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I lived in Illinois at the time, and was the MOH for my friend in CA. Heres what I did as MOH:
• We talked on the phone once a month and talked over all of her wedding plans
• I designed her shower invitations, all thank you cards, wedding day itinerary, program and menu ( i sent her files, she printed all)
• I helped plan her shower (talked with her aunt over the phone ) Bought vases, ribbons for centerpieces.
• Flew out to attend shower & bachelorette party and the wedding.
However, her wedding was on a Sunday and she decided to have the rehearsal dinner on the Wednesday night before it, not Saturday night.. so i didn't attend it. (couldn't take off that much work) I know she was concerned but understood I couldn't make it...everything was fine.
the $ was my only issue with plane tix.. got really expensive!! i didn't get her a wedding gift mainly because of that and all for all the design work i did. She was very appreciative and I was honored to be part of her wedding day!
I plan to ask her to be 1 of my BMs and I hope she can do as much as she can. I'd love her to be included in all activities :)
There is NO way she can get here twice. We're both not even from where I live so the only reason to come here is me :-) Tickets are RIDICULOUS from Anchorage to here and vice versa. We both might as well meet up in Australia for the same price!
She's planning on coming in a few days before so we can do a bachelorette etc... but would it be wrong of me to ask others to take care of showers or other things?
I'm actually really curious how other people respond to this thread. We're in Pittsburgh, and our wedding party is in Orlando (MOH), DC (bridesmaid and best man), Minneapolis (bridesmaid and bridesman), LA (groomswoman), and Pittsburgh (2 groomsmen). Next weekend, my MOH and DC-based bridesmaid are coming to Pittsburgh to help me find a dress (they are all picking their own). I'm hoping to squeeze in a venue visit, so they can see what it looks like. And my MOH apparently read about her "duties" on TheKnot, and has created some sort of binder :) I'm really curious to see what she's come up with.
I'm pretty sure they plan on throwing some sort of shower, maybe in DC or Minneapolis. There's also been talk of an engagement party. Quite honestly, though - any parties they choose to throw will be awesome, but not an expectation. I would like them to be available for my bachelorette party, but I totally won't be devastated if they can't afford it, in both money for travel and time off work.
Basically, the only things I really NEED them to be here for are the rehearsal and the wedding. My fiance and I have booked an entire mansion for Friday and Saturday nights, so we'll have our entire wedding party under one roof. Up to that point, we just keep each other informed via emails, phone calls, and a facebook group.
I'm very interested to see the responses to this thread as well. Both my MOH and BM are in Arizona, and I'm up here in WI. It's not really practical for us to be gallivanting across the country. I don't really expect anything from either of them, other than their presence at the wedding. If there was a party of some sort, though, I don't know when or where it would be.
Oooo!!! I'm from Alaska. She's so lucky right now - it's starting to snow. Anyways...
My MOH is in Missouri, and my other BMs are in Texas, Arkansas and Virginia. So, they have been out of the picture most of the time. Krissybee, you are a saint! You did all of that for your bride?? Holy cow!! Congratulations.
Mine have done as much as they can, with MOH actually not able to do much from where she is, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I fully expect all of them to literally hit the ground running when they get here few days before. I've taken care of almots everything completely and utterly on my own - being Type A, this suits me anyway. My mother and his mother did all of the shower and party things and made me feel like a princess - no loss there.
I only expect her to be who I need her to be on that day, which is someone who will read me like a book and assess any OCD moment I am having or any emotional fit. Honestly, I didn't expect them to DO much, but I did choose them for the support I would need on that day.
Now, two BMs have been exceptionally helpful when MOH couldn't be. One even flowe in as a surprise for my shower, but it was completely unexpected.
Maybe cause I had a lot of family into my wedding it wasn't a problem. My mom took care of the shower with some help from my sisters and the other BM. I didn't really have a MOH until the day before the wedding because I didn't want to force duties on someone but then I had to have someone sign the papers as a witness and take care of the veil and that sort of stuff and my one sister had really done a ton of work for all the wedding stuff so she ended up being the MOH. So I guess I would just kinda talk to your BM and your parents and let them know the situation and see what they say. Someone usually steps up. Otherwise, if she can just be there for moral support and ideas maybe that's all you need or perhaps a project will come up that she wants to help with. You seem pretty open to whatever and just want her to be there with you, seems pretty positive.
I'm in the same boat...I am in FL and MOH is in WA state. My MOH is my sister, and honestly, she has expressed that she wishes she could do more on her end, but maybe I am too laid back and I say, I just want her to be part of my special day. I am not expecting anything but her support and her presence. She can help with my Rehearsal (she will fly in that day) and she is just so organized and awesome that that is all I really ask! =)
my moh/sister is out of state, but i think i'm pretty lucky in the fact that she's willing to fly for parties. she and my sil just flew me to vermont for a surprise bachelorette party, and my sister will come home for my shower. other than that (those weren't expectations but i know she's going to do them) i just want her there for my big day. she actually asked me, after watching an episode of bridezilla where all of the bridesmaids were making programs, if she should be helping with stuff like that, but of course i told her no, not only because i can do that myself but because how would she be able to from so far away? she's funny some times.
I'm with you girls too - my MOH lives in another state, but luckily my 2 BM live near me. My MOH and I already discussed how we might do this - I created a google group (borrowed her idea - she did this for her wedding recently), we will be having a little party like get together to try on dresses in November when she comes to visit (her family lives here too), etc. We also talk via email (we are both better at keeping in touch email anyways so it's not like that's odd for us) and are hoping to get some Skype up here sometime soon too. I just like the google group idea because them she, my 2 BM and my mom and I can all be on the same page with things and if she has questions for my mom or BMs she can email them directly (especially if it is something like bachelorette or something).
-Bella
@Jelly_Bean25- aww shucks, thanks. She doesn't have sisters or many close girlfriends to help (but her mom did so much too) so i was more than willing to do everything i could.
It was fun too!, and i was grateful that every conversation we had on the phone she'd say cute things like "i'm so glad you are part of my planning process".. "so thankful you're helping me.." etc. That was worth it to me because i know my efforts were genuinely appreciated.
I was the MOH for my college friend a few years ago, and to be honest, I think the only MOH "duty" that I did really was the speech at the reception. The issue wasn't as much me being far away as it was that I worked in TV at the time and didn't have weekends off, so I couldn't get time off for anything besides the wedding. Her aunt planned and did everything for the shower without me, and one of the other BM who lived in the same city planned the bachelorette party. I obviously offered to help, but I don't think they minded taking over those things knowing my situation.
My friend told me when she asked me to be in the wedding that she knew that I wouldn't be able to do a lot, and to not worry about feeling like I wasn't doing anything- she just wanted me to be there to stand up for her. I really appreciated that. So- if that's really what's important to you, then I would say something like that to her so that she doesn't feel like she is not fufilling her "duties". Hopefully some of the other girls or family members can jump in to handle stuff in her absence.
My MOH is in Michigan, my lone other BM is in Seattle and I'm in Dallas. And my family is in Pittsbugh -- crazy! My MOH and I email A LOT -- mostly me emailing her ideas from good old WeddingBee and talk on the phone several times a week -- though I try to make sure it's not all wedding talk. She had the opportunity to fly down here and help me pick out a dress, look at flowers, and sample cake. We crammed about 7 Very Important Bridal Experiences into one short weekend!
As for the shower/bachelorette, I think we're going to do those on the same day in Pittsburgh, since that's where my family and the majority of my friends are. So at least it's a 5 hour drive, rather than a trip on an airplane. Sure, it's not as fun as if she lived in the same country or time zone, but we make it work :)
Yea we are quite a ways apart so she'll basically be standing with me on the day and up until then we talk ideas together. It's cool...I don't need the parties that they typically throw and well I'm a super duper control freak do it myself person so I'll probably do alot of stuff for our wedding alone anyways.
I was the MOH for a wedding that was across the country from where I lived.
I flew down one time to find a BM dress. Spent the weekend.
I was unable to fly again to go to her shower (which was in a totally different state than where she or I live).
I flew down early (2 days) before the wedding to help her with some last minute stuff.
In total, if you count the dress and hotel room I spent a little less than 2k.
We already talk on the phone a lot.
I'm the exact opposite of you, Krissycake. My MOH is in FL, but I'm in WA state. Honestly, I don't really expect much of her, but she's my 1 sister and the only person I want in that role. I understood when I picked her that it would be hard for her to participate a ton, add to that the fact she just got engaged herself so she's pretty busy. She is throwing me a shower when she's home for Christmas, even though it's 3 months before the wedding because it's the only time she'll be home beforehand. She's also planning my bachelorette party the Thursday before my wedding so she can be there. We just have to be a little bit flexible. I'm her MOH, too, but she's not getting married until Jan of 2011, so I'll probably make a trip to FL to throw her a shower after my wedding.
@jelly_bean - it's funny that what you consider lucky, i consider sad (snow) lol. :)
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Does anyone have a MOH that's out of state? My MOH and I couldn't be further apart! I'm on the east coast... she's in Alaska! I know her coming here before the wedding trip is out of the question... Sure, we can do parties and things before the wedding in the days leading up to it... but I'm not really sure which duties I should actually give her for pre-wedding. I don't even really expect much from her... or any of my girls who are almost ALL out of state...
To me, the most important thing, is that I have the "most important girl in my life" standing up on my side and as my witness... not the most convenient.
What did you do with your expectations for your out of state MOH and bridesmaids?