Out of town bridesmaids / wedding shower / bachelorette party

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Ours weren’t quite so spread out, but they were spread out and I lived away from them too. We did the shower at 11 AM (lunch) and then went back to my MOH’s apartment and took a nap and then started the bachelorette party at 5:30 or 6:00. It worked out very well.

Post # 4
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Oh, I like the idea of doing the bachelorette and wedding shower the same weekend! We’re all in different states too (including west, east, and gulf coast, oof!)

Post # 5
Member
5007 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yep! Between me and my bridesmaids we’re in 5 different states. My shower and bachelorette party will be the same day in the state that my wedding is in (where my family lives, I don’t live there). I’ll travel there and some of my bridesmaids will but not all of them and that’s fine! Just tell them you understand if they can’t come but you’d love to have them. 

Post # 6
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Three of my bridesmaids were local, and the fourth was literally across the country (I’m in Washington, she’s in Florida).

I suppose you guys have to have a discussion and choose whether or not it’s feasible for all of your bridesmaids to make multiple trips – and potentially take time off work – for the shower, bachelorette, and wedding, and they’ll also have to talk amongst themselves (if any of your party plans are a secret) and determine which has a higher priority.

Personally, I didn’t care if my long distance bridesmaid missed out on the bridal showers (just parties with drinking and gifts, certainly not worth the cost of a plane ticket and day’s worth of travel!), but we knew the bachelorette party was definitely a top priority.

We ended up planning my bachelorette party for the weekend right before the wedding so that my bridesmaid from FL could take two solid weeks off of work to do both the bachelorette and the wedding, and leave time for travel and rest before getting back to work.

Post # 7
Member
912 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My bridesmaids are completely spread out. One lives with me, one is an hour flight, three live on the opposite coast, and the last lives in a different country. My MOH is throwing my bachelorette party while everyone is in town for the wedding (I’m not the crazy/get drunk type, so it won’t be a problem). As for the showers, only 3 will make the 2 showers on different coasts. I told the other bridesmaids about the showers, but told them I didn’t want them to have to spend more money for that, so they shouldn’t feel obligated to come.

 

Post # 8
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Some of my bridesmaids live 5-8 hours away and I don’t want to make them travel too much either so we are having a bridal shower early in the day and then the bachelorette party that night!

Post # 9
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@NAvery:  This is pretty much exactly what we are doing! :]

Post # 10
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m in the same boat. There are 6 bridesmaids, in 4 different states. My bridal shower will be mostly family. When I go back home for my sister’s graduation, my mom is having my bridal shower. The bachlorette party will be a few days before the wedding, when everyone is in town. 

Post # 11
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m only having my sister and niece in the wedding party (partly b/c my friends are so spread out and mostly married with kids).  However, we also wanted to have a lingerie shower and bachelorette party and had a hard time figuring out when and the location.  A few of my friends ended up renting a beachhouse in the same city as the wedding for the Wed and Th nights before the wedding.  Three of my friends who live the furthest away are flying in on on Wed, so we’ll be at the house along with my sister and sister-in-law the first night.  Then, on Thursday, about 6 more of my closest friends are going to come into town and we’ll have a girls’ day on the beach followed by a lingerie shower followed by a bachelorette party!  On Friday, I’ll stay on the beach until midday when I leave to get my mani/pedi and the girls can stay out on the beach.  

By having it right before the wedding, it allows more of my close friends to be there and it gives them an opportunity to all really bond before the wedding (since they are from different phases of my life – growing up, college, grad school, etc.)  I’m only having one other shower, thrown by my mother’s friends in late April, so I won’t have very many girlfriends at that one:(   

Post # 12
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@maraschino:  Did the bachelorette the weekend before the wedding work out ok for you?  This is how we are doing mine.  My MOH lives in CA, I’m in WI.  I really want her to be there and she can only swing flying out once.  I know it’s going to be a ton of fun, I just hope by then I’m done with most things and relaxed!

Post # 12
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Im in the same boat! All 5 of my BM’s live out of town, in 5 different states. The closest BM lives 2 hrs away. My MOH keeps asking when and where I want to do my shower and my bachelorette. I have a feeling I will have 2 showers. One in my home state, and one in the state where I live/where the wedidng will be. We’ll have to see if its easier to have both events same day and have everyone travel, or have the the shower be a family thing and do the bachelorette a couple days before the wedding. Maybe brunch and pampering. Ay caramba! I get stressed just thinking about it. 

Post # 13
Member
447 posts
Helper bee

If I was a bridesmaid or a really good friend, I would probably really try to commit to flying one other time- one of the pre-wedding parties.  I think the shower/bachelorette weekend is common when all people are so spread out.  Otherwise, prioritze parties!

Post # 14
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

tmilligan10:  None of my bridesmaids live in the same state as me or each other. We are spread out all over the country. We’re doing my bachelorette two nights before the wedding so that no one has to travel twice. That still leaves us one day to recover from our hangovers too! As for the shower, I don’t expect them to attend that. It will be local and probably small, which is fine by me. 

Post # 15
Member
5316 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I live 2000 miles from my MOH and bridesmaid.  I just didn’t get any of the parties.  Disappointing but hardly the end of the world.  I didn’t have time to fly out there and would never have dreamed of asking them to come to me.  Them coming to the wedding was plenty!

But… if you are going to do something, I’d suggest just having a girls’/bachelorette night just before the wedding itself. They’ll already be there.  They’ll have a place to stay.  No additional spending on rooms and flights will be necessary at all.  Bachelorette’s do not have to be wild weekends out of state – I actually think it’s a terrible trend, though obviously that’s just my personal opinion.

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