Post # 1
Right after our engagement, we (and my parents) sent out emails to people to see if they would even be interested in attending a wedding in Mexico at a fairly exclusive resort, we wanted to be sure there would be more than 10 people. Additionally, I made a huge blunder and asked for a lot of people’s addresses! Argh! As it turns out, our maximum allowed for the reception is 70 people, and barebones list is at 115 (inclusive of the bridal party).
Our count is confirmed from these silly emails for 57 people already, and we know there are about 15 firm NOs. I’ve not sent the physical save the dates, but I’m wondering if there is any tactful way to not send a save the date/invitation to some of the people we emailed.
Post # 3
If people are expecting an invitation, I think it’s hard to go back on your word now. My one suggestion is to only send save the dates to people who you are for sure inviting. The rest of the guests can receive just an invitation. I did that with our save the dates. Our closest family and friends received a save the date. The rest of our guest list did not.
Also, with wedding invitations the general rule is that 20% of people will say no to attending your wedding. This of course depends on your circumstances and guest list. I imagine that a destination wedding will have a higher decline rate for example.
I understand that this is stressful because I went through the taming the guest list challenge for the past year! More people will say no than you expect. I think when it really comes down to it, some people will not buy plane tickets to Mexico and book the expensive hotel. It’s a pretty big commitment.
Post # 4
Can you expand the reception area? Surely the hotel wants more people…more people=more money =]. But no, i do not think you can go back on invitations. Is it possible these people *think* it’s a great idea and when the time comes, won’t have the money to pony up for flights and an exclusive resort stay?
Post # 5
i definitely had people whose address i asked for and then ended up not sending invites to. but it was around the holidays so maybe they thought it was for christmas cards or something (not that i did those either).
also i woudln’t count on replies from emails as for sure things. we had a bunch of people (at least 6 couples at this point) who told us they were definitely coming and then when it was finally time to send in the RSVP (now) they said no to our surprise. things happen – new jobs, babies etc. and people just change their mind – it seems like people don’t like to tell you immediately or directly that they are not coming.
also agree with other poster – only send physical save the dates to those you know for sure. one you send the STD, you have to send an invite. sending an email announcing your engagement and asking for an address does not obligate you.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t say there is a tasteful way out of this. You might need to consider changing the reception venue or having a conversation with the hotel and explain the situation. Overall, some of the barebones list may not be to make it once it comes time to book flights and hotels but you still need to plan for them.
Post # 7
Thanks, everyone! The resort re-confirmed a maximum capacity of 70 people. But, by the sound of your replies, we may be ok in the end.
Post # 8
I don’t think you will have a problem with a destination wedding. Lots of people want to come, but when it comes down to it can’t make it for whatever reason.
Post # 9
@kb027156: It is nerve wracking, but I think in the end your numbers will work out. Some of our RSVPs have surprised me. One good example is one of my Mom’s oldest friends. She has been telling my Mom for a year that she would not miss my wedding and would fly from Florida to Ohio for my wedding. Well, when push came to shove, she and her husband RSVPed that they wouldn’t be coming. So you just never know!