Ours, or Yours, Mine, and Ours? The great debate…

posted 3 years ago in Money
  • poll: Which are you?
    OUR Money : (88 votes)
    48 %
    Yours, Mine, and Ours : (83 votes)
    46 %
    Other (explain) : (4 votes)
    2 %
    We don't use money; we barter using Chuck E. Cheese coins. : (7 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1111 posts
    Bumble bee

    We are definitely in the Yours, Mine, and Ours camp. My FI and I are in a LDR currently, but we both strongly believing in both chipping in together to cover rent and general expenses, but whatever is left over is to do with what that person wants. 

    Once all living expenses are covered, who am I to say what he does with the money that he earns? Unless if a purchase affected how much expenses we currently pay or tacked on extra responsibility for the both of us, then it’s his money, and if he wants to go out and buy himself something fun then that’s his perogative. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    3259 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @MrsHalpert: We have a joint account for groceries and other regular household expenses, as well as a joint savings account that is accruing interest. Like you, we each have individual accounts that contain some money of our own for “fun” stuff. With that said, we do let each other know when we are making large purchases, even if they are from our own accounts, and we are each aware of about how much the other person has in their individual account. This isn’t to “keep tabs” on each other, but rather to be aware in case we have to dip into those accounts if we have some sort of emergency. Neither of us has ever told the other one not to buy something with our individual accounts, minus the complete junker car my husband wanted to buy at one point to “fix up.” Being that he doesn’t have any car knowledge, I did tell him he shouldn’t buy that one. 😉 LOL

    Post # 5
    Member
    7271 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    We still have separate accounts, but we think of everything being both of our money.

    Post # 6
    Member
    6510 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We have all joint accounts and think of it all as our money. Even if we had separate accounts I would consider it all to be our money.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7098 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Ours is all joint. If we’re making a purchase over maybe $200 we’ll consult the other person, but it’s never been an issue.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4413 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We pool the money, but then each get to keep the same amount at the end of the month once all the bills/savings are accounted for. I LOVE having yours-mine-ours. It means I can eat Chipotle or get a pedicure or buy cute baby outfits that we 100% definitely do not need, and DH can’t say a word. Similarly, I am not the least bit bothered by his rather expensive beer brewing hobby, because he only spends HIS money on it so it affects me not at all!

    Post # 9
    Member
    6028 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We have a joint account. We don’t have separate accounts for “ourselves”. However, we have a spending limit of $100 where anything before 100 we don’t have to “ask” the other to buy something. Anything over 100, we have to “ask”. I put ask in quotes because we don’t really deny each other those purchases over $100 but we do make sure the other is aware of such a purchase.

    There are other things that we view as “mine” or “his” but technically everything is “ours” because the payments come out of our joint account. For example, he has a Mustang that we refer to as “his car” but the payments come out of our account. We refer to the new 4Runner (pick her up tomorrow yay!) as “mine” because I will be the one driving it everyday and we bought it for me. But the payments come out of our joint account. Make sense?

    Post # 10
    Member
    1235 posts
    Bumble bee

    We’ll have shared accounts when we get married. But I think everyone has a different way of handling money, and whatever works for you personally is best!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2134 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Right now, we have separate accounts (as well as a joint savings account), but once we get married, we’ll definitely be in the “Our Money” camp. It’s just the way I’ve always seen it done (my parents, his parents) and it seems a lot simpler.

    Post # 12
    Member
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @MrsHalpert:  right now we’re mostly ‘yours / mine’  but once we get married we will add the ‘ours’ component.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2720 posts
    Sugar bee

    We have a joint checking, joint savings, and a few joint credit cards. We each have a individual checking account each for our “fun money.” Money is automatically deposited into these accounts every week. It’s working so far. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @MrsHalpert:  we are exactly like you, but we aren’t married yet. We plan on staying as we are for the near future, but things will likely change when we start having kids (especially if I SAH). 

    Pits nice to have your own money that you don’t need approval to spend, but if I stop working (or take unpaid maternity time) that wouldn’t be fair to say that I don’t get any fun money because I’m not working. 

    All savings is separate until the wedding and will all be joint after the wedding. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    9533 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We are currently on an “our money” system but will switch to a “yours, mine and ours” system if it is ever necessary. Currently we both feel like we can get what we want for ourselves (which isn’t much) without flack from the other or feeling guilty. So it’s just easier to not separate. But if he were to start feeling resentful of me getting lunch at work, or I started resenting his gym membership, or something like that, we’d switch. We do separate our joint checking accounts into “essentials” and “fun” and we split our savings into “regular savings” and “travel”.

    Post # 16
    Member
    6073 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @MrsHalpert:  So I was married twice now.  My first married we kept it all separate.  The man would have brought me down financially so I did not want to be tied to him credit wise.  I had to give him a monetary allowance or else he’d buy $500 in fun stuff.  Definitely a mine and yours thing.  There was no ours.

     

    I am married now and we everything is OURS.  Of course retirement accounts are listed individually, but it will be ours to use at retirement.  We don’t get monthly fun money, we just spend what we want honestly.  We do a good job of keeping ourselves in check.  Both of us are pretty modest and frugal at heart.  If it’s a huge purchase (over $500) then we give each other a heads up first, but there really is no asking permission. 

    H and I each brought a car into the marriage.  I still have been saying “your car” and he corrected and said, “Honey it’s our car, you can use it too!”  So now I have to call them by brand LOL

     

    Having done it both ways, I can definitely see that a greater good can be accomplished when you share money, work towards common goals and talk about things together.  However, that works if you’re on the same page or even same chapter!  If you’re on different books, then it’s going to be very hard (like my first marriage).

     

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