It's been over a week since the accident that changes our lives forever. Here are the things I have to be thankful for: His intracranial pressure is under control. His ead CTs show the injury beginning to heal. He got the surgery he needed on his broken leg. He came off of sedation today and I got to see him open his eye a bit and feel him squeeze my hand. Most of all, he is still alive.
But now that the terror is over and reality is setting in, I am feeling so, so angry. I'm angry that he has to be in pain. I'm angry that I won't have my husband back for a long time, if ever. I'm angry at the son of a bitch to did this to us. I'm angry that the money we will get from the insurance companies won't even cover his medical bills. I'm angry because I'm all alone. I'm angry at every driver I see doing something stupid. I am angry at people who I thought were my friends, who never offered to do so much as come and visit me while I am sitting in the hospital.
I miss my husband so much. All I want is for him to know that I am there and that I love him, and he can't show me that yet. It's just not fair.
I can't even imagine. I am so sorry. No one should ever, ever have to experience anything like this. I'm praying for both of you. If you need anything, you know we're all here for you.
I know I can't do anything to really help, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about everything that's happened to you and your husband. I hope he has a smooth recovery and that you find the resources you need to take care of yourself along the way. It's so not fair, and you have every right to feel angry. Hang in there!
:HUGS: I'm so so sorry that you're going through this. I can't even imagine what it must feel like, all different emotions running through. Your very strong and I pray that your husband makes a full recovery
I'm so sorry. :(
I got attacked by three guys on the street 10 years ago, and came away with an MTBI. I had a lot of anger for a long time, and fear too. It took a long time for both to go away... and my recovery was much much easier than Justin's.
I hope that you're able to talk to someone about all this! I didn't and in retrospect, it took me a lot longer to deal with the anger/fear than it would have otherwise.
Sending you all the love in the world... and wishing both you and Justin a healthy recovery!
Love,
Mr. Bee
I know nothing can be said to make it better, but know you have a whole lot of suppor there! Thinking of you and wishing you the best!!
Our hearts and prayers our with you. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I hope everything works out for the best.
I'm so glad he's coming around. I remember the first post and my heart dropped. Remember, at the end, you'll still have him.
With that said, anger is normal. My FIL was in a nearly deadly motorcyle accident last year which nearly killed him. We were relieved through the entire healing process, but we were furious at him and everyone involved for the accident, both rational and irrational factors. Be there for him and be supportive. Go see someone for counselling to help you resolve those feelings without taking it out on Mr. Macintosh.
Oh girl... I wish I could just give you a huge hug right now. And buy you a punching bag. I don't have a lot of experience with grief or loss (and I suspect what you are feeling right now is grief for your life before this accident), but from what I have observed, anger is a very, very common feeling. As to how to overcome it, all I can say is time, living in the present, and learning to be thankful for what you do have vs. what you have lost. And right now, a week after the accident, I don't think anyone expects you to be able to find your zen so if I were your friend, I would tell you to not hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. Your zen WILL come with time and as you and your husband work your way through this.
My heart is still, and always, with you.
I'm so sorry. It's not fair. You shouldn't have to live through that, and neither should your husband. You shouldn't have to go through all of the terror and anguish and financial burden and everything else. You two did nothing wrong. So yea... you have a right to be angry. Shitty shitty situation.
I am really glad to hear that he seems to be doing better. I remember your first post and at that point you thought there was almost no hope. Now there is a lot of hope, it seems, that there could be a recovery-- so that at least is amazing.
Once things are a bit more stable, a counselor would probably be a good idea to help work through your feelings about all this.
Also, on the financial side, I would consult a lawyer very soon about all of that. It seems insane to me that the insurance wouldn't cover the bills. I know that is probably the least important item on your list right now--- but before you make any decisions about settlement or anything--- please talk to an attorney and make sure you understand all of your rights.
I want to say I'm sorry, but I'm not sure how much my pity will help you right now.
I'm angry for you. I'm sad for you. I'm touched by your devotion to your husband, and I'm sending you all of my well wishes. I'm hopeful for a steady recovery. I understand frustration with friends who don't notice, or don't care enough to make you feel less alone.
Best wishes, to you, your husband, and your families. Take breaks when you need to. Fret when you need to. Cry when you need to. And laugh when you need to.
Macintosh,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. When you go through something that unfair and just plain awful, there is no good way to put it in perspective. I went through a terrible time a few years ago, and I hated it when people said, "everything happens for a reason." Because, as you know, sometimes life sucks, and there is no good reason behind things happening- things just happen. I too was extremely angry. It is normal to feel that way, but remember in this trying time to take some time to focus on yourself and your needs. Maybe seeing a counselor would help, or taking walks, or writing in a journal (or here!), or something else.
Please know that I am thinking about you. I'm so glad that your husband has shown such resilience and strength as he has undergone the procedures, and I hope that in time he will make a full recovery.
@CorgiTales: +1
oh honey, you have every right to feel all of these feelings. It's absolutely not fair. I wish I had all the right words to say to you :( But absolutely look into Corgi's advice and look into lawyers - it's unfathomable that on top of having this happen to your lives that you should be stuck with any bills in this situation.
And as much as counseling gets thrown around on the Bee, you should definitely have someone to talk to down the road. You're going through so many emotions - this is so much for one person to handle.
Continuing to send all the best for your husband's recovery!
I would be angry too. I would be stark raving mad. People do stupid things and put others in danger and the price you and your husband are paying is far beyond what anyone should ever live through. But I am so, so, so glad that Justin is doing better and I hope each day brings more and more good news. xo
This summer my mom was in the ICU for many weeks, had many surgeries, and we had no idea if she would pull through. She was in an out of an induced coma/sleep, on many machines, and it was terrifying.
Getting angry helped, and this sounds crazy, but it was a relief from feeling sad or scared or wanting to cry and scream daily. So I got angry! It is almost a defense from the overwheming sadness. It was easier yo see her when I was angry because I didn't want her or my family to see me crying, you know?
Please take care of yourself, and know our thoughts and prayers are with you!
This is a completly normal reaction. Your allowed to be angry, mad, sad, etc. Your allowed to feel anything you want to feel.
Are there any counselors available at the hospital? I work on a floor at the hospital that takes care of patients after traumatic accidents, spinal cords, brain injuries, etc and we have 2 counselors available for both the patient and families. Ask to speak to a social worker, they should be able to put you in touch with one.
Hugs
I have been thinking about you all week. I am SO mad for you, I am so SAD for you. I want to cry and scream. I know this has to be the hardest thing you have ever gone through. :( Major internet hugs. I just wish I was there for you in person!
I am sorry that you are going through this. I can't even imagine what it's like. Just know that whatever you are feeling is perfectly alright. I'm keeping you both in my thoughts.
Your post completely brought me to tears.
I have so much hope for you, and my FI and I both have been praying for the two of you.
I'm so incredibly happy that your husband has woken up, though, and that he was able to squeeze your hand. I hope he continues to show progress.
I think it's completely understandable to be angry right now. I think you'll be experiencing a whole whirlwind of emotions by the time this is over. Hang in there, we love you. <3
I think given what you have been going through your reasons for being angry are valid. You can vent any time you need to. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am sorry that your friends have let you down by not being there for you and I am sorry you feel alone. But happy to hear of your husbands progress. This is going to be a long road but I am hopeful for you. Channel all that anger into motivation to help your husband with his recovery. Hugs
your anger is completly understandable and you have every right to be pissed off at the world in general. you are so strong and your husband is very very lucky to have you by his side. hell im angry for you and sad that this happened to your family. keep your chin up hun things are looking up
my thoughts are (and have been) with you and justin hoping for for a fast and full recovery
Be angry right now! Don't hold it inside. Scream at things, try not to be too mean to people, but it's understandable if you do. Punch, scream, cry, be angry at god. So many times in life we have to go through things rather than around them. You'll see that eventually the anger will release you.
@Macintosh: Firsts of all congratulations, you are right where you are supposed to be.
I can completely feel for you, I was in your situation 2 years ago. My SO was in a motorcycle accident and the doctors gave him a 20% chance to live. I was at that hospital day and night just sitting with him and talking to him while he was in a sleep induced coma. I would just sit for hours and like you I had no one to talk to except this one lady who became a very good friend because of our talks. Through it all I had faith that my SO would come home to me and our puppy.
So here we are two years later and life will never be back to the way it was pre accident, and we accepted it and moved on. It took a while for him to make his recovery thus far. So if you ever need to talk to someone please PM me and I would be happy to give you my number.
and just so you understand my first sentence, there are 5 phases of grief and loss,
1-denial
2- anger
3-bargaining
4- depression
5-acceptance
so that is why I said congratulations, you are on your road to recovery, and soon Justin will.
again if you need someone to talk to please let me know, I am available day or night. Have faith!
I am so sorry you're dealing with this alone. I know it's not much, but we will always be here for you no matter what. You can PM me any time you feel the need to vent, cry, etc. Hang in there. Justin knows you love him and will always stand by your side. Many, many hugs to you.
I'm not sure if this is possible, but is there a way to start a donations page? We could create something to help with the medical bills? I don't know how it all really works, but it's worth a shot!
Macintosh, you and your husband are in my prayers!
Sending more hugs and support to you and your husband, Macintosh.
Harley1313 has some really good advice, as does CorgiTales. Keep updating us on your condition (and your husband's condition!) when possible and we'll all certainly continue keeping you both in our thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry. Please, BE ANGRY for all of those reasons! You are right, both of you are dealing with something that NO ONE should have to deal with. Yell at your friends who weren't and aren't there for you; they deserve and should know this (within reason).
But, please please PLEASE do not lose your FAITH. This journey must be unbearable, and I cannot imagine. But, your husband is still alive. Stay strong for him, your family and, most importantly, yourself. You are beautiful, loving and so admirable. Please continue to stay strong, but also take time to grieve. We are all thinking, praying, hoping, loving....and everything else for you. The bee is behind you. xo
Oh my goodness!! First of all that is amazing news about Justin. Wow, he actually squeezed your hand. I am in tears of happiness for you.
You have every right to be angry. Furious even. All of what you listed and, unfortunately, some issues that I'm sure are ahead, are completely shitty. My heart bleeds and rages for you. ((Hugs)) We are all here for you.
@Macintosh: I am so sorry for what you are going through. My dad was in a very severe motorcycle accident, he broke 54 bones and he was in a coma for 6 days. The doctors said there was no hope, he would mostly likely have severe brain damage and never walk again. The recovery process was VERY long and hard but he is now 55, healthy, an engineer, and runs a 7 minute mile. These next years will be hard but NEVER give up hope. I will be praying for you and justin.
Firstly I am so happy that your husband opened his eyes and sqeezed your hand that is such hopeful news!
And you have ever right to be fuming over what has happened, it's terrible and I wish you were not going through all this pain <3 You have uss all here for you whenever you need uss and I'm so sorry your friends are not giving you both any support thats awful!
<3 xxx
All of these feelings of anger are justified, and expected. In time, the anger will lessen and you and Justin will move past it, but it'll never be forgotten, and you'll always have a twinge of anger when something reminds you of this horrible, horrible experience. This is a truly devastating experience. I'm so sorry your friends haven't been able to be there with you. I just wish there was something I could do, other than hope and pray for the best possible outcome.
Anyone would be furious. Your right to be angry is absolute. Perhaps it's time to talk to someone more expert than us Bees. Well, some Bees really are experts, but they aren't there.
The hospital social worker should have contacted you. They are trained to deal with exactly what you are feeling. I hope you find one who is a good fit for you.
Thanks to everyone for responding. I am fortunate that my mother thought quickly and has already contacted an attorney already. He is experienced, and from what he has told us all I will get is the maximum of my underinsured motorist coverage on my car insurance after attorney fees. Depending on how long Justin needs care, the bills could exceed that by a lot.
I am already working on getting into counseling. My mother is actually a psychologist, so I'm not afraid to ask for help. I happen to know someone who works in the psychiatric department of the hospital Jusin is in and she gave me a referral.
Finally, Justin is not really awake, at least the nurses don't believe he can respond to commands like he would if he was more awake. When he came out of sedation, one eye opened a bit on the left side. I sat next to his bed on the left side for a long time looking into his eye, asking him to sqeeze my hand, and trying to show him pictures of his family members. Sometimes he would sqeeze when I asked, sometimes not, and sometimes it felt like he was trying, but just coudn't sqeeze. When he did squeeze he was strong.
I honestly feel like he can see me, and I see pain in his eye. He may also be reacting to my voice or my touch, it's just hard to tell. I am hoping I know more today after his next neuro exam. At the very least I know he can feel me and I think he knows who I am. His vision is terrible and his glasses broke in the accident so it would be hard for him to see anything. I found his extra pair of glasses to bring to the hospital today and I hope he will need them soon.
@Macintosh: Was the person who hit him uninsured? If so his insurance should be primary, with your U coverage as excess. You should be able to get his entire limits for Justin.
@Macintosh: Feel free to come here and rant/vent/rage all you want. This isn't fair to you or Justin, and you have every right to be angry.
It sounds like you are taking steps to take care of yourself, too, which is so good to know.
@tiedtogetherwithasmile: I googled this. There's a lot of online sites, but I have no idea which ones are trustworthy. Anyone know more about raising money?
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. You have every right to be and I hope that the jerk that caused this accident pays.
But I am also thankful that Justin is still alive and he was able to squeeze your hand. We are all here for you and praying that he makes a full recovery.
I'm so sorry but I'm glad that he is improving.
Has your lawyer looked into going after the other motorist for the rest of the money?
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