Outrageous waiting issues, anyone? Anyone predict he'll NEVER propose?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow, I’m sorry. I was with a man for 5 years, and I had a feeling he was never going to propose. I got so bitter, and in the meantime, met my future husband. As soon as I broke up with the other guy, he proposed to try and get me back, YUCK. Time to really evaluate your relationship. Do you want to wait 7 years??? To me, it sounds like a cop out on his part.

Post # 4
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@musician32992:  My first question is…how old are you two?  If you are early 20s, I honestly feel like that is totally reasonable.  If you are 30+..um, maybe not so much.  lol.

I understand being young, in love, but maybe school/money issues are in the way.  That might explain the whole ‘buying your whole engagement ring’.

I feel your pain fellow bee.  I’m in a relationship, 3 years, it’s not gonna happen for me 3-5 years.  UM?

To make matters worse, I JUST shared a story with my SO off of this website about the woman waiting 22.5 years for an engagement..and it turned into an argument!! what?  My feelings almost don’t even matter or something 🙁

Hang in there.  I am here for you.  Message me if you need to.  I need a friend, and I am here for you!  Why the HECK do we want to get married so bad?  I almost wish I was more like the man in the relationship and just didn’t care!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

7 years!? Where did that number come from? Did he just pull it out of his a$$ to try & give you a number? What are his reasons for wanting to wait so much; does he not believe in marriage in general, or do you think it might be that he doesn’t want to marry you?

It’s such a catch 22, because from his perspective, he is thinking that if you truly love him that you will stay without a ring/marriage, but from your perspective you are thinking that if he really loves you he will marry you.

Post # 6
Member
353 posts
Helper bee

@musician32992:  do you think he was serious about 7 years or was just saying it in a casual way?

My boyfriend has always said things like “could be next month, could be ten years!” which would drive me crazy… but he also said that about moving in, and then three months later asked me to move in. So I’m not too worried that the “could be ten years” part will happen.

Does your gut tell you he wants to marry you or no?

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

He sounds kinda like my ex. He actually told me he wanted to get married at 35. This was after 5yrs of dating at respectable ages 28&29.

He would set up unrealistic timelines for when he wanted to settle down. It all turned out to be a stall tactic on his end because he had no intent on proposing marriage.

When he said 35 It was added confirmation for me to move on. No way in he11 I would be waaiting an additional 7 yrs for something that wasn’t guaranteed to happen with him. 

Especially since he knew I wanted to finish having kids before 35. Everyone has diferent timelines for themselves but it doesn’t mean you should be passive and agree to that time.

You could simply compromise on a timeline that works for you both. If he’s unwilling to meet you half way then you

have a clear sign on how committed he is to marrying you in the future.

It’s up to you to determine if this is a stall tactic or an unrealistic timeline that can be adjusted.

 

Post # 8
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

That doesn’t sound good at all…

7 Years is a LONG time to wait, assuming that you’ve already been dating for quite some time already.

As another Bee has said, I’d like to know more about your situation… before I comment further

Your Ages… How long you’ve been dating… Are you LDR… Do you live together… Working or going to School etc.

 

Post # 9
Member
5445 posts
Bee Keeper

Yikes. Was he serious? That’s not a good sign. 

Post # 10
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

unless he can justify these 7 yesrs (ie he wants to go back to school/buy a house) whatever, then i say its a stalling tactic, i have a close friend who’s partner has been doing this for years, he sets these silly age related goals, like they couldnt move in together until he was XX years old. He recently moved his getting engaged age from 30 —35 all because he is turning 30 in a few months…

 

honestly- if there are no clear reasons WHY then you shouldnt continue IMO because you could well end up waiting another 6.5 years and just before the 7 year mark he ‘ups’ his time again! xx

Post # 11
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Unless you are both very young and want to graduate/establish yourselves in a career/travel or have any other good reason for waiting, 7 years for a proposal suggests someone who is deeply reluctant to commit to your relationship. I fear that he could easily string you along for 7 years and then decide he was still unready. I’d be very inclined to consider how much of a catch he is if he is so unprepared to commit to a permanent relationship.

Not that a proposal is everything when it comes to reluctant grooms. I had a friend who did manage to get a proposal out of her bf. Unfortunately, it took another 23 years to get him up the aisle. She spent the best years of her life waiting and planning for a wedding that took a ludicrous amount of time to come along. I’m afraid I wouldn’t have had the patience! 

Post # 12
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I agree with PPs that we need some more information: how old are you, how long have you date, what are your current situations (ie is someone in med school?).

You should find out what his reasons are for saying 7 years. If he actually has some clear, legitimate reason (although I can’t quite fathom one at the moment), then maybe cut him some slack. But I would still explain to him why you really don’t want to wait that long.

If he just pulled that number out of thin air, I would said he’s totally stalling, and you might need to have a conversation about that.

Post # 13
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I can sort of see waiting to have a big wedding because of not yet being financially established or wanting to finish school and stuff… but I don’t see any reason not to get engaged. Plenty of young people get engaged and have long engagements. One of my best friends had her SO propose after 6 months and she said yes but only if the wedding doesn’t happen until we’ve been together for 2 years. And she was over 30! If a guy wants to marry you but is too broke to afford a $$$ diamond, he could propose with a ring pop, a piece of string, or a stick of gum and we’d say yes, amirite??? Getting a $2 ring from the discount bin at Target doesn’t make you any less engaged, but it announces his intentions to you and the world. This waiting to get engaged until circumstances are perfect business is BS as far as I’m concerned. 

 

Don’t waste your youth on someone who just told you he’s not willing to commit to you! He probably thinks that was a clear message from him to you that it’s never going to happen. You could date 3 more people for 2 years each between now and 7 years from now. I’d tell him that’s what you’re going to do and if none of them have proposed by then he’s welcome to show up with a ring on his original timeline…

Post # 14
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I know a lady who waited 14 years for a proposal. Yep, FOURTEEN years. She obviously has way more patience than I and I don’t really blame you for not wanting to hang around for another 7 years not really knowing what he’s going to do when the prescribed amount of time is up. As everyone else has already pointed out, we don’t know your situation so that’s really all I can say, but yeah, there would have to be some extenuating circumstances–school, career, whatever–for a seven year timeline to make sense.

Post # 15
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

After digging through your old threads a little I see why he said 7 yrs now. At first I thought he threw out a ridiculous number because he had no intention of marrying you. But Your bf is only 21!

You probably didn’t post ages because you knew the reactions you would get from this. If getting married now is that important to you maybe it’s time to admit you two are at different stages of your life and move on.

You’re 24, still fairly young. Maybe you’d be better suited with someone whose older and commitment ready. Stats says men usually are by their late 20s

Your guy is very young and I don’t blame him for not wanting to marry anytime soon. It’s really up to you decide wether you want to stick this out or find someone who is a bit more settled in life and Older.

Pushing a 21 year old to commit to marriage after 2 yrs isn’t going to play out well.

Post # 16
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

@NickiBee:  totally agree- i didnt find the part about age.. and i thik in this situation its completly valid… he probably wants to finish studying/work/get a house/save some money maybe even travel…

 

I think if i had approached my SO about getting engaged at 21 he wouldnt have been very cooperative to be honest! (he is now almost 30 and still not that cooperative!)

if this is a deal breaker for you, and you wouldnt be happy with waiting that long (which is your choice, and fine either way!) then i think you need to start thinking about your options (dating again?)

ultimatly, you both have massivly different timelines so its not going to work unless you comprimise or leave?

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors