Post # 1
They didn’t know I heard them and they weren’t being bitchy or gossipy. They were talking as if they were concerned about my recent weight gain. One of them even said “I know, I thought maybe she was pregnant but that was months ago and she’s obviously not pregnant.” I wanted to die. I could see it….I was just hoping nobody else would notice the weight gain – but of course they did. How could they not?
I’m 5’6 and 160lbs (I might be 165 but I’ve stayed away from scales)
I’m normally at 125-130lbs but the last year I have packed it on, mostly in the last 6-8 months. The wedding is just in a few weeks and I’ll be walking down the aisle the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’m 31 and struggled with anorexia from about 17-24. I’ve yet to maintain a healthy relationship to food and though I am in the most amazing relationship of my life – I’ve got a lot of stressors.
Our apartment/landlords have been hell these last 8-10 months, money is tight, my job (that I once loved for years) is now run by the kind of dickhead bosses you only see in the movies and my father (who lives on the other side of the world) is sick and I’m the only family he has. I worry about him constantly and how I can take care of him. I turned to food. Though this time it’s not restricting it, like I used to. Stress used to bring me down to 105 but now I can’t control myself with food and I use it to cloud out the stressfull thoughts.
I understand 160 at 5’6 isn’t that heavy but my body image is in the shitter and I feel so guilty for saying this (because it should be the last thing on my mind) but I’m afraid I’ll hate the way I look and feel on my wedding day. A photographer that’s costing us 3K and I’ll probably loath the very sight of me in photos forever.
Just having a very rough day – could use the words of wisdom from the bees.
Post # 3
That is really hard. I have gained about ten pounds in the last five or so years, and I hate it. I hate looking in the mirror and weighing myself and I hate even caring. I am 5’2″ and chunky so ten pounds is far more obvious on me than taller people. UGH.
Why do we have to care about things like this?????
For you…damn girl I don’t know. *hugs* Do you feel comfortable in your dress? Do you like your dress?
Post # 4
Two weeks isn’t enough time to change your body. But it is enough time to light the fire about changing the way you percieve yourself. Weight doesn’t have to determine how you feel about yourself. You deserve to feel as beautiful as you are, and beauty isn’t tied to your weight.
I understand your feeling, for sure. I have had some pretty bad disordered eating problems in the past, including a very long stint in outpatient therapy, lots of monthly weigh-ins with my family doctor, and other horrible humiliating things. After an injury this summer and the subsequent surgeries, I’ve also gained about thirty pounds – and I’m much shorter than you are (5’2″). It sucks. I hate it. I’m working on losing it. But I am trying to love myself at this weight because I keep reminding myself that even when I was thirty pounds lighter, I still didn’t love myself. So getting back there won’t magically fix things. I have to learn to do more than just accept myself at this weight – I have to love myself at any weight.
Post # 5
Yes – I love my dress and it actually manages to make me look thinner than I am. It’s really flattering. But all I can think about is how much better it would have looked if I had just kept my eating under control. It’s a small wedding and most people have not seen me in a year. So my weight gain will be noticeable to them. It’s just embarassing.
A year a go I could have felt AMAZING about the way I look in my dress – now I only feel so so. I just feel like I really blew it.
Post # 6
@FleeSircus: I’m really sorry that happened. I know this is easier said then done but You need to just practice love and compassion for yourself. You gained weight- it’s not a sin, it’s SO easy to do, it’s not the end of the world- most of us struggle with weight. Your worth is not your weight. Really. And youre getting married! So clearly he appreciates and loves you for who you are which is NOT your pants size.
For the next weeks I just urge you to be really kind to yourself- don’t dwell on negative thought patterns. Get your blood moving with exercise. Find time to call a friend or do whatever it is you do to unwind.
Post wedding you might benefit seeing a therapist who specializes in ED to unpack your relationship with food, and give you the tools to untie your emotions from your caloric intake (binging or restriction) and get yourself to happy healthy moderate habits.
You have ALL my sympathy and goodvibes and all that. Take care!
Post # 7
I am sure it really hurts to hear those words. It sucks, but those types of conversations happen ALL THE TIME. If I noticed a coworker gained 30-40 pounds, I would probably mention it to another coworker. Not in a judgey way, but more of a concerned way.
I am sure you will look gorgeous on your wedding and I agree you height and weight ratio isn’t super heavy by any means.
Post # 8
We are the same height and I have gone up my highest at 158 in the past and my lowest is 124 however my normal weight is about 130. I felt awful about myself at 158, I hated how I looked and felt however I will say this. I am the ONLY one who thought I looked bad. I am more than positive you look beautiful as well. It is really hard as we are used to beating ourselves up over this type of thing. However, keep in mind as you said you friends were not trying to be hurtful they’re genuinly concerned for you. And it sounds like they should be you have a lot riding on your shoulders. I would turn this into a positive thing. You have amazing friends, I would die to have friends like that at work because truthfully I dont. Turn to them and confide in them speaking about your stress with someone can really help. Maybe you all can work on a healthy stress outlet like a fun exercise class together. However, in the time being, enjoy your life get married and be confident you have someone who loves you no matter what and that is something to be thankful for 🙂 best of luck and I will be thinking about you!
Post # 9
Please don’t stress.. I’m 5’6 and currently around 150lbs. Like you, it might be 5 or 6 more than that but I, too, have been avoiding the scale. Please know that you most certainly don’t look pregnant. That must’ve been very hard to hear.
When we’re in relationships and we put on a little weight, I think it’s probably natural that the first thought is ‘maybe she’s pregnant!’… I’m sure she didn’t mean that you look like you have a big baby belly, maybe just that your boobs have gotten a bit bigger and you’ve gotten a little curvier.
It happens to us all. At 5’6, 160 pounds isn’t overweight! If anything, that’s most likely a nice healthy weight for a woman our height. (I say this, even as we are both unhappy at our current weights!) But perhaps if we remind ourselves enough, we’ll believe it! We are so used to seeing such skinny stick women in magazines, but most of the men I know prefer a woman with curves rather than ultra skinny. Every time I put myself down, my FI is quick to tell me I’m wrong and how much he loves that my boobs are bigger and that he doesnt see a difference (My lightest however was 139 – except during a major anxiety attack where I dropped to 130 in a week)
Find something to wear that makes you feel confidant and pretty… do you hair and make up and have some sexy time with your fiance and let him remind you how sexy and beautiful you are.
I just want to reiterate – your friends care about you, you said they were talking about you more out of concern than anything else right? I’m sure it’s not that they think you look bad, more so perhaps concerned that you are stressed or feeling anxious and this is just the result… I rambled a lot there, but hope it helps
Post # 10
I’ve always gone by the saying “What other people think of you is none of your business” And I think a lot of people would benefit from that.
It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of how you look but your SO and yourself! And I would never go by numbers on the scale 160 on someone could look big, or it could look super skinny it is all about muscle/fat, how you are proportioned etc.
Go by how your clothes fit and how you FEEL.
Post # 11
Thank you guys so much for your kind words. I know I need to lose weight not just for looks but because at this weight I just feel out of shape and dragged down. My FI comforted me last night after I told him what happened “So you gained a little bit of weight! You still look great, I’m sorry you had to hear that.” Even just hearing him acknowledge that I gained weight was difficult.
Weight has always been my hot topic since I was young. Weight was always talked about in our house. Mom was too big, dad wanted us to be thin. It’s just a neverending cycle and I think I need to get myself back into therapy. I just want to be able to look at food as food – not this powerful THING I have to either lean on or run away from.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
I am probably about 10-15 pounds heavierthan I wantto be, and I was the same weight at my wedding as I am now… Therefore I was the heaviest Ive ever been at my wedding..
If I may say so, I looked freakin’ fab, and you will too!! You said yourself your dress is flattering, and if you let go of your worry and just let yourself shine from the love on that day, trust me you wont hate your pics!! I am sure you’re going to be stuuunnniiinngg 🙂 Think it, say it, live it, feel it!
My other big insecurity is my teeth, they are a bit crooked as my mouth is crowded. Most pictures I do a closed mouth smile. But for my wedding day I put it out of my mind, smiled my real genuine smile all day (I could not have stopped if I tried) and none of my pictures, to me, showcase my teeth looking crooked. Your pics will turn out great, and you’re going to look beautiful 🙂
Post # 13
Thanks very much.
I really want to enjoy the wedding day. My mom was kind enough to pull out all the stops for us and I’m getting married to a wonderful man. The last thing I want to be worrying about is “are my arms looking fat in this picture as we cut the cake?” I’d like to think that my life isn’t centered around such selfish thoughts.
Luckily the mermaid dress I have has a way of making my curves look good instead of just….fat. I think I’ll be ok. I just really need to get myself out of this slump and, as another pp said, be good to myself.
Post # 14
Ugh, I’m really sorry!! Regardless of what they said, you need to make sure you are healthy. Are you binging? If you still feel like you have an unhealthy relationship with food, how about therapy with someone who is specifically trained in eating disorders? This helped me a lot when I was struggling with these issues in college. Good luck, and remember that your husband will think you are the most beautiful woman in the world when he sees you on your wedding day 🙂
Post # 15
@RunnerBride13: It’s eating snacks whenever I have a stressful thought (which is often) and then about every 4th day or so I restrict heavily for the day and go nuts either that night or the next day. It’s very unhealthy patterns of eating.
I’m looking into ED specialists here in NYC right now.
Post # 16
@FleeSircus: Might be good to see if there are any ED hotlines in the area that you can call up for some tips and guidance – nothing wrong with that!
They may be able to reccomend a good specialist, or at least give you a comprehensive list.
And honestly, at least you’re AWARE of your own body. I think that’s a HUGE first step.
And as long as you have fun at your wedding and marry this great-sounding guy, then the weight is insignificant.
You are what you are, when you are – you can change it, but it ALWAYS takes time no matter what it is (personality, weight, personal style – whatever it is) So cut yourself some slack and know that just taking the first steps deserves some major credit.
And, BTW – I think a mermaid dress is going to look hella sexy on you! 🙂