- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2017
It’s 2 years until the wedding and my grandma already causes wedding headaches, how stupid is that? Maybe I’m too emotional, but I just need to vent. This might be long. Sorry in advance for typos, I’m on my phone.
My grandma is Christian, not an active church-goer but still pretty religious, she does her prayers and “do not take the Lord’s name in vain” is something I’m used to hearing by now. She and her family more or less bullied grandpa into having a church wedding when all he wanted to do was going to the courthouse. This was 50 years ago, and he still resents it. He puts up with her though.
She bullied my parents into baptising me and my sister even though my parents are atheist, basically because my dad is a major doormat and couldn’t stand up for himself or my mom. Grandma got super pissed when all her grandchildren except me did the (Protestant) Communion at 14. I was already hardcore atheist by then, and I even dissented from the Swedish Protestant Church at 16 with the consent of my mom since I was underage (no church taxes from me!), which pissed grandma off even more.
She is very controlling, she makes all the important decisions for my grandpa and tries to do the same for all her relatives, especially us grandchildren – our education, where we live, our finances… She is from a noble family and while that doesn’t mean jack here in Sweden nowadays, she has a lot of money and is dead set on “proper behaviour” at dinners, for example.
FI feels very intimidated by her because of all this. He is reluctant on going to any family dinners and events for this very reason. I was raised like this (again, doormat dad lets Mommy dictate how to raise his kids) and I’m not like grandma despite of that, I’m with FI all the way. I still love her though. 🙂 She’s a wonderful person when her controlling side isn’t showing.
OK, to the point: I’m scared as hell to tell her that FI and I want a courthouse wedding. FI hates to be in the centre of attention, and we both want to be alone with two witnesses when we say our vows. We will, however, have a reception for family and friends the same day or a couple days after. (Yes, we’re planning already despite it being 2 years away, the reason for this is that we want to wait until we both have finished our Masters degree, and we can’t help being excited for getting married 😉 ) She also keeps asking us grandkids who are in a committed relationship “so, when are you getting married so I can get great-grandkids?” (as if you need to be married in 2014 to have kids…) and she’s not even joking. FI and I don’t even WANT kids. She will pester us endlessly when we’re married, I’m the first of her grandchildren to get married.
She’s not the person to throw fits, but she is very passive-agressive and controlling. What if she refuses to recognise our marriage because “it’s not real if it isn’t done before God” and even refuses to attend our reception? What if she talks other relatives into boycotting it (remember doormat dad and grandpa)? Am I silly for worrying about this years in advance? What do I say to her? Gaaah, I’m just being overly emotional, I guess. I needed to rant, sorry. Has anyone been in the same situation as me? How did you handle the situation? I really want her there because I love her. It sucks.