- 6 years ago
I just wanted to update our situation for those of you who had gave me advice and helped me through what I thought to be a difficult time then and perhaps this message would help others in the same situation.
My thoughts almost 5 years later:
Thinking back I don’t believe the proposal was bothering me as much as the underlying issues. I think I was afraid that he loved himself too much becuase I thought his proposal was a mere convenience for him and no thoughts were given to me. At that moment I knew I should have gotten over his first marriage but it still lingered. I think for the most part, I was afraid that he did not love me as much as he did her or he didn’t learn from his past relationship to be more selfless. I felt it was my first wedding/marriage/proposal and since it was his second, he didn’t really consider how special it would have been for me. He felt really bad about his proposal, tried to redo (which he did) and promise that he would do something great at our wedding. Well our wedding came and he got so drunk with my brother at our wedding he ran away when it was time to cut the cake…lol. (the “great” thing he promised never happened but I got over it because I can accept him for all of him including his flaws).
It was a long and hard road (there were some big Mother-In-Law issues as well) but I did get over it because the things he has done for me and us has given me more confidence in our relationship. We’re both happy and I feel as though I am his first, only and last, not his second wife. We now have a beautiful son together and I can’t imagine being with anyone else and being without our son. My advice to all in “his second marriage, my first” situations: give it time, talk to your DH/FI about how you feel and when you feel it; if he is right, he’ll understand.
When people ask me how he proposed, I tell them how he had asked me the first time. I never tell people the redo proposal becuase the thought that he would redo the proposal was nice but it wasn’t as special as the first time he had asked. 🙂