Post # 1
Hi Everyone! I was hoping I could get some advice, or any similar stories that may give me some consolation in that I’m not the only one going through this. Financially, my parents are helping my FI and I pay for our wedding (my FI’s parents are not as financially “flexible” as mine). My FI and I come from different income brackets, so his family is much more conservative than my parents. My parents are expecting a lavish wedding whereas his family cannot fathom us spending the average cost of a 100+ guest wedding (20-30K). Being that it will be a Korean style wedding, it will be a dinner-and-go reception (I’m assuming). I agree with my parents that I don’t want to have a bare-looking wedding (even if it’s going to be just a dinner-and-go party), but at the same time, I understand where my FI’s parents are coming from.
Anyhow, since I am planning the entire wedding alone (and it has not been as fun as I’d hoped it would be), I feel even more discouraged in my pursuits of finding vendors when everytime I meet with a vendor, I am asked how much it costs by my FMIL and FSIL, needless to say the constant “that’s expensive” badgers that always follows. I try to be as patient and polite about it as possible, but is it really necessary to hear their verbal contributions when they are not pitching in a penny toward the wedding?
Are there any bees out there who are experiencing something similar? How did you handle it?
Post # 3
Honestly, just don’t share the details. If they are not paying for it there is no need for them to know. Just say that it was a reasonable price and everything is all set.
Post # 4
I’m confused – why are you telling them the cost if they aren’t contributing financially? If they ask the cost, I would just say something like “Oh, it’s within our budget” and leave it at that. Then, change the topic to some other detail (color scheme, some idea you had, etc). Eventually they will stop asking.
Post # 5
I must agree with the other gals. If they aren’t writing the check, all you need to tell them in reference to cost is “reasonable” or “within our budget.” There is absolutely no need for them to inquire about the cost of things. In my experience, it was much easier to just withhold details from people who I knew would be difficult.
Post # 6
My FILs are very open about discussing figures among each other (how much she spent for her wedding, how much they got for a purchase, or a service, etc.), but I guess I’m confusing etiquette with honesty…
Post # 7
I would not discuss how much things cost with them. If your parents are paying and they like to keep that type of information private, I think it’s best to not discuss costs with them.
Post # 8
While your in-laws shouldn’t be asking the price since they are not contributing financially, you are doing this to yourself if you keep telling them the price. Next time, tell them that you don’t remember or don’t have it in front of you, or whatever, but defuse the conversation by not telling them. Eventually, they may pick up on the fact that they shouldn’t ask. But you are adding to the fire by telling them.
Post # 9
Ooh I know how you feel. My parents are very generously funding my wedding at a fabulous venue and my FILs keep commenting to what seems like EVERYONE about how expensive our wedding is. It drives me crazy!!
I agree with what everyone before me said in that, don’t tell them the numbers! It’s none of their business. If they ask, just say “Hmm, I’m not sure” or “I’m looking at a few options” or “Don’t worry about it” *with a smile of course*
And make sure your FI is on the same page so they don’t start badgering him about prices.