Post # 1
This question was asked in another thread, where it would be off topic to pursue the discussion. But it is interesting. We get so many threads on this board about “What etiquette are you throwing out” and so many answers along the line of “Who cares what a bunch of uptight etiquette experts say”. But the fact of the matter is, this *is* an etiquette board. People come here because they do care about etiquette somehow — even if their only care is to make sure it is stamped out.
I’m interested in etiquette because I have enough experience as a social hostess in different circumstances to see how it really works to make social occasions more pleasant.
I’m also interested in etiquette because a lot of what I see labelled as etiquette frankly … isn’t. I was raised in a milieu (which may sound like science fiction/fantasy to some of you) where people dressed for dinner and sent little hand-written notes, and even at nursery-suppers the nanny made sure that my brother sat to her right and that my sister and I were served — ladies first — before he was. Debretts sat in the china cabinet for frequent reference so my mother could check whether the visiting younger son of a Dutch count outranked the serving British consul. I learned the logic of etiquette at the same time I learned English — and the Wedding Industry version of etiquette makes me feel like Alice in Wonderland. I’d like to think that helping people glimpse the “real thing” might swing the balance back from artificiality and materialism to a little basic graciousness.
That’s the bottom line: I am interested in Etiquette because I would like my grand-nephews and nieces (great-grand-nephews and great-grand-nieces, now) to grow up in a world where graciousness and moral values flourish.
Post # 3
i never had a reason to be interested before wedding planning. like i never hosted fancy parties or attended upper class social events. so all these etiquette rules i have learned through my wedding planning was completely new to me!
but i have an interest now simply because of my wedding! i want my wedding to be perfect and if following these rules leaves people with a good impression, then I will do it.
please don’t take this to mean that i was a rude and inconsiderate person before. i just never followed a formal etiquette system because i didn’t know about it. i can tell you that i always try to make my guests comfortable when i have them in my home by having food and drinks, when i am invited to someone’s home i never show up empty handed. etc. things like that are more common sense and basic social skills to me than etiquette.
Post # 4
I like to read etiquette because I am the girl amongst my friends whose problems never matter until my friends actually have a problem. So I guess I like to know what basic etiquette dictates so when they come crying to me, I can give them a reasonable answer. LOL, yes, I know, my friends sound iffy, but thats not the point of this thread. 🙂
Post # 5
@aspasia475: I have an interest in it because I hate bad etiquette! It erks me to extreme.
Post # 7
I’m interested in etiquette because to my mind, etiquette means making your guests comfortable. Does that mean I will be horribly offended if someone uses the wrong fork? No. In the first place, it would be rude to point out a guest’s shortcomings in any event. And second, my duty as host if I noticed such a thing would be just to make sure that if s/he was going to need that fork later, s/he got another one of that size/type.
Post # 8
i adore proper etiquette. i was raised with it as well – you dress for dinner, you use proper english, no slang and very little contractions, how to eat at a formal dinner without looking like an idiot. my mom taught the daughters (three of us) how to wear formal dresses, walk in heels, dance, write hand written notes, respond to party invitations with a note (rather than on facebook)how to dress for brunch, always knowing what to wear for every event, etc. we took music lessons, dance, and at least two languages (i speak french and poor spanish). we also were very focused on education as well as all the girly stuff.
I love the flourish of it and will raise our kids with the same values and formality. we also had a great balance of formality and personal time – some families who are very formal are also very impersonal, and my family was not like that at all. it was the perfect balance.
Post # 9
I agree! and just posted about this before seeing yours. I dont care about all that at all! People coming to our wedding know we care about them, so if i have someone saying ‘oh no! no cutting the cake?’ or something, thats their problem.