overdone thank you?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

amRN:  Did she *really* come across as rude?  Or do you think she was trying to tell you that your gratitude was unneccesary– not gratitude, but multiple cards….?

She wouldn’t be sending gifts if she didn’t want to– I know plenty of people that would say one gift is enough– even if they were invited to multiple showers.

I honestly can’t imagine someone being upset or angry over someone showing theirs thanks.

 

Maybe you can send her a note for this last brunch, and tell her “I know you said no more thank yous, but I feel so fortunate/blessed/your choice of word, and want everyone to know just how thankful I am for thier thoughtfulness”

That wording isn’t choice (I’m not on the ball at the moment)– but you get the idea!

 

Post # 3
Member
3934 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

amRN:   Wow, that’s a first for me.  I thought a thank you note was absolutely proper after one receives a gift or someone goes out of their way for you in some manner.   I have never heard of an overdone thank you before.  

Post # 4
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think she’s saying she knows you’re grateful and appreciates your gratitude, and from here on out you can save a little time and don’t fuss with the card.

Post # 6
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

amRN:  Were you sending cards for gifts only or also just attendance? I would have sent “thank you”s for the gifts, but not just “Thank you for coming to lunch yesterday.”

Post # 8
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

amRN:  The *really*— perhaps italics would have been more appropriate– was simply me asking wondering/asking if perhaps you misinterpreted the situation.  It’s not like that would be a first for someone– feeling like someone came across the way they didn’t intend to– as apparently I have done towards you.

 

I know I have certainly had it happen to me before-  and yep, if someone said please stop sending me thank yous– I know it would throw me off guard to the point where I might not understand.  

I don’t see anything wrong with what you are doing– which likely just means you and your future aunt-in-law have different expectations or etiquette.

Post # 9
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would also think she wants to tell you that you don’t have to send her ten thank you notes because etiquette may require you to do so as she knows you’re being gracious. 

Maybe she said it in an off-putting kind of tone because she was “pretending to be strict” I can’t put it into words well, but I wouldn’t think she meant it in a rude way at all.  

Post # 11
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

amRN:  She was rude.  There is nothing wrong with expressing gratitude.

However, I do hope you are not inviting the same guests to multiple showers. That is also very rude.

Post # 13
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I know your feeling, girl. I had 3 showers too. I actually did the opposite of this– I asked my mom if it was okay if I didn’t send her a thank you card from the last shower. Three thank you cards for virtually the same thing from her own daughter was definitely a bit much. But yeah, it’s really weird for someone to rudely tell you to stop sending cards.

Post # 15
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

amRN:  I get you completely and I totally understand you. I just meant to say I’m sure she didn’t mean it in a bad way. She probably thought you had so much on your mind already and she KNOWS you appreciate everything she does even without all the TY notes so she wanted to be nice and say: You don’t have to send another card, I still know you are greatful.

I’m sure she only said so to give you LESS effort, had she known it would bother you so much, I’m sure she would have been glad even with double the amount of cards. Just accept it as a different person, different opinion and don’t stress about it 🙂

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