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I would email back with a polite, "I understand that entirely, plus ones are a lot of stress! I would love to go to your wedding, but unfortunately I will not be able to attend. I hope you have a wonderful day, and next time you're in town with your new husband, drop by so we can take you out to dinner and celebrate," or something.
Would you be open to bringing someone along for the weekend away, and separating briefly for the wedding?
Are you sure there's not going to be anyone else there that you know?
I think if you were to decline after having already accepted the invitation, and after being told that the couple cannot accommodate your guest, it would look as if you are somehow upset about that decision and may be reacting to that. If you care about your relationship with your friend, and if you had been looking forward to attending her wedding when you thought you were able to bring a guest, I think you should still plan to attend.
I would never go to a wedding alone. I would be terribly uncomfortable...and almost embarassed. ESPECIALLY since you don't know anyone... how awkward and boring that sounds. And its an out of town wedding?
I definitely dont think its rude to back out now. The bride and groom cannot expect you to travel alone, pay for and stay at a hotel alone and go solo to a wedding where you know no one. Just send back a polite emailing saying you can no longer attend. HappierKate's suggestion was great!
I think since you already made a commitment to go, it would look bad to back out now just because you cannot bring a date. I would go and try to meet people.
From one not very extroverted person to another.....I think that it is ok to back out as long as it is still within the RSVP period. Tell her that you aren't angry about the +1 policy, but that you aren't comfortable going to an out-of-town wedding where you don't know anyone by yourself. If you didn't have to travel or if you had other friends attending the wedding I would say to just suck it up. I know that I would be miserable and lonely.
I would still send a lovely gift, and try and make plans to see one another at a later date.
@Duchess Lena: yeah, i think explaining that you aren't upset about not being able to bring a guest but feel uncomfortable since you don't know anyone is the best solution.
@HappierKate: I like this response because it shows that you're not angry with her or arguing over her +1 policy.
It had a space for guests on the invite? So it said +1 on your invite?
Cos if it didn't then I think it should be assumed that it's just you, I think you should still go, you were invited and did agree to go. If you back out now they will know you only were going cos you thought you could bring someone. Yes you made it clear that you understand their policy, but now you're not going cos you can't go alone. There are several threads on here about guests bringing uninvited people, and assuming they could bring someone, and backing out when they were told no. I suggest you go and show your support for the bride and groom on the big day.
And sure sending them a gift if you weren't going is nice, but they invited you cos they wanted you there on the day, not just get a gift and you not be there.
@HappierKate: I agree. If you don't feel comfortable going then don't go. I don't think it's rude at all (as long as it's not like 3 days before the wedding). I actually think it's pretty lame you didn't get a plus one since you are an OOT guest and you won't know anyone.
@RunsWithBears: I disagree, I don't think it's lame that the bride and groom didn't give her a plus one, it is their day and they may not want strangers at their wedding, there may be a limited number of guests they can have and I am sure they would prefer to invite the people they know and care about than a stranger.
OP: If they get some no RSVPs they may consider allowing out of town guests to have a +1 but don't expect it of them, it's their day, not yours.
@Jacqui90: I disagree. if the bride was using her brains when she made the guestlist, then she should have realized the OP isn't going to know anybody else at the wedding. in this case, she should be sympathetic and allow a guest. or not invite her at all.
@krismae: I think it's ok to back out. just word your response super politely. but I think it was so rude that she did not allow you to bring a guest, so if she thinks you are being rude for backing out, so be it.
@Jacqui90: They aren't obligated to give OP a plus one if she is single, BUT it's the very polite and considerate thing to do. Also it stops being "all about them" when they choose to invite other people and they need to take into consideration the comfort of their guests.
@krismae: If she's the type of friend that you're close with and can be open with her, then be completely honest about feeling shy and declining going. I would think she'd understand something like that, and by now, maybe she's had some "no" RSVPs which might allow her to add a guest for you anyway. I like the idea of one of the PPs of brining a friend along for the weekend, just not to the wedding. Hey, you never know who you'll meet at the wedding - some people have met their spouses at weddings! =o)
I also think the bringing a friend to the weekend is a good idea, give you a chance to catch up with a friend and get away while still honouring the bride and groom's wishes :)
I think that krismae misunderstood how the invitation was worded, honest mistake.
Of course they aren't obligated to give a +1, but they shouldn't be offended when someone is uncomfortable with traveling to a city alone, where they know no one (except the bride, who will of course be busy). If it wasn't an out-of-town wedding, I would say to suck it up, go, and try and have a good time. If the wedding was a destination wedding, they woudln't be offended when some one deicded not to travel alone, it should be looked at the same way for an out-of-towner.
@RunsWithBears: "it stops being "all about them" when they choose to invite other people and they need to take into consideration the comfort of their guests."
^This. That's why I wouldn't be offended if a friend RSVPed no because she couldn't bring a guest; I wouldn't take it as a passive-aggressive ploy to get a plus 1, I would just assume she didn't feel comfortable traveling alone and coming to a wedding alone where she didn't know anyone but me and my FI. I would hate to think that I had a shy friend sitting alone not enjoying my wedding just because she wanted to support me. What kind of support would I be giving her? If I really couldn't accomodate a plus one I'd be honest, but I couldn't possibly be offended if she felt uncomfortable coming without a friend or date.
Thanks for all the good responses. The email went out today and I RSVP'd today, so I don't think it will inconvenience her if I back out now. Actually, she also noted that it is Easter weekend, which I ALSO didn't realize, so I don't think I can go anyway. I guess I got pretty lucky, because that's probably a better reason to back out.
I understand that inviting +1's in a situation where the wedding is in town and/or there's lots of people who know each other can be a bit extravagant, but I think it's not unreasonable to expect someone who is not part of a circle of friends or family to want to bring someone with them to another city. Of course, it means they would be buying my guest dinner, but I also expect to spend several hundred dollars on wedding and shower gifts, travel, room and board. So, I think it probably works out monetarily.
Oh well, I guess it's not really an issue after all!
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I was invited to a wedding that is out of town. My friend lived in my town for a few years, but grew up and went to colleges out of the area, so she has friends all over the place. I have never met her family, and have only met one of her FH friends.
Anyway, her invitation was a little unconventional (email), and it had a blank space for a guest, so I assumed that meant I was invited with a guest. Shortly after submitting my RSVP, I got an email from her saying they couldn't accomidate guests (it was very polite). My thing is, I don't know anyone else at the wedding besides the bride and groom, and I'm not the most extroverted person on earth. Is it rude to try to graciously back out of the wedding, after I already said I'd go? I don't think it will be much fun for me, and I will have to spend a good amount of money on a hotel and travel arrangements. If it were a wedding in town, I wouldn't mind, but this is basically scheduling a weekend in another town by myself.
Thoughts?