Post # 1
Really tired of people assuming they are giving speeches.
There is no bridal party but we do have a Best Man and as far as I wanted – that was the only speech I wanted.
Now we have another friend of the FI’s assuming he is making a speech, both sets of parents, an uncle and one of my friends.
Does this happen to everyone?
Post # 3
@skippydarling: We actually decided to for-go speeches except for FI grandfather who will give us an Irish Blessing (Very Irish family). We’ve told everyone that if youd like to say something, please do it at the rehersal, not the wedding…weddings tend to drag on and on when there are speeches.
Post # 4
LOL I once told my brother that there will be no speeches, no singing (which is not that uncommon in Asian weddings), and no games at my wedding. He said my guests will be bored so I thought about it for a second and I said we can have a video or a slideshow and he said, “Your wedding is going to be a business meeting?!”
Post # 5
That sounds like way too many people talking! In my view, a short welcome from the host(s) and a couple brief but heartfelt toasts are lovely and about all any guest wants to sit through. If you like, perhaps you could invite a couple of them to give a short toast at the rehearsal/welcome dinner if you’re having one? Otherwise, it sounds like you and your fiance will need to speak with them individually to kindly explain that you appreciate the gesture but unfortunately you don’t have room in the program for them to speak. Your guests will revolt if you have 5 or 6 toasts!
Post # 6
I went to a wedding that had nearly 14 toasts. It was very irritating from guest point of view. It was really boring. So when people started to say that they wanted to do toasts at ours, we said “Toasts have not been a favorite of ours as guests at weddings, so we won’t be doing them.” But some people assumed that they were going to get to do one.
Post # 7
@skippydarling: my mom is hosting so she gives the welcome speech. then i told Best Man and MOH that they will also give speeches and that is it.
all wedding party and anyone else who wants to speak, can speak at the RD (this includes my brother)
my mom told me my brother had to give one at the wedding too. i asked her if this was something my brother wanted to do or she wanted him to do. it is all her.
i told her she could include him in her welcome speech, but he is limited to 30 seconds. i’m sure he won’t have much to say anyway.
if you are only allowing a father and Best man to speak, tell your DJ or band and they will monitor this.
Post # 8
@skippydarling: Just last friday I attended a wedding where all three bridesmaids, the bride, the groom, two groomsmen and the respective parents all gave a speech… it was like an hour and a half of sheer hell.
Post # 9
@skippydarling: yes. i told my mom that my dad needs to prepare a TOAST. she said “oh..well i don’t get to make a speech?” no ma’am… proper etiquette dictates that mom can give a toast at the rehearsal dinner. she’s sad about it, but i know i have to stand firm on this until the day of…
and even still, i have to correct people and say “you’re making a toast, not a speech.” my mom is…far more emotional than me and it makes me a bit uncomfortable when she tries to do a fake ugly cry and talk about me as a baby, then me as a teenager, and how hard she and dad worked to raise me… just things that are not appropriate for the wedding.
it’s not a “this is your life” party. it’s a wedding.
our “speech list” –
Matron of Honor – 5 minutes
Best Lady – 5 minutes
Dad (with Mom by his side) – 5 minutes
Post # 10
@TaurianDoll: +1. That makes me uncomfortable too. Not that my mom fake ugly cries, but the telling of life stories etc.
Post # 11
@lina010: there’s a little voice inside of me that says “okaaay where is this going? where is this STORY GOING?!?”
i try and try to promise myself that i will not embarass my kids but i probably will.
Post # 12
My sister and a few friends mentioned that they wanted to make speeches/toasts. I decided to open the floor to anyone who wanted to speak during the rehearsal dinner & only had the two fathers speak at the wedding (and of course, the thank you from DH and I).
Post # 13
My brother blessed the food, and our best man, matron of honor, and my dad are the only ones that gave toasts. (And my husband said a few words). Are you having a DJ? If so, give him/her a list of exactly who is allowed to talk. Ours said “now the best man will say a few words” or something like that. And then move on to something else (we did our first dance next. At the rehearsal dinner, anyone could speak. We’re also having a reception this weekend in his hometown and will be having an open-mic. I’m really not looking forward to that. (There’s 225 people attending)
Post # 14
Thank you to all you Bees who are commenting on this thread! I had no idea how this was going to work at our wedding, and thankfully you’ve given me a few ideas on how to handle this! I’ll get a list of people who insist on saying something (which is probably going to be like 20 people), narrow it down and hand it to the DJ so he can ensure no one else gets to blubber into the mic on the night.
I went to a 50th last night, and like 10 people made a speech, some at a couple minutes, some at close to 7 minutes each. It’s not necessary anywhere, the guests get bored.
Post # 15
@skippydarling: It always amuses me when people try to invite themselves to give a speech, because so many people hate public speaking. My dad volunteered to give one but he was crapping himself for months beforehand with nerves.
If you have a good DJ who is also acting as the master of ceremonies, they should take care of all of this for you! My DJ had a list of the three people who were to give speeches and announced them by name, then handed them the microphone. Once those three were done, the microphone was put away and it was very clear that nobody was to get up and snatch it to do an impromptu speech. He was an absolute lifesaver with how well he coordinated it all.
Post # 16
@TaurianDoll: Yes! I went to one wedding where the bride’s father thought it was This is Your Life and basically described every moment he’d ever shared with his daughter from birth to age 26. There was nothing about the groom or them as a couple, their marriage, hopes for the future, etc. It would have been appropriate for a 21st birthday or even as a eulogy but SO wrong for a wedding. Everyone looked really bored.
My dad told one story about me as a kid but the rest of his (fairly short) speech was about DH and I, and marriage in general.