Post # 1
Oh my. FI and I just got back from vacation today, and earlier in the week I posted about how we visited a resort in FL for vacation and we had an appointment to look at the wedding venue there. Well…after the appointment and a lot of discussion, we realized that this venue might be better for us to honeymoon at and not bring our family to for a wedding. Expenses and worry about travel makes it hard for us to commit right now. We are not ruling it out completely, but we are just very unsure. And being unsure about a destination wedding after being to the actual destination for a week makes us a little scared….
Then when we got back to our house earlier today, we found that his cousin that lived with us for over a year had moved out. Like….all his stuff was gone and there was a note on the counter. It was pretty vague…I mean, we knew he was leaving in the next few weeks, but we didn’t expect him to just…vanish. After a year, we had all been getting kinda tense around each other b/c he was in an awkward spot living with a couple and we were sort of feeling like it was time to have our house to ourselves again, but we still now really feel awkward about it, and I think FI is avoiding talking to me about it because he thinks all of it is my fault. I think the root of the problem is that his family does not communicate, but I can’t really do anything about that. I just now feel really, really awkward and strange about it. I mean…he waited till we were gone for a week and then left. Kind of awkward to come back to.
To top it off, I just got my period, which means I need to schedule a 2nd ultrasound ASAP for my ovarian cysts, because 2 months ago when I was diagnosed, they said I need to go back in 2 cycles for another ultrasound to see what we are going to do about them. This means on top of having to literally start all over again with wedding planning, feeling like a huge a** about the cousin, I now have to ask work for a little more time off to take care of this ultrasound. Oh…and my mom and I had a spat a few hours ago over the wedding venue let-down when we met to get our dog (my parents watched him for the week), so I still feel sort of guilty about that.
I just don’t even know what to think right now! So much happened today. I went from having a great vacation to not even knowing what to feel. Ever feel like you just dont’ know how you are supposed to feel? I hate it! I don’t even know where to start. FI and I want to contact his cousin and make sure everything is alright, but what can we even say!? I want to start touring wedding venues around our town, but my heart is at the oceanside venue, where we toured. I don’t want to know what my cysts are doing because they hurt and I’m afraid they have gotten bigger, and I don’t want to fight with my mother!
Post # 3
Sounds like you’re dealing with a lot. Just take a deep breath.
If you’re aren’t sure about doing a DW after visiting, don’t do it. Have a local wedding.
The cousin. . I’d call and just joke about the way he left. Ask him if the cops are after him or if he stole my million dollars that was in the couch cushion. Just enough to break the ice and figure out whats going on.
Go to the doctor. Figure out what’s going on. If you don’t have your health, you can’t work. Be proactive. Be preventive.
Don’t worry. Mothers love us even when we fight with them. Get a good night’s sleep and realize everything is okay.
Post # 4
Aww I’m sorry that things are crazy!
Its one of those times where it feels like everything is crashing down and you just wish you could catch a break!
First things, first- take care of you ultrasound! Cysts and things can mess with hormones, making things even more dramatic 😉 And you want to be in good health for your wedding 🙂
Don’t worry bout your Mom, thats what their here for! We can have spats and craziness, but at the end of the day they love you and want the best for you.
I’m sure things will work out with your cousin and their arent any hard feelings. There is a season for everything and it seems like his was ending in relation to his time spent with yall.
Where abouts in Florida is your dream DW?
Post # 5
I’m so sorry you’re so overwhelmed. Here’s what you do:
1. Take care of yourself. Take time off work, get the ultrasound, rest, and get better. Keep it simple, try to go at the beginning or end of a busy day so that no one at work is left hanging, do your best and then don’t worry about what anyone at work thinks. Your health comes first. If you’re not healthy, how are you supposed to work?
2. Do what you and FI think is best for your wedding. Unless others are paying, it is up to the both of you and isn’t open for discussion, though it is merely a courtesy that you include others, including parents. If parents are helping out, then find the right time for everyone to sit down and have that discussion and don’t let them reel you into it when you’re just stopping by (to get the dog or whatever.) Be prepared for those kinds of confrontations and discuss when you are ready.
3. Send a quick email to the cousin citing your concern, and then forget about him. He chose to leave while you and FI were gone, increasing the awkward factor by about 1000%. If FI thinks you were responsible for making cousin leave somehow, have FI wait a few months and see if he prefers living with his cousin or without. I guarantee he’ll be happier without the cousin around. (I was in a similar situation with my FI and his best friend who was living with him and totally changing the dynamics of his household for the worse. FI tried to pin it on me even though he stated it was time for his friend to get his own place, too. FI will never admit it, but it is clear everyone is better off now that his friend has his own place.)
Post # 6
@Eva Peron: South Seas, on Captiva Island. We always vacation there and LOVE IT. But it might be a better honeymoon site than DW…since we are worried about the expense for others and a few other things. Am desperate to find a person that either got married there or is a current bride there just to see what their experience is/was like, since it is a remote place. Ever been?
I can’t believe these little cysts make me so hormonal, but it is true! I am praying that there are no hard feelings with the cousin, since he means a lot to FI and I don’t want anyone upset at each other.
@HawaiiBamaBride: Thank you 🙂 Am currently taking a big breath and finding my prescription from the doctor to call first thing Monday for the dang ultrasound. I know I have to do it but I am oddly angry at my body for growing these. It could be worse though, and I am thankful I have the means to take care of it.
Post # 7
@Cornflakegirl: AGH! ROOMMATES! I know I had a little to do with it, but I was not the sole reason. I dont’ need FI to pin the fact that his family CANNOT communicate on me.
I really hope you are right, and I suspect you are, that he will eventually realize that after a year, it is time that we get back to the dynamic that we create together, since we are in the stage of our relationship where we need to be creating the life we are going to have together, since we, uh, are getting married someday. (Did I make sense there? I hope so.) I didn’t think of it in terms of him choosing to leave while we were gone….he could have told us both he was leaving and then chose to leave at a time where we were home. I actually got the heads up that he was leaving soon from his girlfriend. He never actually said anything to me. I think he vaugely mumbled something to FI about it but never gave him an outright date/time. We would have discouraged this if at all possible….
I hate stickly living situations. Thank you for relating. 🙂 Sometimes I would forget that we were not the only ones not in an ideal living situation at times, nor were we not the only ones ever to experience something like this.