Overthinking things? First post btw!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I would bring it up again and make sure you’re on the same page. After dating for a few years, and him being in his 30s, surely he can put on his big boy pants and give you an honest answer by now! If he doesn’t give an honest answer or keeps skirting around the issue, I think you have your answer. I wouldn’t spend more time with him hoping to change him. Hopefully he does want to marry, but I would definitely ask him about it directly. No sense in guessing/hoping.

Post # 4
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Marriage was never important to me, either. I got married, I love my husband dearly, and I would marry him every day of my life. Just because marriage isn’t top priority on someone’s list doesn’t mean they won’t do it and won’t be overwhelmingly happy to be with that person.


Post # 5
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Briar_Jupiterglimmer:  Well, I know a few guys who aren’t really interested in marriage. One just got married last year because it’s what his wife wanted. It can be a tough situation for a woman (who wants marriage) to be with a man who doesn’t, and it can be a tough situation for a man (who doesn’t want marriage) to be with a woman who does. There has to be compromise at some point or the relationship will end.

If your SO loves you and wants to be with you and make you happy, he may marry you because it’s what YOU want, not because it’s what HE wants. If he see’s being with you as something more imporant than his feelings towards marriage, then that’s his compromise.

Post # 6
1360 posts
Bumble bee

My SO doesn’t necessarily want to get married. He doesn’t NOT want to get married, he just doesn’t understand the point since we are already 110% committed to each other, live together, share everything, etc. A big thing for him is that he doesn’t want a wedding (doesn’t like big celebrations with lots of people – I’m the same!) but feels like we have to have one because otherwise his family would “kill” him. 

Anyways, he knows that it’s important to me and he told me that by next March we’d be engaged! 

I think the main issue for you is to figure out if he just neutral about marriage or if he’s actually against it (it sounds like he’s the former). Also if he’s going to take it seriously for you, whether or not he finds it important. I don’t care that my SO isn’t going to be as excited as I am, but I would be pissed if he acted like marriage wasn’t important knowing what it means to me. You don’t want to feel like you’re forcing anything on him. 

Oh and, welcome to the Bee! 🙂

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