Post # 1
Gather ’round Bee’s, I’m here to spin a tale of bottomless joy, tactless friends, and the un-tested waters of wedding netiquette!
Fiance and I have known each other for 10 years, we’ve been living togheter for 6, and we’ve been engaged for 2 (ish).
Long spans of time i know! So when we decided on March first (yes last week) to finally set a date for our wedding we decided that we had waited long enough and that we would have our wedding on the 30th of August. We are goign super simple so time is no big.
Excitement! Fiance and I jumped into planning mode we called my Dad to make sure our idea of a BBQ wedding at his house was fine, He was Thrilled! We called my Mum’s parents to see about flying her back to the States. No problem! FI’s Brother may even be able to make it up from Texas. Good Stuff!
Our guest list is mostly fleshed out. Since My Fi’s family is very small, he wanted to focus on inviting our friends to the wedding, and since our friends tend to plan things very far in advance i wanted to get a save-the-date e-mail out ASAP. And boy am i glad i did.
Now our group of friend do not so much resemeble a circle as they do a rather large Venn Diagram. and the people we care most about are smack dab in the center. (yea i know, sucks being the cool kids. but were all a bunch of geeks I swear!)
I get the E-mails out, and ive done this all within 6 days of knowing when i’m getting married, Go me!
So here’s when things get icky…
I get Happy e-mails back from everyone i know checkes their e-mail and actually responds to it, Yay!
I also get an IM from my TactlessFriend…
TF: "Yay, now i get to do the girl thing and buy TWO dresses!"
me: "Umm, why?"
TF: "Didn’t you know? You’re getting married the same weekend as OtherFriend! he getting mariedon the 29th, he did announce it on his LiveJournal"
C. R. A. P.
OtherFriend and i are cool but he is on my outer circle of friends and not someone i would invite to my wedding (unless i could have 300 people or something)
First thing I do is go check his LJ, i had to read through the whole thing twice to find it, and yeah he did anounce the date, buried at the bottom of a mostly unrelated post. I do subscribe to his LJ so not only did i miss it when he origionally posted it, i could barely find it when looking for it later.
Secondly Tactless Friend decided that the Awesome(tm) thing to do would be to call a few of the other friends i invited to inform them of the overlap.
This is actually good becasue i do learn something when HelpfulFriend Calls me.
HF: "Hey TF, called me"
HF: "Well OF never Called me, Sent me a save the date, or an invite, so either i’m not invited or he hasn’t gotten to them yet."
I am suprised, I would expect that HelpfulFriend would be invited to OF’s wedding as HF is the nexus that kind of holds our Venn Of Friends together. weird. also TF is the kind of person to assume she is invited to things by reading it on someones LJ…
Sorry this has gotten long, Thanks for hanging in ther folks!
I don’t want to seem like a Jerk. But it seems likely that even though OF set his date first (even though he was very quiet about it. I honestly didnt know about it, and it seems TF was the only one who did!) I got save-the-dates out first. Were not having it the same day but it’s the same group of friends and the same weekend. And he is a bit of a Groomzilla.
My Step-Mom says i’m fina and not to worry about it. I’m not changing my Date. I’m prepareing to make my LiveJournal announcement (a very clear one) and i want to be prepared on how to tactfully deal with any drama. I don’t want to cause drama by acknowledging the double dates in my announcement but i want to be prepared for comments.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t worry too much about it, you didn’t know, so it wasn’t like you did it intentionally. I would not mention the double date in your LJ, and just politely explain if anyone questions you.
Post # 4
Are both weddings taking place in the same geographical area?
If so, I don’t see a problem. It will work out for any friends that have to travel that they can attend 2 weddings in one trip.
If OF is upset, explain that you didn’t realize he’s chosen a date and you are SO RELIEVED that you aren’t on the same day!
Hopefully you’ll be able to schedule your events (rehearsal dinner, etc) so as not to make your friends choose between the 2.
Post # 6
I think I misread your post initially, sorry! I agree with the others, it seems like an honest mistake. If there is drama, just explain what happened, your true friends won’t question your intentions. Good luck!
Post # 7
I wouldn’t bring it up. It will probably only affect a few people (and it will bring to everyone’s attention exacly who was invited to which wedding, or both, and that could be awkward). Even for those it does affect it shouldn’t be too big of a deal. They’re on different days, and it sounds like they aren’t in completely different locations, so no one should have any trouble attending both.
We actually had some (distant) friends of ours set their wedding for the same date, for a location a thousand miles away. It ended up only affecting one or two couples, one of which is my Maid/Matron of Honor. I felt bad because my wedding is the one where she needs to travel a thousand miles to get there, and the other wedding is in the city she lives in, but she said she was excited for the trip. Whew!
Post # 8
How many people are going to be affected by the overlap? That is, how many people will be invited to both weddings and able to attend only one, and if so, what are the odds that they would attend his instead of yours? If he’s that far from you in the Venn of Friends then I imagine the overlap is not that great.
If the weddings and friends are in the same geographic area, this could work out in your favor and not be a problem at all. Besides, if someone is your close friend but only his casual friend, even if they knew about his wedding date first, if forced to choose they still might come to yours because they are closer friends with you. You also have the advantage that it seems like you are getting invitations/STDs in the (e)mail faster than he is. An LJ announcement does not a wedding invitation make!
This will probably work itself out fine without anyone having to choose another date. My good friend had two weddings to go to, one on Halloween (her friends, who picked her date before mine) and mine on November 1. She flew down that morning to come to mine and I was so happy she did. So it will probably work out fine and the people you really care about being there will be there.
Post # 9
@roseychicklet Thankfully everyone is local, and I’m doign things very unconventionally so dates for events can easly be flexible.
@RIbride Not insensitive at all, thanks! at least we picked seperate days. The big thing i have is that yes i know (NOW) that he set his date first and is much deeper in the planning (he’s also having a much more formal wedding than me). BUT its almost as if hes trying to keep his date secret from everyone. Whereas i’ve been shouting it from the rooftops since i set it. So he may have set it first but people I’m inviting are finding out about mine first. and they found out before i knew about his date.
Post # 10
I would say that if his STD’s are not out, you don’t have to worry. What were you supposed to do? Check all of your friends’ xangas/myspaces/livejournals/etc to make sure they were all happy with your date? Pshah! You would be one crazy busy bride!
I agree with Chelseamorning, that the people who are in the nexus of your Venn O’Friends will be there, no questions asked.
Good luck, and try not to stress!
Post # 11
thanks everyone! My only goal is not to feed the Drama Llama and i think i can do that.
@Sezzy I totally Squeed! at your XKCD icon
Post # 12
Maybe he’s not shouting his date from the rooftops because he won’t be inviting all of these friends and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. I think you’re fine. If someone is invited to both, they’ll make a choice. OK. So what? They’ll still have fun that weekend and no one will notice. No worries!!