Outside perspective wanted

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Forget this person – sounds like he’s using you for convinience. 

Post # 5
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmmm… well that sucks.  I think it could be one of two things.

A: He really loves you as a friend, but isn’t interested in a romantic relationship.  In which case, it’s best to distance yourself from him for a while until you can get over him.

B: He’s using you.  He likes the attention you give him but, once again, has no interest in a romantic relationship.  He likes you and keeps you around because you are a boost to his ego.  Have you ever seen The Holiday?  It would be like Iris and Jasper’s relationship.  If this is the case, then I’d definitely distance myself from him and seriously reconsider the friendship.

Post # 6
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Friendzoned.

Post # 7
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@RunsWithBears: All of this. 

 @beemyname:  Either way, it sounds like you should try and become your own rock from now on. It will be better for you in the long run. 

Post # 10
Member
9253 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@beemyname:  Do you want to date him?  Have you ever asked him?

Post # 13
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@beemyname:  I was in a relationship very much like this for years. It ended up being incredibly toxic, because we both just couldn’t figure out how to transition from friends to anything else and hurt each other very badly. We agreed to not speak at all for a year, and now we can see each other and are genuinely happy for each other in our new lives and relationship (this was six years ago). 

I would get away now, before it gets any worse, and you should certainly not move to his city before you figure out what you two are to each other.

Post # 14
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@beemyname:  I think you need to be direct, tell him how you’ve felt and how you’re feeling now. Tell him that you felt close enough to be boyfriend/girlfriend, that he was potentially sending sexual signals, and that if he wants you to move to his city, you can’t do it unless he wants to pursue a dating relationship. This is an important step, because maintaining your friendship as is, you will be hung up on him and never really know how he feels. Otherwise, you might be missing out on a great dating relationship with someone who is able to reciprocate. He may never want to date you or he may be in love with you. Either way, you need to hear his response loud and clear. Feeling this way about him and not knowing how he feels must be so painful!

Post # 15
Member
9253 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@beemyname:  Hmmmm.  My first instinct is he’s friend-zoning you.  But you said you thought he wanted a friends-with-benefits relationship.  I assume you didn’t take him up on it – but keep in mind sex is very bonding.  SOME fwb relationships work into romances, some don’t.

I need more details.  Is or has he dated other women during this time?  Are you in love with him? 

Perhaps his reticence is due to being concerned that you’d reject him.  Or, maybe he really just isn’t that interested in you in any way besides platonic friendship.

If you really can’t get over him, pick up the phone and tell. the. man. how. you. feel. about. him.

Post # 16
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Hmmm…
I agree with above poster who simply stated-Friendzone.
I’ve been in a situation similar to this at one point. Some men are like this-they love the interaction, attention, flirting and that  “borderline” relationship where yall are ” close friends” but practically on the borderline of a romantic relationship, but not really.
I know some women don’t agree with this perspective, but I’ve always believed man chases woman. The times I’ve had crushes on guys initiallly, not the other way around, its never turned into anything solid. So I say, gave him some space and distance yourself from him. See how he reacts and if he “Chases”/pursues you. When a man really wants a woman, he will chase. No beating around the bush, no mixed signals.
Stay strong gurlie! 

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