(Closed) Overwhelmed with costs….

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I felt so guilty for the money my parents spent on our wedding – and 10 months later we still thank them for it anytime our wedding comes up. I don’t think there is any way to show how greatful we were so we bought them a trip to charleston to stay at this cute b&b in the historic district – it was the least we could do and in no way did it show how thankful we really were.

i think as a parent you assume your kids will get married one day and you try and plan accordingly. They wouldn’t want you feeling down about it, It only happens once and is good cause for celebration – its means almost as much to our parents as it does to us. they want to see you happy.


Post # 4
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I feel guilty for what we are paying (and we haven’t spent a dime yet). Dont worry, you are not alone!

Post # 5
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve already had at least two meltdowns over the potential costs, and we haven’t even spent a single cent yet! My Fiance and I come from two vastly different financial backgrounds: his parents weren’t well off, but they knew how to save and budget, so they could and can always afford what they need and most of what they want. My mom has no idea how to take care of money, so it was always a stressor, even when I was a child I stressed about money. I know nobody in my family can contribute anything, and I hate the idea of asking his family for anything even though I’m sure they will want to help. So we’re trying to save money ourselves, but it’s hard – I make a small salary, and he JUST started working his first job in October, making even less than I do.

I’ve tried to talk to him about keeping expectations low and trying to save, but he feels since it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event that it should be beautiful and we can spend a little more. So I definitely feel you. I guess at this point, if people are offering you the money and you’re already booked most things… just accept it? And maybe if more things come up, like suddenly someone insists you need something, you can say, ‘No, I don’t feel comfortable spending any more money.”

Post # 7
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We are paying for the wedding ourselves mostly (we have had small contributions from our parents which we are sooo thankful for).  Money has been a huge stressor.  I feel guilty now that we are using so much of our savings and stressing about money each month to afford it.  I know we will be grateful at the end, but right now its stressful.  I am also feeling guilty about the cost of my wedding dress.  That is where my parents contributed and it ended up costing more than I wanted it to.  Thats what you get for falling in love with a dress on the website, trying it on, and then looking at the pricetag.  

Post # 8
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You are NOT alone.  Money was the biggest issue and I felt like I had a meltdown every other day (or at least, a major freakout).  What ultimately helped me (it didn’t really stop the freakouts about the money), was thinking about WHY I wanted a wedding.  For me, I realized it was important to share this milestone in my life with my friends and family.  That was why I was doing the wedding and that was worth the cost to me.  I honestly wasn’t sure if it was ‘worth it’ before the wedding.  I knew that the morning after the wedding was when I would know if it was worth it or not… and, guess what?  It was TOTALLY worth every damn penny.

I felt good about the costs involved because I felt I didn’t go overboard when I could have.  I DIY’d what I could, called in favors where I could, cut costs where I could, and spent appropriately – as necessary.  Weddings ARE expensive, but I think if you continue to try to save money where you can, you can remain true to keeping things under control (so to speak).


Post # 9
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

OMG if I had a dollar for every money meltdown I’ve had over this wedding, I might be able to pay for it!  I hate the thought of a big wedding, but it’s what I’m having because it’s what FI’s family wants.  So the budget makes me so nauseous I try to avoid looking at it and just cheap out where I can without anyone noticing (like no flowers for the church, DIY centerpieces, etc). 

If your fiance’s family wants to contribute so much, though, let them.  It makes them happy.  If you want to show how grateful you are, let them have input on everything if they want.  Take your Future Mother-In-Law dress shopping, venue shopping, cake tasting.  Listen to her and sometimes, go with what she tells you even though it might not be your top choice.  That will mean more to her than anything you could do afterward.  I know my Future Mother-In-Law was out of her mind with excitement that I asked her to come do all the dress stuff with me and my mom and grandmom- she’s never been close to any of her DIL’s, and she’s just beyond happy that I want her so involved, half the time she doesn’t know what to say. 

Post # 10
1903 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I just feel guilty that it’s a lot of money – just for ONE day.

But.. I’m usually frugal (tight) so it’s a hard thing for me to justify

Post # 11
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I feel guilty about the costs, but we’re not paying for it, so it’s not really up to me. Just remember, your wedding is a once in a lifetime event, and be grateful to those who are helping pay for it.

But if you’re really stressed about the costs, think of some things you haven’t committed to yet, and see where you can cut costs there.

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