Post # 1
Maybe this belongs in financial boards but I’m so ticked and stressed out now it’s not even funny.
5 months ago we picked a date and agreed we’d have a “small” wedding of 30-40 guests. So I wrote out a budget plan since WE are the ones paying for it. I stay at home with three kids, he works as a CPA.
So I gave about 600 for my dress and alterations, shoes, accessories. 200 for his tux and shoes ect. 300 for a photographer, the site was free, reception is 475, and other small things like our marriage licence and invitations ehich the invites were 80 bucks in total.
He didn’t even consider my budget list and freaked out that it was all way too expensive! I told him we needed to save up and put money aside. He replied that the wedding is not until September so we can do that closer to time. So I bought my dress thinking he was going to wear a tux. It’s a formal Oleg Cassini CT258, had to be altered and I spent about 500 on alterations! So through the weeks, every time I wanted to put money aside he’d say we don’t have it… Then he’d buy xbox games, order pizza, and do little frivalous things that added up! THEN he took us on a vacation that costed 700 and depleted our funds. But here’s the funny part, He told me he thought we’d be okay and we will be able to pay for stuff.
So NOW he’s wearing an older pinstripe BUSINESS SUIT from his closet and a tie, (oh great we’re gonna match just PERFECT! NOT!) and telling me we can’t afford our reception, we may not HAVE a reception at all we may just go to our location, have a 20 min ceremony and stand around for 2 hours. Oh how nice! He’s gonna have to miss a truck payment to pay for it he says, we have to have a friend use our camera to take our “proffesional” pictures! Our wedding is in three weeks and we hadn’t put back a dime for it because he …well I don’t really know why! He is telling me “We can’t budget anything if we have no money to budget”… well DUH, that’s why you needed to start putting our extra cash into savings and SAVE UP for our wedding this past 5-6 months! I feel sick. I feel angry, and I am trying to contemplate why I am the third wife, perhaps I should ask the first two if they had money and budgeting problems. Perhaps this wedding he didn’t want in the first place.
Post # 3
I personally would not marry this guy.
You’re right. There probably is a reason the other two wives left. And is he paying alimony? Child support? When you are married, those things come out of your shared funds as well.
Obviously, his own wants and needs are more important to him than your future together. Sorry to be so harsh, but I would not marry a guy that financially irresponsible.
Post # 4
What did you ever do about your dress? I remember you weren’t going to have the funds to have it altered again and were really worried about that…
Post # 5
If you are sure you want to marry him technically all you need to get married is a license and a justice of the peace. You could head down to city hall and do it for less than $100 (probably). It may not be the WEDDING you want, but at least you’d be married (the most important thing that comes out of the wedding).
Post # 6
When I read your other post, you said that you got your dress for $750 and in this post you said that you spent $500 on alterations. So, that means you spent $1250 total on your dress. It looks like all your other expenses total up to about $1000. That means that you spent more on your dress than your entire wedding combined. If I was your fiance I’d be a little annoyed about that!
I don’t want to be mean but it looks like both of you need to be more financially responsible and that paying for the wedding is the least of your worries!
Post # 7
That stinks.. him being a CPA you would think he would be REALLY good at doing budgets..
It sounds like the real problem is that the 2 of you have completely different visions. I don’t understand how you can pull it all together in 3 weeks unless you guys get together and make decisions!
Post # 8
Oh honey. I am so sorry. I remember reading your other post about this.
I would definitely think twice about why you are the 3rd wife. Is he the one that handles the money? Maybe you should try handling the financials. You need to have a long hard talk with him about your future together if you are having this kind of financial disagreements. Finances is supposedly one of the leading causes of divorce. Your marriage is 50/50 and with that you have to be able to have a say in your finances – whether it is saving or spending.
I take care of our finances and sometimes FI doesn’t know what we can do, but I do. So, if he starts to go a little overboard with something, I have to tell him NO we can’t do that.
I’m sorry and I hope it works out for you.
Post # 9
about the dress..
yes it was waay too expensive and I’m still feeling sick for that. If you remember, I bought it and put it on layaway and it fit me perfect. My fiance talked me into paying for the rest of it when I was going to call and tell them I cannot afford it. At that time he was going to rent a tux and he told me we HAD the finances it was OK….So when I went down to Davids Bridal, I payed it off, tried it on and it fell off of me. They told me I had to get it altered there, and charged me big to do it, then it had to be hemmed. I ended up spending way too much and have been trying to sell it. I really did feel like our lack of finances was my dress’ fault, but after my post he told me we would be fine and he has been telling me to keep the dress.
I guess we both messed up. At least my splurge was wedding related…
Post # 10
Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you two are ready to get married if you can’t communicate about the finances, among other things. You need to sit down and have a good talk with him about everything. What was the situation with the other 2 wives? Do you really want to marry someone irresponsible?
I really hope that you can get it all figured out. Good luck.
Post # 11
I agree with His Barista, if things are so crazy right now with finances what makes you think it will be better down the road. I think either you need to reconsider all together or push the date back. Have you attended any pre-wedding counseling at all with a minister or anything? This is exactly the kind of topic that would have been addressed since financial matters can be such a stressor for many relationships.
Post # 12
Um… he’s a CPA? Are you sure?
Post # 13
Why is “he’ the one responsible for all the finances? You make it sound like you have no say in how he spent his money in the past. Why didn’t you tell him no regarding any of it?
He doesn’t sound responsible AT ALL. Go with your gut about the 3rd wife thing. Maybe the first two wives really did have some serious money issues with him. He just sounds irresponsible.
The dress thing sucks. But things happen.
Put off the wedding, honestly. Get a finance plan together. See somebody that will help you figure out how to budget for the future. Shoot, what are you going to do when one of your kids needs something or his truck breaks down? Budgeting for $2,000 on ANY salary shouldn’t be so hard. He needs to learn to be fiscally responsible and you need to hold him to it. it’s a two-man job when you’re a family. just b/c you “think” you’ll be ok money-wise doesn’t mean jack unless you balance your hceckbooks and budget and save!
Post # 14
You and your fiance shouodl have a set plan for finances. You also need to work on communication. It sounds as if both ofyou have different ideas of what kind of wedding you want, and how much it should cost. I suggest you sit down, figure out your daily expenses, including incedentals, and figure out what you can afford. Remember it’s his wedding too, if he wants to marry you he shoudl be willing to work with you, but you may have to give in some of things you want to make it work too.
I hope it works out, but if you can’t come to an agreement sooner rather than later then you may want to put the wedding on hold and reschedule it.
Post # 15
I read this post about 2 hours ago and have been thinking about it since. I’m sorry if I’m prying or sound rude… but didn’t you say that you are a stay at home mom? Why can’t you get a job babysitting or something to make some extra cash to make ends meet. Are these his kids? If not he maybe feeling like it is his money to do what he wants with it. Not that that is right if you guys have this agreement with you stay home and he works. But sometimes we can lose sight of the team concept and your money is our money idea. But I was just thinking that this could be part of the problem.
I hope that makes sense and I didn’t hurt your feelings 🙂
Post # 16
My gut says don’t get married. It’s not romantic, but finances and being on the same page regarding them are extremely important when it comes to relationships. If the two of you cannot agree on finances it will erode the foundation of your relationship. The two of you need time to sort this out before the wedding.