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As of right now, are you leaning more towards going or not going? It sure does sound like it will be a bit awkward, but would it be worse than spending the holiday all by yourself? Who knows, maybe it will end up being more entertaining that you realize!
I can understand wanting a low-key and stress-free holiday. If you are pretty sure you'll get neither by joining your FFIL and this couple for Thanksgiving, then I think you can easily bow out and opt to stay home. A 7-hour drive is pretty far and can justifiably be canceled.
However, if you really want to spend it with future family, then buck up and join him for the invite. You don't have to make a whole day of it, maybe just the afternoon (I'm sure they want to be in bed by 5 anyway - haha). It may not be the Thanksgiving you were hoping for, but it could be fun anyway. Even if the couple is boring, it's only a few hours and think of how happy you'll make them :-)
I'm not sure what advice to give you on your current situation..
BUT if you do decide not to go, maybe you could look in to volunteering at a soup kitchen so you aren't just home alone. You might still be surrounded by strangers but at least you would get warm fuzzy feelings :)
If neither of you wants to have dinner with this couple, then have him call them and say "I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Boring, but I talked with Coconut, and she's already made plans for us for the night. I hope you have a great holiday, and we'll catch up in a few weeks."
This situation sucks, but it does seem like you might be a bit over-stressed. What I would do is tell him that you were really looking forward to a low-key afternoon with people you know/love, but if he is worried about hurting their feelings maybe you could stop by for dessert and you'll bring a pie. Then tell him if he doesn't feel like going you don't mind being the "bad guy" and he can use you as an excuse.
oh also-- i think it is totally awesome that you are so close with your FFIL that you'd drive seven hours to spend thanksgiving with them without your FI! You are a very very lucky girl :)
Well it's something to do? How much livelier would it be with just you and FFIL? (Although maybe you don't want lively....) If it was me, I'd probably go. This couple might be old and boring, but with some compassion in mind, they are probably lonely and want to have a nice Thanksgiving.
However, if you really don't wnat to do it, I think you can some up with an excuse that doesn't make you look like a jerk. You could say that with a 7 hour drive that you really wanted to kind of veg and watch football or something. And that maybe you wouldn't ahve time to make anything etc.
Good luck
I think you're stressing over nothing...I think it would be a really nice thing to do on Thanksgiving, to go over to an older couple's house, they are probably pretty lonely and would enjoy some company...Isn't that what Thanksgiving's all about?
It's just a meal. You don't have to spend the entire day/evening with them. Just be sure to have 'plans' at a set time that get you out of there if you aren't enjoying yourselves.
If these people had been related to your FI, I think it would be a different story, but since your FI doesn't have a strong relationship with them, I don't think you're over-reacting at all. It's nice that your husband talks to them to keep them company, but I think it's unfair to ask you to spend Thanksgiving with them when you guys don't get to see each other that often. My husband and I LOVE Thanksgiving, and you know why? Because we always spend it at our house together, alone. It's the one holiday a year we really take the time to cook together, start planning for Christmas, enjoy a lovely meal together, etc. before the craziness of the rest of the holiday season. So I truly understand.
Personally, I would ask my FI to call them up and say what jhphi said: "Thank you guys so much for the invitation, but actually, my fiancee said that she's made plans for us since we don't get to see each other that often." If he feels extra guilty, maybe you two could bake a pie together that weekend, and stop by later in the weekend to drop it off, and only stay for a few minutes, and use the excuse, "Oh, we're on our way to such and such, but we wanted to drop by to say hello and wish you a happy holiday season!"
<<An old lonely couple in his town...>>
I haven't posted on this board in awhile, but felt compelled to respond because this hit home for me, and to be completely honest I think YOU are creating the complication and drama in a situation that would merit a little compassion and selflessness. When i think about my widowed grandmother in the last few years of her life before she passed I still to this day wonder if she was lonely. She lived alone, couldn't drive, couldn't read her books which was her lifes calling due to a previous stroke that had rendered her incabable of seeing. Her children lived in other states, her grandchildren were in college or too busy with their own lives to visit or call just to ask how she was (and yes, unfortunately, that included myself at the time). If she had reached out to a friend for some company on a holiday (or any other day for that matter), and in turn that friend reached out to another, I would pray to God that both would have the means to look past their own motivations to potentially provide a little companionship and warmth to someone not as fortunate (which is seems that you FFIL is indeed doing, as you said that he finds them "annoying" but continues to lend an ear anyway. Good for him).
You were asked to accompany your future family member to spend a little time with an "old lonely couple in his town" as you say on Thanksgiving day? Yet your first thoughts are worries about your "reputation" and cooking a hot meal for these folks?
I'm not telling you what to decide as it is your life, but I'm asking you to question your own motives and to think about the joy you could bring to this couple. Although small it seems in your eyes, could be a very meaningful gesture in theirs.
I, too, would look at this as a chance to do something good for someone less fortunate. After all, Thanksgiving is about being thankful for what we have, and what better way to celebrate that than giving something back!
I totally hear you. If it were me, however, I would go. They're old, they obviously care about your fi, and they want to include you guys in their holiday. You don't have stay the whole time, but I think it's a lovely gesture from them to invite you guys, and the whole day is about love and giving thanks, so I think it wouldn't hurt to suck it up and go for a while. Be gracious, you know? But that's what I would do. You are 100% entitled to go or not go! Your choice! Let us know what you decide :)
Just wanna throw out there that you don't actually have to cook, just swing by a store and pick up a pre made something. I think you should go. It would be very loving of you to do so.
If you were really going to drive the 7 hours anyway, I'd say go- you might enjoy yourself. But you are a better woman than me because i wouldn't have offered to drive 7 hours in the first place!
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I just got this news, and it's driving me batty. Honestly, if I'm just stressed/PMSing I need to know so that I don't start making phonecalls! I can come up with all kinds of justifications, but I need the straight truth.
FI and I are LDR. I couldn't afford to fly home this year, so I asked my FFIL if I could celebrate with him, a 7 hour drive away.
An old lonely couple in his town often call him to talk, and he listens to them. They annoy him, but he feels obligated. I have never met them. He took their call today and they asked if he was going to spend Thanksgiving with his family. He said, "No.", and they predictably asked him to spend it with them.
He then said (trying to politely decline) that I was coming to spend it with him, and they responded "She can come too!." He then said that he would "ask me" and that perhaps I would "cook something and bring it along."
When I first heard the story, I laughed because I couldn't believe the situations he gets himself into. But as the day has worn on, it's started to bother me.
I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place! If I say "yes", I'm annoyed that I'll spend Thanksgiving with total strangers who he tells me are very old and very boring. Awkward!! If I say "no,", I feel like my reputation will be sullied with people who've never met me! He passed the buck to me and now I have to deal with the drama?! And cook a casserole when I get there?!
I'm trying not to say much about my Thanksgiving family traditions/expectations so I don't color your judgement, but needless to say that if I wanted to drive that long to spend it with people I don't know, I might as well stay here.
I feel like I'm the bad guy no matter what I say or do! What the hell?! Work is so stressful and I just wanted something happy to look forward to, not something complicated and dramatic!!!! >(>( I feel like it's ruined!