great planned when he does ask me. He tells me over and over he knows that that's all girls talk about so he has something great under his sleeve. He knows my position in that it is important to me for a nice proposal than a huge rock.
What actually happened: he asked me the same day he had gotten the ring. He took the day off bc he was doing construction in his condo. He didn't planned anything. He asked me while we were getting ready to go to bed while his entire condo was a mess from the construction. He didn't seem like he was emotional when he had asked. He didn't think to spend the entire weekend with me bc he had to finish the construction the next day. I cried. He worked me up and he didn't give me a proposal that only had me in mind, making me feel special. I thought about his last engagement with the ex and I thought he planned more with her than me. HE told me it's bc he was excited about giving me a ring and he thought that nothing else mattered. I thought nothing else...not even how I felt about an engagement? For most ppl this only happens once in their lifetime or at most once in the relationship.
It's been six months since hs proposal...I still am very upset over it. I don't have doubts about being iwth him but I am upset that he didn't make an effort to make me feel special at all. He is asking me to be his wife and shouldn't he make an effort to make me feel great about it?..and not make me feel that I should bc he spent money on a ring? I know if I stay with him I have to get over it. The question is, can I stay with him if I am so upset about it? I even begin to question our relationship bc the proposal is wrong...if it were right shouldn't I have a great feeling about it everytime I think of our proposal? Give me some tips, advice etc.? Please!!!