- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
Hey girls, I am a former weddingbee member who used to post often on the boards but have been absent a while. I am back to share a scenario which is very stressful/worrysome to me, and I have chosen to air it out here because I remember you all being so opinionated, diverse, helpful, etc. So bear with me here.
My friend (let’s call her S) is 30 years old and has absolutely no work ethic, ambition, motivation, or instrinsic desire to grow up. She works part-time (which adds up to about 10 hours a week) and spends the rest of her time in a perpetual state of lounging, basically. Watching TV, surfing the net, sleeping, etc. She makes almost no money because she barely works (by choice – because she would rather lounge all day) so her rent, car payments, gas, food, etc. all go on a credit card/line of credit. She spends almost nothing because she doesn’t want to go into even more debt, so she always tries to cling to people who will do her “favours” or give her things out of pity – rides here and there, dinner invitations, used clothing, etc. About six months ago, her father passed away, and she has been spending 3-4 days a week with her mother who lives 3 hours away to “support” her – which is totally legitimate – except a number of conversations I have had with S leads me to believer she is using this “family crisis” as even more of an excuse not to bother working (she is on a personal leave of absence for this reason) or being responsible for anything than to actually support her mother. Recently, her mother has told her that her support is no longer needed as much as it once was (I suspect because S has just been raiding her fridge and pawning rides off her) and has encouraged her to permanently move back to her own home, and stop visiting her mom as much.
S doesn’t “feel like” returning to work on her regular part time schedule, so she is scouring the internet to find the most eligible bachelor with the best-paying job she can, so he will pay for her expenses (a former boyfriend would make her various payments and actually paid off 2 cards for her in the past) give her a place to live, and drive her around, so she can continue getting by doing as little as possible. Since she sleeps until noon on a regular basis, and most of her prospects have jobs to go to every morning, she is often left in their homes where she snoops, checks personal emails, and I fear (with no proof) that she has likely stolen small amounts of money or food. * I suspect this only because I am very aware that she believes everyone owes her favours, loans, etc. because she is basically unemployed. She is currently dating a seemingly very nice but naive man who works for the military and she is excited about the prospect of being a “military stay at home wife” and traveling around for “free”. She has a large social group of friends whose company she doesn’t appear to really enjoy, however they buy her drinks when they go out, and always provide her with a ride home.
Increasingly, she has been requesting to hang out with me, and as much as I used to enjoy her company and count her as a great friend, her attitude and outlook on life has me fed up to the point that I feel she has no place in my life. I am married, have 2 small children, and my husband and I both have thriving careers. I feel the window of space for S and her antics in my life is decreasing daily – I do not want to continue being her friend knowing that her main objective from me is likely just a place to crash, and maybe some leftovers to take home. I also do not enjoy her spending the night at my home because it is nearly impossible to get her to leave. Recently she requested to “stay the night” at my friend’s house one Friday night, and she didn’t leave until Monday afternoon. I realize this is also partly the fault of my friend, who should have been more agressive in asking her to leave, but S likes to lay it on thick about her father’s death, her unemployment, etc. in order to garner sympathy for an extended place to stay. I do not believe it is the company she enjoys, but more like the freeloading.
A few things to note: S has always been this way, and held these motives, ethics, and personality traits – these have not just occured as some coping mechanism or depression after the death of her father.
What would you do if you were me?