(Closed) out-numbered partners

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am of the mind that the past is the past – it’s how he acts now that matters. When you struggle with this, think about the fact that he is committed to you now, and how lucky you are to have him. Clearly he sees you as the best choice, because you’re together now. 

Post # 4
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree, let bygones be bygones. I hope for you sanity, you can realise that he is yours now and no one else will ever be intimate with him if you get married.

Maybe this will be hard for you to understand, but I want my FI to have had other partners. I want him to feel like he has experienced all he wanted before he gets to me and now it is out of his system and he never has to wonder..what wlse he might be missing out on. I feel secure in the knowledge that I am not the only one!

Post # 5
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think it’s just something you need to accept as part of his past and move on.  My boyfriend and I were each other’s first loves, and I was even his first kiss.  During our first two years in high school, though, we never slept together.  Instead, we eventually broke up for five years, and during that time, we both dated other people and slept with others.  Now that we know we’re going to spend eternity together and that we both regret giving our virginity to someone who didn’t truly deserve it, we really wish we had either waited or maybe just done it back in the day.  Knowing that your FH has shared himself with others when you both agree together that you really deserved to be first can be really painful, and it’s likely always going to be a sore spot.  However, you just have to accept that this is something no one can change, forgive him (and, in my case, myself), and move on.  He probably really does regret those other two.  It’s time to decide to love him no matter what his history.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow you sound just like us! My husband slept with two women before me in high school (um, 3 or 4 years before he met me!) and  he’s the only one I’ve been with.

honestly, i think i have thought about his exes….twice maybe in our whole relationship?!?!?! At first, when i was 19, i was jealous and he just told me, “hey i was an ass and i just wanted to get in their pants. I was a selfish boyfriend” and that seemed to settle it. apparently he was a big jerko in high school….and i havent’ even given it a thought since. It’s in the past and it’s not who he is anymore. You learn from experiences and that’s a good thing. But if you have expectations of him he cannot realistically meet (he didn’t wait for you), I’m not sure what to tell you. if you aren’t ok dating a man who isn’t a virgin (how long are you together?) then, you kinda missed that boat =]. If you love him and he loves you, you just have to give it some time and move on. Everybody has “what ifs”. I know there are things i’m done i’m embarassed of, that my husband knows of. And it would be really hurtful if he dragged those things up a lot. Who i was at 16 isn’t who i am today, but it certainly molded me. I’m sure it molded him…does it help if it made him more perfect for you? haha, it’s quite possibly true =]

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