Post # 1
So, I just got married 2 months ago, and I am completely in love with my husband. We’re still in that honeymoon phase in most aspects of our life. Except for one area…sex. Over the last several weeks, I’ve been so over-sensitive to every physical action he tries to take. To the point where, last night, I physically shivered and almost burst into tears because it made my skin feel so “icky”. It started with being physically uncomfortable when he kissed my neck. Now, it’s almost everything — when he caressed my legs I get physically uncomfortable and irritated; when he tries to kiss any part of my body, my first reaction is to pull away quickly because it just doesn’t feel good. Everything just makes me physically uncomfortable and irritated. But, I have no control over it. Or, if I do, I haven’t figured out how to control it and make it stop. The bright side is that there have been a couple of times over the last several weeks when haven’t had this reaction, so I keep thinking it will go back to normal. But it hasn’t. And, unfortunately, those couple of times when things seem okay don’t last long.
Does anyone else experience this problem? Please tell me I’m not alone…I’m going crazy with guilt!
Post # 3
I’ve not experienced the problem, but I’m sure you are not alone!
Have you tried initiating? Why don’t you go about touching him when you’re in the mood and he can just lay back and let you have at it. Then everything will be on your terms and you’ll be in control. I imagine that might help.
Post # 4
@jprado: I am VERY sensitive to touch. I don’t like it. I’m not affectionate; never have been, and I don’t foresee that changing..ever. However, DH understands that is ISN’T HIM, it is genuinely me. There are times (when I initiate sex) that it doesn’t bother me and I’m much more receptive to his touch/caress. You should definitely initiate it and see if that helps. DH is a very affectionate person, and will often want to play with my hair, rub my arm…but it literally feels like grating nails on a chalkboard to me. I don’t know why. I’ve ALWAYS been this way. You are not alone! PM me if you need anyone to talk to; I’m always here 😉 I don’t know if there is an actual condition that would cause this; I’ve never thought to look it up..I just assumed it was how I am. (However, I think my particular issues stem from a history of sexual abuse by a relative- I don’t know what could be causing your problem, if there IS a cause.)
Post # 5
Have you looked into switching bcp? (if relevant) I was on a bcp once that made hugging seem like the worst thing in the world. I have since switched and everything has been golden!
Post # 6
I have to suggest counseling. Sexual problems tend to be quite treatable in therapy. I’m sorry you are going thru this, it sounds awful.
Post # 7
Hey I used to get this often and get it every now and again. I think it is because I am SUPER sensitive. Physically I mean (emotionally too! ;p lol) but what I mean is…it’s like tickly or something. I’m not good with certain items of clothes touching my skin and irritating it and annoying it. I’m not too good with physical contact in general (cuddles from friends etc) and I think it is all linked; and sometimes I just can’t stand to be touched. What worked for me was being touched HARDER if that makes sense, so rather than a caress, a pat. Somethign definite. I don’t like the feather-light touches or hair stroking or knee rubs. I’d rather a firm pat on the bum. Even in bed, I generally prefer a hardertouch. This may help you? I find it not as icky and tickly and weird but nice and attractive.
How are you with girlfriends hugging you or, strangers touching you, or going to the hair dressers etc? I hate that kind of physical contact generally and I don’t go get my hair done or nails done coz of not liking being touched and I think it is linked too. Like a PP said, when I initiate it makes me feel better coz it is not unwelcomed if that makes sense.
I would talk about it with your husband and talk about maybe having harder touch sessions where you initiate. Luckily my fiancee is similar and so neither of us get too offended with shuddering/ wiggling away x
Post # 8
A quick google search comes up that it might be a mild form of social anxiety. You are hyper aware of everything around you, and thus touch becomes uncomfortable.
My solution, before seeking a medical doctor’s help would be to get a couple glasses of wine in you and see how it goes from there. You might just need to relax and shut down that part of your brain for a while.
Post # 9
Thank you all so much! Your advice about initiating more often has definitely helped, but there are still times when I just can’t be touched. But I just tell my hubby everytime that happens so we’re on the same page.
@mecattacow: the harder touching works for me, too! Both with his hands and kisses…the added pressure makes it less “icky” feeling. Thank you for that advice! 🙂
I hope y’all have having a great Monday and enjoy the rest of your week! Thanks, again!
Post # 10
@jprado I am so glad it helped! 🙂 I was a bit retisent about origninally posting my comment incase people thought i was referring to ‘roughness’, which is not what I meant. I more heavy touch makes me much more comfortable, so I am so happy it works for you too. Yay! 🙂
Enjoy your week too! It’s raining LOTS here in my part of the UK but works done and I’m home in my jammies awaiting the H2B and BIL2B! x