Post # 1
Let me start off by saying that I love my Fiance to death and I would never not want to marry him. With that being said, I am one more conversation away from calling off the whole big wedding and eloping. His step mom is an awful person (she tries to stir up drama in everything she does). I constantly get text messages from her asking if an exchange students sister can come to the wedding, or if so and so’s new gf can come to the wedding. I’m sorry but I had to cut friends from my list to accomodate her people and not everyone on our list gets a +1. We are also having no kids and she knows this but told another exchange student family that they can keep the baby out during the ceremony and then bring him in for the reception. Um…no. I was also told by her the other day that her brothers girl friend is on the top of the list to get added if someone says they aren’t coming. I had to explain to her that we invited 230 with the hopes of having under 180 attend. So no, the girl friend does not get to come if we have one rsvp come back no. And I think my friends should get to come over someone I have never met in my life (and my Fiance hates). I then saw on facebook yesterday that my FI’s aunt posted that she is looking for a date for our wedding. We are only inviting +1’s if they are married, engaged or in a committed, long term relationship (or if they wouldn’t know anyone). My uncles aren’t getting a +1 so she doesn’t either. She got really pissed.
I really wish people would step back for a second and realize this is our wedding, not theirs. They had their own and now it’s our turn. The hard part is, FI’s dad keeps telling me that if I don’t invite so and so, they aren’t paying (they are paying for the alcohol so it’s not that much…my parents are paying WAY more). My Fiance would rather us pay for his parents portion so that he can just not invite them. I am so frustrated right now and I don’t know how to handle this situation. Any suggestions how I should handle it? Should I let it go or talk to someone about it? Or am I being completely unreasonable? Thanks for letting me vent!
Post # 3
It’s not unreasonable!! Your Fiance is right…pay his parents portion yourselves and then you really have the power. It’ll be a lot smoother and they might even stop trying to invite everyone under the sun!
Post # 4
You are so not being unreasonable! I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your Fiance. Your family should be nothing but supportive, but it sounds like they’re causing nothing but drama. I kind of agree with your Fiance. At this point, it may be easier to cover his parents’ contribution to the wedding and thereby relieve them of any say. If they’re not paying, they can’t call the shots, and even though I’m sure they’re contribution would be really helpful, perhaps ending this drama is more important (and priceless!). I hope everything works out, and I’m sure your wedding will be amazing!
Post # 5
You are not being unreasonable. I think most of us run into this problem to some extent. If you can swing it, I definitely think you should pay his parents’ portion. Then, sit down and have a (hopefully) calm conversation with them about the realities of budget and how head count affects that. When it came time for invites to go out, a lot of people suddenly got added to a list that had been finalized months prior. When I explained that I had close friends I wasn’t inviting because of the budget (we paid for most of it), the parental units kind of backed off.
Post # 6
Don’t let anyone bully you in any way. They had their day, now this is your day. Dump them all and have a very small wedding, if necessary. But whatever you do, don’t feel bad about it later.
Post # 7
Wow, I’m really surprised at the behavior of your FI’s step-mother.
This may be out there, but I have a weird suggestion to keep people she’s invited from coming into your wedding if you don’t elope. If you prefigure out where everyone is sitting, you can put a place card with their table number on it IN their invitation and have them bring it to the wedding with them, kind of like their ticket to “get in” to the wedding. When they arrive for the wedding they’ve got to show ushers their card.
I know it might be sort of weird, I just remember a girl doing this because her Future Mother-In-Law kept inviting tons of strangers too.
Post # 8
I wouldnt take their money if they were trying to use it aganst me like that. Sorry they aare stressing you guys out like that….
Post # 9
I’m WITH YOU! Sometimes I just want to scream, “THIS IS MY WEDDING NOT YOURS!” (And then take a cheap shot about the duration of her marriage, but that would be really low.) to my Future Mother-In-Law. She paid for dance lessons for my Fiance and I and now keeps talking about how we better not “embarass her with fake dancing” at our wedding. WHAT?!?! It was all I could do yesterday not to say, “Here’s your money back, then.”
Hang it there!
Post # 10
Thanks ladies! I appreciate your comments. I had a chat with my family and they agree that this is our day. I am going to have a chat with his family and hold my ground and let them know that this is how it’s going to be and if they have an issue with it, fine. My mom has also volunteered herself to be on “J duty” at the wedding to run interference to keep her from causing drama. At my FI’s cousins wedding, she told the bride just before the wedding that her groom was at the bar. True statement…he was at the bar, getting a small salad and water because he was hung over still from his bachelor party and he thought he was going to pass out (I was with them so I know what was going on). The poor bride almost called off the wedding because she thought he was getting drunk at the bar. Step-mom knew he wasn’t drinking but decided to stir things up. I will not have that at my wedding and my mom will make sure of it! go mom! lol
Post # 11
@Mrs.SplatterPaint: I would hire a security guard or something so your mom can enjoy your wedding day.
Post # 12
You are NOT being unreasonable, they are. Next time Father-In-Law says that about paying, Fiance or you should say ‘Fine, don’t , we’ll pay for the alcohol and invite who we want’ maybe that will smack him back to reality so he sees that he’s being unreasonable and his demands won’t be met because you are paying for it.
Post # 13
I am in a similar situation. The only thing you can do is have a hostess at the door and make it clear on the RSVPs who in the household is invited. If someone tries to bring a guest, have the DOC/hostess stop them at the door. Seat charts and a hostess are your best defenses against unwanted guests.
Post # 14
You are not being unreasonable at all, and it sounds like you are very lucky to have parents and a Fiance as supportive as yours are being in this situation. Even if your FI’s parents are contributing to your wedding, it should be designed to be a gift, not a bargaining chip to allow them to invite whoever they want. She sounds absolutely poisonous and you’re doing the right thing by handling it and getting it under control now. Just get everything straightened out now to the best of your ability and make sure someone is on duty to watch her on your day so you don’t have to stress about it. Sorry you’re going through all this!