Post # 1
FIs great uncle, who he hasn’t seen in at least 6 or 7 years, called last night to confirm his pleasantly surprising plans to come to the wedding. we are excited as we pretty much though none of his extended family would come. he has two adult daughters who were also invited. he mentions that 3 of them are flying but that 2nd daughter is going to take a bus with her boyfriend. we didn’t know about a boyfriend and still don’t know anything about him other than that he apparently is willing to take a 13 hour bus ride with FL’s cousin to get here. FI wrote cousin for confirmation and she said that he is attending, hope that’s okay. they are international and haven’t received the actual invite yet.
so we’re not sure what to do. we did the engaged/living together/dating more than a year plan. no one has been given a random “and guest.” we are scared of the “slippery slope” of allowing random boyfriends. but since she is travelling far and is family, that we should allow. and its possible they’ve been together 3 years and he would have been included had we known about him. and since its likely that few of FI’s relatives will show, we don’t want the ones who are there to be mad. i guess this is why you really should keep in touch with all your relatives….
i just really really REALLY don’t want a bunch of random boyfriends who will be ex-boyfriends a few weeks after the wedding. plus i already have said no or “wait and see until we have some numbers in” to some locals who have new-ish boyfriends and i don’t want to be inconsistent. of course it bugs me that they made the assumption that he could come, but that is neither here nor there.
what would you do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I think I would allow him to come, just because they are traveling from so incredibly far away! It’s not likely that the people you have said no to are going to KNOW that he wasn’t originally invited, so they won’t be offended by it!
Post # 4
I think if you have room, you should let him come. You and Fiance are the only ones who will know that he was a surprise RSVP, none of your guests will know unless you tell them. We followed the same rules as you guys about guests, no plus one unless that couple was in a serious relationship/engaged/living together type thing. HOWEVER for guests coming from long distances and international, I gave them a plus one. I didn’t want them to have to travel alone, and chances are they wouldn’t know anyone else at the wedding. I think the rules can be flexible here if you have room to accomodate him. Plus I agree, it’s sweet this guy is willing to travel 13 hours by bus with his Girlfriend for your wedding.
Post # 5
I think you answered your own question – distant or not, she’s family and her boyfriend is willing to travel 13 hours on a bus with her to come to the wedding. Regardless of how long they have been together (or not) bus trips are not what I would call ‘fun’ and having him come along may be for company, to make her feel more safe (is she well traveled? ever been far from home?) or may be a total faux-pas. Since you don’t know for sure, I’d err on the side of family first and not say anything.
Post # 6
I’d continue to let him come. Like you said, she’d family and they’re travelling really far. I don’t think it starts any kind of a slippery slope because who else is going to know he wasn’t invited in the first place. And, like you said, he very well may not be a random, new-ish boyfriend and would have been included form the beginning anyway.
Post # 7
Since you are inviting people who have been dating a year, you should probably let this guest bring her boyfriend. It’s a difficult “rule” to enforce (do you call up your guests and ask about their relationship status and their anniversary of their first date?).
Post # 8
I think you should let him come. Nobody likes attending a wedding by themselves, and so I think everyone should have an “and guest”. Plus, as is mentioned above, it’s not for you to judge the seriousness of others’ relationships. It could be weird a few years from now if they get married and you excluded him.
Post # 9
we’re allowing our travelers to bring a guest if they like, but not everyone is getting a plus one, like my family in friends because they are local and will know plenty of people at the wedding. many have already expressed that they aren’t planning on bringing a date/would rather not. i think this one exception will be fine.
Post # 10
If the 2nd daughter has to take a bus she probably needs someone to go with her on that long bus ride. Maybe even if they havnt dated 1 + year you can make an exception for her. No one will know how long they have been dating. But you could always call her and ask her/ tell her about the 1 + year rule.
Post # 11
I agree with allowing them to come. For two reasons- they are not living in the same place as the wedding so they probably don’t want to have to travel alone and secondly they are family.
I think it’s fine to say no +1 to friends that live in the area but when people are family and/or are traveling it is considerate to allow them to bring a date.
Post # 12
If anyone asks, tell them you thought he was a fiance.
Post # 13
i think people are very rude to just invite someone even if they are coming interstate. It’s etiquette to at least ask the bride and not just assume its ok.
If they asked, I’d probably say ok, but given they didn’t bother..It’s fine to call them and say due to financial reasons, unfortauntely you can’t have extras.
At my wedding, I deeply regret inviting some of my friends boyfriends as many broke up within a few months after our wedding and I would’ve preferred to have other people who mean more to me there.