(Closed) Out of line?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Awwww ya I totally think they should have asked (or at least TOLD) you about your dad walking her down the asile….I mean…he’s YOUR dad.   Don’t get me wrong I totally understand that her dad passed away and of COURSE it’d be nice if your dad walked her down the asile….but ummmmmm TOTALLY should have asked YOU.   I’m SOOO sorry that this happened to me….if it had happened to ME I’d be PISSED!!!  It kind of sounded like your dad was hiding it from you though??  I think you should talk to your dad about it and really tell him how you feel.  What’s done is done but I think they both kind of owe it to you to explain and perhaps even apologize for not telling you about it.

Post # 4
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

((Hugs))…first off, you’re feelings can never be unreasonable, only the way you respond to them.  But in this case I think that many people would be hurt by what happened.  Especially b/c it sounds like your dad was trying to keep the fact that he was walking her down the aisle from you.  That’s the part that would really hurt me anyway.  Can you just outright tell your dad this?  That you’re hurt b/c he walked someone else down the aisle before you, and that you’re also hurt b/c he kept it from you.  For all you know, though, he didn’t plan on that and it happened at the last minute.  I don’t know enough about your dad’s relationship with your cousin, or family dynamics in general, so I can only speculate.  And are you sure that your cousin got married earlier just to spite you?  It seems like a pretty petty reason to make such a big life decision.  Perhaps there are more factors at play here.  It sounds like you are close enough to your dad that you can just talk to him about this.  I’m sure his primary reason for whatever he did was not to hurt your feelings.

Post # 5
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Maybe your dad didn’t mention it because he was afraid you would get upset and he just didn’t want to have an argument about it? It’s too bad everything happened the way it did, but the fact that your dad walked someone down the aisle first definitely doesn’t make his walk with you any less special!

Post # 6
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’d forget about it.  As someone who has no father or grandfather to walk her down the aisle, it sounds self centered to say I want to be the only one he walks down the aisle. Does it really matter?  Sounds like he was doing something nice for someone. He is still going to be your father walking you down the aisle at your wedding. 

I’m a week off my cutoff date for receiving rsvps. Missing from over 50 people. That’s what I would yell at your father about, that he forgot to tell you there was an invite there!  

Post # 7
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I would be heartbroken if that happened to me.  He ordered a TUX??  He so knew he was walking her down the aisle.  Otherwise he would have worn a suit like a normal guest.  And her supposedly sending it to his address??  Umm, was it a dual invite like Mr. Dad & Mrs. Daughter invite?  Why would she send it to him?  Why would he not tell you (when he’s planning to go?).  It all reeks of them both hiding this from you.  I think you have every right to be upset!!  Most especially about the lying!  And yes, even from the fact that you wanted him to walk you and only you down the aisle.  I totally understand!!

Post # 8
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Well, feelings aren’t rational.  Rationally, yes, you’re overreacting.  Your cousin has no father, would you really deny her having her uncle give her away because you want him all to yourself?!  She has no father!  Have some sympathy!

That said- you can’t help how you feel.  Vent here on WB, but don’t bring it up to anyone in your family- they would probably start using words like br*dez*lla or self*sh to drescribe you and you don’t want that!!

Give yourself some time to calm down, and I’m sure it’ll be OK.

Post # 9
51 posts
Worker bee

I understand that you’re mad but what if you had a sister?  Would you feel the same way?  That you wanted him to walk you and only you down the aisle?  Didn’t your cousin have anyone else to walk her down the aisle?  I think that it would have been better if you were informed ahead of time so that you wouldn’t be so shocked. 

Post # 10
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would normally say it is a bit selfish for you to want to be the only person to be walked down the aisle by your dad because maybe to him it was an honor to walk her down.  BUT, if I were you I would be VERY hurt and upset because they kept the info away from you.  They should have been honest with you about him walking her down because it sounds as if it was planned and they didn’t want to tell you to avoid any drama or arguments.  That I would be upset with and express to them, but about sharing your dad, think about how often that happens with sisters, they have to share their dad.

Post # 11
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t get why he didn’t just let you know he was going to walk his niece down the aisle to begin with. Did he really think you wouldn’t find out? He should have just sat you down and said, "hey i’m goign to do this and wanted to let you know. 

Is it the fact that he did it, or the fact that he hid it from you that upsets you the most? The latter would bother me….they really should have just been up front about it

You’re still his daughter. I know you feel like he’s *your* dad, but she’s his uncle. I’ve been to plenty of weddings where a family member (not the dad) has given away the bride. Not everyone has a father or grandfather or brother, and sometimes you have to rely on your close male relatives. Don’t you feel bad for her at all, not having her father there to walk HER down the aisle?

What was he going to do, let her walk down there all by herself by turning her down? Now THAT is a sad picture. Give it a little more time and I think you’ll stop being resentful of it.  

Post # 12
28 posts

Really sorry to hear that you are heart broken. It is rather hard when such an important day in  your life is coming up and you are planning it to be just so and things come up that get in the way.

 Not quite the same, but similar thing happened to me. My father danced with mystep sister’s daughter at her wedding for the "father daughter" dance. Honestly I didnt even think about it twice. I was neer asked, but I’m sure my dad was, and he said yes. So ultimately he didn’t see anything wrong with it. 

The aisle this is a bit different. I guess it was your dad’s choice as well in this case. It would have been nice to ask, but if you think about it, if your dad didn’t agree, who would be there for your cousin? I know it’s rough, but sometimes it’s best to share and be thankful that your father is always here to walk you down the aisle, while others don’t have such options. =)

 Hope this helps just a bit. I’m sure your wedding will mean much more to your father than your cousin’s wedding. So don’t you worry. 

Post # 13
11 posts
  • Wedding: June 2006

I know this must be horrible for you 🙁 but at the end of the day from your Dad’s perspective there will be nothing comparable to walking his daughter down the aisle, and it will be a proud moment he will remember the rest of his life!

Post # 14
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

It does sound odd that your dad seems to have hid the whole thin gfrom you, but then why did he tell you about it aftewards?  Odd. 

But I’m with rosychicklet – seriously, she doesn’t have a dad and it’s best to be sensitive about that.  If I ever lost my father, I’d ask an uncle, and it wouldn’t be because I’m trying to steal any cousin’s thunder or anything.  It doesn’t take anything away from your walk down the aisle with him, and your cousin probably really appreciated him being there for her. 

If you talk to them about this, make sure you focus on the fact that it felt like they were hiding it – NOT that you’re upset that you didn’t get him all to yourself.  I do’nt want to sound harsh, because I think it’s fair to be upset, but really… the girl doesn’t have her father anymore and you should be sympathetic to that.  

Post # 15
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ugh, the whole situation is just kind of sucky. I can understand your jealousy but am right there with some of the girls who are saying that it would be a very poor idea to bring it up to family.

I’m without a father/grandfather to walk me down the aisle. It’s something that I’ve come to terms with but it still sucks. Revel in the fact that when your dad grips your arm on your big day he will be thinking of nothing other than his sweet daughter.

I’m sure he was quite proud of your cousin and honored but there’s no way that he had that same rush of feelings. It isn’t the same. As a girl without that male figure, I can sympathize with you cuz -it must’ve been hard confronting the fact that she needed to pull an uncle in for her moment.

Post # 16
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well, you weren’t treated right, that is for sure. It is perfectly okay for you to be a little upset and hurt by this.

That said, I would keep these feelings private. Vent, vent, vent HERE, but not to your family. Seriously, write a ton of posts on this board and just get it out. I think every person on here recognizes that weddings are emotional, and it brings out weirdness and craziness and beauty and mess all at once. What you don’t want to do is let all of that emotion hurt someone else, if possible.

What your dad did was clumsy with your feelings. But it sounds like he was doing a good thing, overall. And if you make a big deal out of this, people will defend your dad. Thats the honest truth.

So, while you can’t control your feelings, you can control how you act. Is it unreasonable to feel as you feel? Nope. It would be unreasonable, though, to say anything to anyone other than your girlfriends and us Bees.

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